Does everybody have a special group of female friends?

[changedmyname24]

I've just been reflecting that although I have lots of friends, I don't really have a special close group of friends & I feel like I am missing out. A group who naturally turn to each other for birthdays & other celebrations & who go away together. I have never been on a 'girls' trip' away & I would love to but don't know who would go with me 😔

I have 2 sisters who I love but don't really see as we are very busy & don't live particularly close to each other. I have a great Book Club but we rarely do anything outside of that. I have recently reconnected with old school & uni friends, plus I have quite a few close friends who I meet up with individually. I did have a close group of friends when the DC were in primary but they are in secondary school now & we hardly meet or even chat via text any more 😔

I turn 50 next year & would so love to have a weekend away with a few friends to celebrate as they always look like such great fun, but I can't see it happening.

There's no bitching within any of my friend groups. I hate that and have actively chosen friends who don't do that.

No.. I’m 30 this year and I’ve never really had many friends. I had a best friend but we’ve drifted now, and every other time in my life I’ve made friends we’ve lost touch. Didn’t really leave school with many friends either. I have 3 kids and it can be extremely lonely.. I don’t have people to make plans with it’s basically just me and my kids. I call my mum a lot because I have no one else to talk to, I really wish it wasn’t like this but I’ve just never been good at making/retaining friends.

I have several fairly close groups of friends (one mixed m/f from school, one all
women from DCs primary school, one all women from ante-natal class, plus a fair amount of one-off friends). We don't go away together or celebrate birthdays together unless someone has a party though, just meet individually or in groups as and when. I socialise with friends either as a group or singly probably once a week on average, I can honestly say there's never been any drama or bitching amongst any of them and I have known all these people a long time (my DCs are adults). I know some of my friends do have a closer small group that they go away with and sometimes I feel I'd like that too, although I love having lots of friends I think you can spread yourself too thinly.

For a long time when all the DCs were younger my social life was no more adventurous than coffees, drinks in the local pub etc, it was only once they reached late
teens that it started getting back to things like meals out, theatre trips, days in London etc, during the childrearing years everyone really was too tired/busy. But we always made the effort to meet up when we could even if low key. I have also now started more activities where I meet new people, as I am no longer spending all my evenings taxiing teens.

I don't op.

It sometimes makes me sad, but equally when a school mum suggested a night away in her house near the sea and a coastal walk with a group of us, the idea literally left me feeling like I was going to be sick it made me so worried and I said a fast no.

So on balance it's best that I don't!

Nope, not me. Ive got my husband, son and daughter and about 2 friends 🤷‍♀️

I do. We are a group of 5 and meet up as often as we can. We have children of similar ages and they enjoy socialising too. Within the group I am closer to a couple of the women and spend more time separate with them and their families, including on holidays.

I also have ex colleagues I’m still close to and try to meet up with occasionally.

No. Never had it, nor hankered after it.

Each to their own I guess.

I sometimes feel like you do OP - that it would be nice to have a 'group', but I think it's easy to look at these things through rose tinted glasses. In reality I'm quite introverted and probably do better only socialising with one or two people at a time.

I do lots of trips away though! A weekend ski trip with my sister, a mini break with two friends from NCT and an annual trip with two school friends. I'm generally the primary organiser. I'm good at it, and a travel agent, so it makes sense for me to it. I'd certainly be waiting till I'm old if I waited for my sis to organise something!!

If you want to do a trip away, ask your sisters / a friend or two if they fancy it. You can see and do more with only 2 or 3 of you anyway. Larger groups can be pretty unweidly.

So you do have two groups to go away with then? They are just smaller groups of three.... 🤔

No, I have two friends, period - and both live hundreds of miles away from me now. I wish I could make friends, I have no siblings or parents left and often feel lonely. A lot of people here didn’t move geographically far from childhood haunts so are still busy with their family/High School friends/first job friends/mum friends…they don’t need new ones.

No I don’t. Sometimes, like you, I think it would be nice, but I’ve tried to accept that this is not how my life has worked out. I have one lovely friend who I do go away for weekends with, and other groups of friends and individuals who I have met at different times in life. If I look hard at myself I know the reason is that I’m too introverted for big groups and also don’t invest heavily enough in friendships to have developed that close bond with a group of women.

No, I've never really had that big group of girl friends, a big group of mixed but not just one sex.

My best friend is a man, he's the one I'd go on weekends away with (his wife is fine with it and she'd probably come or tell us to have fun whilst pushing him out the door) we've known each other almost 30 years. I have a couple of female friends I've known for almost 30 years, we see each other a couple of times a year for lunch/dinner. I have another male friend who I meet for lunch (known him about 9 years), he's the one who helped me through a really shit period by getting me out of the house even if it was just for a walk. Think he sees me as a little sister.

Birthday's have slipped me by (bar one when i was away with work and they really spoilt me), my next big one is 50 next year. I'm going to start planning something but not sure what. I'm not a big party person so may just go away somewhere hot for a few days and if anyone wants to come with me they can, or it may just slip me by again.

No but I’d absolutely love one. They look like so much fun. I don’t think it’s something you can create, it tends to be women who have stayed friends since school and that never happened for me.

I think there is an element of luck in finding a small tight group of friends like this. I do have a group of 5 super close friends who I adore and have known from uni. I dont see them that much but they are my absolute core of friends (i have others beyond this group, including a newer more local gang that is getting closer, has done a couple of weekend trips). The long weekend sunny holiday I do with them each year is literally my favourite thing in the world. Im surprised some people hate the idea of such a group? What's not to like? Deep unconditional support from like minded, fun, intelligent people? Shared interests, some much joking and genuine fun. There is no down side?

I have tried suggesting things to my Book Club friends. An evening out locally, a day/overnight trip to France, other days out. People always say that would be nice, but they are all 'too busy' to commit. The two things that actually happened were 4 out of 8/9 people & a few hours tops.

"So many replies so far with people saying they do & it makes me quite sad. I must be doing something wrong that I can't have this."

I think your title is going to inspire posts only from people who either don't have a close group of friends or those that happily do. I know that is what you asked for but before you get too despondent, think about all the many, many posts we see on here about those close friendship groups going wrong. It seems to happen quite a lot and often someone gets edged out and hurt, or sides are taken when disagreements occur and the group splinters. Not all, of course. Maybe the ones that work and stand the test of time are made up of people well suited to that kind of collaborative friendship.

An alternative for you might be to go on an organised trip set up for groups of single people. I realise that would be a poor substitute for what you really want but from what I've heard from people who have done this is that they are a lot of fun. Everyone is in the same boat (sometimes literally 🙂) and aim to get along. Sometimes friendships are made that continue beyond the trip. And if that were to happen, you would know the friend/s you'd made do like going away on trips.

I prefer seeing my friends one to one. That sort of big trip away is not for me. I belong to a women’s walking group who also have big nights out, dinners and weekends away and once a year a trip overseas. I can't drink alcohol as I have a heart condition and it’s such a big feature of weekends away, it’s just not for me. I had the opportunity a few times in my life. I remember being invited to a weekend away with about 10 women, I was good friends with half the group I said early on I couldn’t come but remained in the email group the amount of discussion, changes to plans who can be arsed with it all that as well.

I have three social things on this weekend, a walk with a mate and coffee, dinner out with another couple tonight and out to lunch with another friend tomorrow.

Nope, I’ve never been interested in one either - that kind of thing just doesn’t appeal to me in the slightest. I see my friends one-on-one.

For me my friendship group was mostly luck. I worry what will happen if we drift or move or people fall out because I couldn't replicate the circumstances where we got to know each other.

No. I have:

• one close friend who I text/talk to every day and see once a month roughly
• one friend who I see weekly but don’t text in between meet ups, who I don’t have much in common with,
• and one friend who I don’t keep in touch with via text, who I see only four times a year, and don’t have much in common with.

I also have my partner, of course. I did do a meet up for my 50th birthday with some acquaintances from a hobby group but it fell a bit flat! I also did different things with the people mentioned above and it was fun and felt more natural.

Well I'm like you and love a group but I can see that there absolutely is a down side for a lot of people, many on here have said they prefer socialising one to one, one of my adult DCs is neurodivergent and strongly prefers one to one as she finds groups overwhelming.

I’m autistic and find group settings incredibly stressful and overwhelming. I would absolutely hate what you describe!

See I've always found one-to-one relationships very situational. It's like there's no structure keeping us together so when the circumstances change it doesn't fit. A group gives some structure so even if one person gets busy or flaky there may be others that make the effort and that keeps it together.

Nope never had this. Only one friend but we are too thick in the trenches of raising children to really be active friends.
I've never done a hen do a girls holiday any of the typical things groups of girls/women do. I don't think by now I'll ever do those things and that's OK by me.

I wish! I've made peace with it.