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Can’t stop thinking about pics partner sent to “ex”

468 replies

CherryGirlAimz · 06/03/2026 21:47

My fiancé and I are very happy together, engaged last year, live together, been on plenty of holidays together, and I help look after his daughter on weekends he has her.

however, about a year and a half ago, the mother of his child (not exactly an ex as he said she was just a sex thing to him and she developed feelings for him but he never wanted to be with her) messaged me and sent me screen shots of what’s app sexual messages and images (penis pics) my partner sent to her. It broke me at the time but partner swiftly apologised and said it was a one off moment of madness when he was working away. We had a long walk on the beach and he swore he would never do it again. I know for sure he hasn’t as after this moment he stopped communicating directly with mother of his child, she has mental health issues as it is and even tried to commit suicide after he refused to communicate with her again.

fast forward to now and we are happy and engaged, our relationship looks perfect from the outset, however I cannot get this incident from my head - I still feel insecure and jealous that he did that, and it plagues my mind often. She is very attractive and intelligent and I can’t stop feeling I’m inferior to her. He says the mother of his child is a drama queen and just wants to cause him and us misery hence why he never speaks to her anymore. I’m glad he doesn’t as I’d be worried of a repeat if she messaged him again.

my question is - when will this one incident stop plaguing my mind in my otherwise very happy relationship? I’ve not told any friends or family about it, his family don’t know of it either, I’d be too scared to disclose it to anyone I know really in case they judge partner badly for it.

OP posts:
Screamingabdabz · 06/03/2026 21:50

Be very wary of a man who thinks his penis is a gift of photographic art and calls the beautiful intelligent mother of his child a crazy drama queen. That’s misogyny 101 and he’s just telling you what you want to hear to get you off his case. Red flags all over the shop, sorry.

LittlePetitePsychopath · 06/03/2026 21:51

You’ve not forgiven him. You’re trying to forget, but you can’t.

You have to chose whether you’re forgiving him be moving on, or if you can’t forgive him. I’d be firmly
in the second camp, there’s no way I’d ever forget and it’d live rent-free in my mind.

Does he know you still think about it? Has he done anything to explain, or show you how he’s changed, beyond just saying it was a moment of madness?

DameOfThrones · 06/03/2026 21:51

Oh that's weird considering your question should be

"How can I get rid of this misogynistic, lying prick pronto?"

I'm sure you know there is nothing 'happy' about your relationship.

Is life alone really so bad that you'd choose this excuse for a human?

DameOfThrones · 06/03/2026 21:52

Screamingabdabz · 06/03/2026 21:50

Be very wary of a man who thinks his penis is a gift of photographic art and calls the beautiful intelligent mother of his child a crazy drama queen. That’s misogyny 101 and he’s just telling you what you want to hear to get you off his case. Red flags all over the shop, sorry.

Edited

Not to mention calling the mother of his child 'a sex thing'.

ExperiencedTeacher · 06/03/2026 21:53

Do you really want to be with someone you can’t trust to communicate with the mother of his child?

CherryGirlAimz · 06/03/2026 21:59

I do really love him and really do believe it is a one off - which is why I’ve stayed with him. I don’t discuss or bring up the incident with him - when it happened he said she was desperate to break us up and would stop at nothing to do it. I have seen in past how miserable she made him too. I guess what I really want is to just “erase” this incident from my mind for good, but I just don’t know how to get rid of it.

OP posts:
TemporarilyCantDoMyself · 06/03/2026 22:05

He sent her dick pics while you and he were together and that's somehow her fault and you are telling us you believe him?
No.
Please do not buy this man's lies.

Moen · 06/03/2026 22:06

You would be mad to marry this man.

BootsandCatss · 06/03/2026 22:08

She’s desperate to break you up so he sent her a dick pic? Honestly OP, I don’t think you’ll ever be able to forget about it, and just because he’s not communicating with her anymore (which is ridiculous considering that’s the mother of his child) doesn’t mean he’s not sending them to someone else. The way he speaks about her is vile, please don’t tell me you’re planning on having children with him? Because the vile things he’s saying about her will be what he describes you as if you ever split.

stupididiot12345 · 06/03/2026 22:12

If she is the mother of his child and they do not communicate- how do they manage joint arrangements relating to the child?

Tiptopflipflop · 06/03/2026 22:15

OP will ignore us all, and then a few years from now will discover he's busy sending dick pics again (or likely worse) to someone else.

It's hard because these kinds of men can be really convincing. They are highly skilled in manipulating women into loving them. It's very convenient for him having you to do the parenting on his weekends with his daughter.

The crazy ex is the classic spiel. More likely she kicked him to the kerb.

Kind loving men do not refer to the mother of their child so disrespectfully, and they certainly don't go round sending dick pics.

CheeseWisely · 06/03/2026 22:16

How does her trying to break you up equate to him sending her pictures of his dick exactly?? Please explain.

He sounds like a weapons grade prick. The way he speaks about her is the way he’ll speak about you to the next unfortunate dick pic recipient.

Don’t marry him.

Superfoodie123 · 06/03/2026 22:17

Dick pics are gross

That alone is a massive red flag

weetabix80 · 06/03/2026 22:17

Don’t trust anyone who puts down his ex, particularly the mother of his child. Red flags all over this especially the bit about suicide. Sorry 💔

Tablesandchairs23 · 06/03/2026 22:17

CherryGirlAimz · 06/03/2026 21:59

I do really love him and really do believe it is a one off - which is why I’ve stayed with him. I don’t discuss or bring up the incident with him - when it happened he said she was desperate to break us up and would stop at nothing to do it. I have seen in past how miserable she made him too. I guess what I really want is to just “erase” this incident from my mind for good, but I just don’t know how to get rid of it.

You need to read this back. He's sent her dick pics and explicit messages he's blaming her. He's only sorry he got caught. He can't even take accountability. Dump his sorry arse.

CherryGirlAimz · 06/03/2026 22:18

stupididiot12345 · 06/03/2026 22:12

If she is the mother of his child and they do not communicate- how do they manage joint arrangements relating to the child?

Edited

Her mother does handover and communication related to child.

OP posts:
Sleepeazie · 06/03/2026 22:20

CherryGirlAimz · 06/03/2026 21:59

I do really love him and really do believe it is a one off - which is why I’ve stayed with him. I don’t discuss or bring up the incident with him - when it happened he said she was desperate to break us up and would stop at nothing to do it. I have seen in past how miserable she made him too. I guess what I really want is to just “erase” this incident from my mind for good, but I just don’t know how to get rid of it.

Don’t you just hate it when honest men, with integrity are forced to act out of character by their childs’ mum/cheap shag 🤷‍♀️

gosh you best cling on to him, twice as tight, just in case he’s sucked in by her again.

oh and definitely take on all of his shame, and don’t reach out to your, time tested, rational, family and friends ….

Build5bear · 06/03/2026 22:21

How old are you? Are you like 16 or something?

How can a fully grown woman be happy and accepting of a man who calls the mother of his child “just a sex thing”?!! How bloody misogynistic and vile.

And you think this man is marriage material?! He will bin you off and say similar things about you in future.

And if you marry him, when you already know all this, you almost deserve it.

From everything you have written here, the dick pics to his ex are the least of your worries. He is awful. As my mother used to say … “How much more bloody evidence do you need??” (That he’s an arsehole).

Do not marry this man.

NotAWurstToIt · 06/03/2026 22:22

CherryGirlAimz · 06/03/2026 21:59

I do really love him and really do believe it is a one off - which is why I’ve stayed with him. I don’t discuss or bring up the incident with him - when it happened he said she was desperate to break us up and would stop at nothing to do it. I have seen in past how miserable she made him too. I guess what I really want is to just “erase” this incident from my mind for good, but I just don’t know how to get rid of it.

He has done an absolute number on you OP - he had a child with this woman, but that’s her fault because it was just a ‘sex thing’ and she was obsessed with him?
Then he sends her a dick pic, but that’s her fault because she’s trying to break you up?
Now he has no contact with the mother of his child, because he couldn’t fucking control himself and sent her sexual messages and you want to marry this prince amongst men?
Please, please raise your standards and believe you deserve more than this utter knob!

CherryGirlAimz · 06/03/2026 22:23

weetabix80 · 06/03/2026 22:17

Don’t trust anyone who puts down his ex, particularly the mother of his child. Red flags all over this especially the bit about suicide. Sorry 💔

I feel really upset reading responses, I know it doesn’t seem like it from that one incident but he is really kind and supportive, he has allowed me move in with him in a house he bought, I don’t pay bills or mortgage, he has supported me since doing my degree and career. Also his child is lovely and I’ve been in her life since we met when she was only 6 months-ish, and she’s nearly 4 now, it’s always the three of us together when she’s with us and I think it’s nice she has that “family” feel as I believe the mother has never had partner and raises her and takes her out mostly alone. Also his family have said some things about the mother too, like she was too possessive of child.

OP posts:
stilloverthinking · 06/03/2026 22:26

Screamingabdabz · 06/03/2026 21:50

Be very wary of a man who thinks his penis is a gift of photographic art and calls the beautiful intelligent mother of his child a crazy drama queen. That’s misogyny 101 and he’s just telling you what you want to hear to get you off his case. Red flags all over the shop, sorry.

Edited

I can only second this. You deserve better.

tripleginandtonic · 06/03/2026 22:28

You get what you accept OP, and you've got the scraps. Raise your sights higher and find someone who loves and cares for you.

Moen · 06/03/2026 22:28

OP is your name on the mortgage?

If not, you are really financially vulnerable.

Dellmouse · 06/03/2026 22:28

Sorry but you sound like a fool. Him saying “she would do anything to break us up” - what?! Did she hold a gun to his head and make him take the photos? If he sends this to someone he hates then what do you think he is sending to women he fancies? He could have sexted you if he was feeling in that mood - but she was on his mind.

hollytheheroic · 06/03/2026 22:28

So, she messaged you to let you know what he's actually like - hoping to do you a favour maybe? Yo should be grateful to her instead of putting her down for not having a partner. Having no partner is better then having a cheating one.