Does everybody have a special group of female friends?

[changedmyname24]

I've just been reflecting that although I have lots of friends, I don't really have a special close group of friends & I feel like I am missing out. A group who naturally turn to each other for birthdays & other celebrations & who go away together. I have never been on a 'girls' trip' away & I would love to but don't know who would go with me 😔

I have 2 sisters who I love but don't really see as we are very busy & don't live particularly close to each other. I have a great Book Club but we rarely do anything outside of that. I have recently reconnected with old school & uni friends, plus I have quite a few close friends who I meet up with individually. I did have a close group of friends when the DC were in primary but they are in secondary school now & we hardly meet or even chat via text any more 😔

I turn 50 next year & would so love to have a weekend away with a few friends to celebrate as they always look like such great fun, but I can't see it happening.

I don’t but in my 30s and realised it. I have 2 kids and so I feel like I spent my 20s at home or work, and my social life took a hit. I have amazing friends but we are not a group.

And so I decided to do the thing that I’ve noticed a lot of my childfree friends do which gives them more of a group of friends.

They create moments and invite everyone, and people get to know eachother. And groups form naturally.

I’m planning more birthdays, more days out. And it’s taking a bloody long time as I still don’t have a group of friends. But if you want to go on a girly holiday, invite 2 or 3 of your close friends, go away or do something local together and see how it goes:

No, I don't. I don't think I cope with group social situations very well. They make me feel confused and I don't feel able to contribute in any meaningful way. It does make me feel sad sometimes when I hear other women talking about "the girls", but I know full well that in reality a (for example) group holiday would be my idea of hell!

I have an acquaintance who posted on a local Facebook group exactly the kind of friend she wanted to make and a WhatsApp group link. Her rule was that you had to come to a meetup within three months to stay in the group. She has 200 members now and definitely has the small close circle she wanted plus many other circles that don’t involve her have formed.
I have had my closest circle of friends since I was four years old, and we go on trips together. Additionally I would say I had 5/6 other groups where we occasionally go away together even if it’s only a day trip (it would be more often if we didn’t all have small children). I‘m a massive massive introvert but I somehow have found it easy to form stable friendship groups. I think the key has been genuinely caring about and liking people and being willing to make an effort; not being prone to drama in the slightest and being able to recognise when others aren’t either; having and maintaining healthy boundaries.

Me too, but I like small groups of 3 or 4 and not necessarily all of the same sex.

We are all different.

The problem with that is that the resulting gathering can be pretty awkward because no one knows each other which could leave OP doing a lot of heavy lifting

This is exactly what I think. Its a lot easier also to just throw something into a group chat "anyone about this weekend", "can anyone help with XYZ" rather than asking an individual. I am quite heartbroken to have lost the group I had for these sorts of reasons.
Also had parents with barely any friends, with me also having barely any so I guess you do miss out on a stage of development.

Most people don't, no. Those who do probably more likely to put it on fb etc.

You probably have a rosy eyed view of going away with friends, but really you need to know people pretty well to do that imo. And be in a similar financial situation , and like the same sort of hols.
Sounds like you have a lot of friends, but fomo?

No I don’t. Right now though I have 2 primary school aged children that keep me busy (and my OH!!) and so I don’t feel like I’ve got enough time to invest in a friendship group. I do have people I know - one friend from school, a couple that I used to work with that (in different jobs so would see them separately), a couple of school mums. But they all feel like acquaintances rather than close friends if that makes sense.

It always feels like people I might meet and chat to already have their friends and aren’t looking for others.

No but I have two close friends and 2 very close male friends.

Me too. I haven't had a group of female friends since I was 11, and that was only because we were in the same class at school. I've never in my whole life felt very comfortable around adult women, I can chat to them on a superficial level, but it wouldn't come naturally to confide in one.

No. I've tried a few times but it's been an abject disaster every time!

I used to do a hobby that comprised of a mixed group - some singletons and some couples. We all went away for weekends together and everyone was very close.

The women decided to do something related to the hobby but separate from the men and it was an absolute nightmare! It became fraught with gossip, backstabbing, unkindness, tears and storming off leaving others in the lurch. I was pretty much on the periphery of the drama as was another woman and we were baffled by it. She's the only one I still see.

Another group, one woman in the group took a dislike to me (I still don't really know why) and she spread rumours about me and told other people she would "run her out of town" about me. That friendship group fractured because, once I took a step back, she targeted someone else in the group. Anyway, she's now in prison because she targeted someone else similarly afterwards and took it too far.

I had another female friendship group a few years ago of single female friends but that just sort of fell apart when many of them found partners who they chose to do things with instead and one started an affair with a married man.

I would love to have a group of supportive female friends but I just haven't been able to find one!

It sounds like there are loads of different experiences out there & diffent needs.

For me, I am naturally quite extroverted & thrive in group settings, although I am also good one to one. I can always make conversation with anybody I meet & I do a job which needs this.

I do have friend groups from different times in my life - primary school, senior school, uni & 'mum' friends (3 groups) & I meet up with them to varying degrees, but there are none who would choose to ask me to go away/celebrate birthdays etc & that is what I miss.

I do think I'm likely ADHD or AuDHD, so maybe I come across as being weird. I never feel like I really fit in 😔 My parents are similar & my DS1 is too, although DS3 has 2 very close friendship groups plus extra friends everywhere he goes. DS2 is disabled (autism, ADHD, mld, epilepsy) so doesn't really get friendships.

I guess I should be grateful for what I have & stop moaning really! I have suggested a couple of nights out to a couple of friend groups & will see if they go anywhere.

Groups of women can be very nasty. There’s often a Wendy tendency or a queen bee.

I'm pretty sure the OP meant a friendship group larger than 3 people! After all she has two sisters, so they would be a group of 3...

I did indeed mean a larger group than 3 people. But in any case, the groups I am a part of wouldn't go away with me anyway, so the size is neither here nor there 😔

Queen Bee is my exact experience and I hated it. She even called herself Queen Bee. Bore off!

Not really. I have three close friends but I have really drifted apart from two of them over the last year for various reasons.

I occasionally meet up with a handful of colleagues for coffee or a walk in the school holidays but otherwise I don't socialise much - my job is exhausting and I'm neurodivergent so I need my evenings an weekends to recharge (plus I work one evening a week and have to see my elderly mum a couple of times - I think all of this has contributed to the friendship drift tbh).

My 50th last year was a curry with my daughter, SIL and the three friends I've mentioned. Nothing large scale or elaborate.

No and I couldn’t think of anything worse. Agree with others that groups can present all sorts of difficulties but maybe I’m the problem 🤷‍♀️.

I have friends from many different parts of my life who I see individually and I’m perfectly happy with that.

I moved counties 16 years ago. Didn't know a soul in my new area. Set up a book club and into my life came the best group of neighbours and friends. We've been through such a lot and our children have grown up together. We socialise and go away together regularly. I don't have a 'bestie' but I do have a tribe I can lean on. I feel very very lucky to have these women in my life.

No and I don’t ever intend to again. I much prefer to see friends on an individual basis.

No. I have long-term female friends from various settings (& they're scattered all over the country) - so, school, university, various jobs, volunteering, hobbies. But not a group as such. Mind you, I'm not keen on all-female groups, so that's fine

No . I have about 10 really good friends who I have met from different times in my life. All reliable,straightforward and wonderful friends.
They do not know each other, but kind of know of each other because I will mention them in conversation.
I cannot think of anything worse than being in a group of friends! The dramas I have heard about or read about would drive me mad .

Have no friends at all

In my late 30’s. Had a good group of friends at school, but had a falling out with one girl when we were all at different Uni’s, and after that I seemed to get dropped by the rest of the group. They all met up regularly, still do, but I realised I was the one making arrangements. I stopped doing that 15 years ago, and hardly seen them since. Saw a few of them semi-regularly for a few years, and got invited to one wedding reception in 2017, but we drifted apart for various reasons.

Finally accepted it was over when I invited them all out to a meal for my birthday (very early Dec) around 10 years ago and all apart from one pulled out on the day or the day before, citing Xmas. Went to a “reunion” last year, and it was so obvious they were all still in each other’s lives, and I wasn’t, so that’s that. I now only keep in touch with one, and even that’s just messaging.

I have a new group of friends I met at a hobby (all their 40s, 50’s or 60’s), so we see each other every week, and I’ve met up with a few of them outside the hobby. Also have some wonderful online friends I found over lockdown, who I’ve also met up with, and I chat with them all the time.

I don’t need my old friends, they’re in my past now. Never been on a hen-do, frankly they sound horrendous.

😂😂 thank goodness you’re here to make others feel better.

I have 1:1 type friendships and that’s fine with me. Had groups when younger but that changed as we grew up.