Does everybody have a special group of female friends?

[changedmyname24]

I've just been reflecting that although I have lots of friends, I don't really have a special close group of friends & I feel like I am missing out. A group who naturally turn to each other for birthdays & other celebrations & who go away together. I have never been on a 'girls' trip' away & I would love to but don't know who would go with me 😔

I have 2 sisters who I love but don't really see as we are very busy & don't live particularly close to each other. I have a great Book Club but we rarely do anything outside of that. I have recently reconnected with old school & uni friends, plus I have quite a few close friends who I meet up with individually. I did have a close group of friends when the DC were in primary but they are in secondary school now & we hardly meet or even chat via text any more 😔

I turn 50 next year & would so love to have a weekend away with a few friends to celebrate as they always look like such great fun, but I can't see it happening.

No, I have like one friend. The rest are acquaintances and I couldn’t think of anything worse than spending my holidays with them lol

I havent got a group of friends as you describe.
I do have friends. About 7 or 8, they dont know each other as I have met them at different points in my life. Some are closer friends than others. No best friend. Some I see every 6 weeks or so, others once or twice a year.
I have no one to go away with for a short break or holiday and have been away by myself.

I’m the same. I’m in my 50s. Didn’t do anything nice for my 50th, my one close friend let me down three birthdays in a row. Was invited to both didn’t come. We aren’t really talking anymore.

Yes 3 of us.

Nope not anymore. Had groups like this in the past but walked as some were just backstabbing bitches who used you for what they wanted then threw you to the side. I have lots of single friends now who I see on an individual basis don’t meet up in groups. Some friends iv given up on my 40th last year, one ‘close’ friend didn’t call or text nothing, when I reminded her got no response, nothing. Not heard from her since.

I’m really sorry. Genuinely. I see how it came across but I really didn’t mean it to. Sorry again

No and I’m quite happy not to have this!

No. For some reason other women don’t seem to like me.

No I don’t, in fact I have very few friends. I have never particularly enjoyed socialising in large groups. I find them overwhelming. My social battery depletes really easily especially in large groups. I used to think I was just introverted but more and more I’ve been wondering about possible ASD or social anxiety. The thought of a hen weekend is my absolute worst nightmare. You definitely aren’t alone in not having a close friendship group but it is good you have friends, albeit in different groups.

Last time I had a group of girl friends I was at high school. I have 2 friends i see every month or so and a couple of more distant friends who keep in touch via what’s app. Me and my sister message every day and go out when we get the chance.

I know the Queen Bee thing about groups very well. I tried hard to make 'mum friends' when DS1 was little and there was a Queen Bee. She gossiped and backstabbed and caused division which she revelled in. I recall being so upset that I could not gel with people and eventually DH said to me; 'Look.... just because we all had sex at roughly the same time of the year and a baby 9 months afterwards doesn't mean you have anyhting else in common'.

The group that I am in which i really value was started by an extrovert who just kept inviting people to do things with her. I am the youngest at the age of 53. The oldest is 86. (Which triggered a funny episode once at a BBQ she held with her family. Her daughters were bossing her around and treating her as frail and she drew herself up and told them 'stop patronising me! I have FRIENDS younger than you!'. I think our group works because it's so casual, but still tight knit. There is no pressure to do everything- one of us yesterday invited us all to a women stage show and two of us said 'not our thing'. And that's fine. I asked if people wanted to join me on an experience in the spring and they all said 'Nope... but we'll meet you for drinks afterwards'.

I am really lucky.

If none of the friends you currently have (and at least you do sound like you have a number of good friends) want to go away with you, then you need to make new friends! It doesn't mean your current friends don't like you enough to go away with or that your friendships are lesser than people who do travel with their friends - probably just a mix of their personalities/time of life/finances etc.

Maybe try and make new friends through the sort of activity that would naturally lean more towards going away? e.g. there are lots of outdoors/adventure girls type groups for women who enjoy hiking, exploring, adventure sports...they are always organising trips. Same with a choir that travels, or sports groups that play fixtures away. I'm not saying that women in a book group might not also like travelling (I do!) but generally a club like that might naturally cater more to introverted/homebodies than, say, a roller derby team or amateur dramatics society!

Or try it the other way round - go on a trip somewhere with one of those companies that specifically cater towards solo/older/female travellers and then make like minded friends with the people on the trip, rather than making friends then trying to get them to go on holiday together. Saves all the organising and stress too!

I don't see what's wrong with a smaller group though - you sound disappointed that only 4 or so came when you organised something previously but in my experience that would be an ideal number for a girls' holiday! The bigger the group the more likely that a) the event never happens at all because there's never a date that can be agreed on and b) more likely to be arguments or at best a lot of compromising needed.

If you said to your sisters if they ask what you want for your birthday that you'd really like to go away somewhere rather than having a present I'm sure they'll be happy to, even if it's just a weekend!

I have two sets like this. One I have known for 30 years, there's five of us, and we go away on day trips about 5 times a year to the seaside for cocktails and silliness.

The other set of friends we just go shopping together or a ride out to a big town etc, I enjoy both of them.

I cant travel only myself.Friends will be my great guiders and accomplaniers

What is it about socializing in a group, that you want OP? What do you think you’re missing out on that one-to-one friendships aren’t bringing you? Would be happy to go away for a weekend with just one other girlfriend? I’m wondering what it is exactly that you’re seeking because it sounds like you have friends you can go to the pub with, but you seem upset that you can only get a small group together rather than 8 or 9. That’s odd, to me. Groups of friends take years and years to build and maintain and sustain. You can’t bring 8 random people together and expect it to be like a decades-long friendship group - I don’t think that’s realistic.

I know exactly what im missing. Or not missing actually.
Which is why i do not have a large group of women friends to go on girly trips with. I cant abide the large group set up. And when i see it, on hols or out and about, im always very glad im not part of it.
I have very solid friendships for many many years and have been on many a trip with them. Grieved with them. Cheered with them Shared the good times and bad times of rearing with them. On a one to one basis.
Just not a big girl group.
I have missed nothing.

I just meant if you get the right group. No shade intended, no need to be defensive and I apologise for offending you

I agree, I used to have a group of female besties in my 20s and 30s but we grew apart as people moved on. I didn't seek out another because I was already finding all the back and forth and compromising on arrangements tiresome in a big group. So much easier to arrange with just one or two others and have a nice time.

I have a friendship group ( in my book there’s a difference between “friends” and a “friendship group”) who have been together a long time. There is not much we don’t know about each other and we have been together at our best and at our worst. We have laughed together and cried together but the big thing is that we are there for each other.

lt’s not a closed shop though and if the right person came along and gelled they would be welcome.

With respect, Im neither offended or defensive.
I was simply commenting on your assumption.
And again, you infer that I didnt " find the right group".
It is not because i didnt find the right group, or found the wrong group.
Its because I dont want to be part of a large group.
Im absolutely not picking on you at all, but I do stand by the fact that I didnt fail to find the right group.
Wanting to be on your own, or have single 121 friendships is not because those of us that too have failed, its often because we choose it.

No. A hen-do abroad would be my idea of a living hell 😂

To be fair, I work unsociable hours, in a traditionally male-dominated industry, and I'm not the most sociable person when I eventually get home. In any case, most of my former close female friends (think: sixth form/university) seemed to disappear off the face of the earth when they got into relationships. I now speak to their parents more often than to them...

I have a group of very close university friends but we see each other rarely and never as a group as we are scattered all over the world. This seems to be quite common in my circle. Not in touch with any school friends as we all lost contact when we moved away for university (pre-internet). I do notice that among friends and acquaintances who went to boarding school, they are much more likely to still be in touch with their old school friends. For those who went to day schools it seems to be university where those long-lasting friendships were formed.

Ok thank you

Nope wish I did

As with a PP I have ‘collected’ groups through my life:

Local friends where I used to live which expanded to include some work friends (10 inc husbands)
MN antenatal group (5)
Local to me now group (5) from Toddler Group
Local to me now group (4) from kids primary school

Thinking on it I have been away with all these groups. BUT, I am an organiser so push to make things happen as do some other members of the groups. Not everyone can attend but that’s ok as we all have lives to lead. I was also single for a number of years so friends were a lifeline for me and I won’t compromise on spending time with them.

I am going away soon with 2 from one group and then in July with 4 from another group.

However, everyone is different and some would hate my setup! Interestingly I am an introvert but thrive with close friendships and appears 5 in a group is my limit 😂