Parents giving you money

[BestBefore2000]

Just curious to know if they still do?
My husband and I feel very differently about this. I'm 45 now but have always been raised to be self-sufficent. I've worked all of my life from the age of 16 (mat leaves only not working), three kids, years of being a single parent. Not wealthy by any stretch, privately renting still as can't afford a suitable mortgage. I do extra hours on Sundays to cover things as my job is term-time only. No benefits except CB. My car is over a decade old now but still works just about!!
Husband is 50 and works ft - earns more than me (around £2,400 net pm). However, his parents still give him a credit card that he is permitted to use for electricity for his car (they bought him a new electric car), bits and pieces of shopping etc. He contributes financially to our young shared daughter only as I have always been happy that my older children (shared care) I take financial responsibility for, along with my ex-husband. Other examples - husband had a nail in tyre the other day and so paid the £150 for a replacement. They also pay for his private dental care and give him extra money so he can pay for family holidays.
This is all alien to me but is it "normal"? I feel given his age it is not, but happy to be proved otherwise.
Edited to add - his parents are by no means well off. They are both in their 80s so have paid off their mortgage (modest 3 bed).

My family were generous to me in this way too. Their attitude was that they enjoyed helping me out . As they got older their own needs were fewer and they had more disposable income but no longer took holidays . They also said that they liked seeing the benefit instead of saving the money until they passed away. I was always extremely grateful though and tried to receprocate in other ways .

Not really, although I’ve never paid for a meal while my dad is there, and can only occasionally manage to buy him a drink…!

I can see paying for things the way your in-laws do, at their age, is a good way of passing some money on without the taxman feeling he needs to be involved if/when they die.

I would say that’s not normal at all! The last financial contribution I had from my parents was in my first year at uni. I then got a part time job and have fully supported myself ever since.

No not normal at all. My family are quite well off, they have never offered any help.

If they can easily afford it then it’s a generous and kind thing to do and probably sensible tax planning.

But it’s not my normal either. Also depending on personalities it could have created dependency, could be a form of control, and could stop the ‘child’ from taking financial responsibility for their own lives.

I help my DC for these reasons. Why would I stand back having ££ if they could benefit from it and I don’t need it? As an animal I want my DNA to thrive - it’s surely a biological imperative anyway

We do similar for our adult children. I’d rather see them enjoying our money now than wait until we’re dead. It’s while they’re young with dependant families they need extra money.. I don’t want them to wait until they’re past the difficult days to benefit.

Yes, my parents still buy me nice gifts like a car or pedigree cat for my birthday. I’m in my 40s and work, as does DH.

They also give me an annual lump sum that we use for family holidays and extras we might want.

I wouldn’t say it was normal that they were paying for bits and pieces on a regular basis (if there was no financial need to do so), especially for everyday things such a car tyre. Gifting sone money towards a family holiday or paying for everyone in a restaurant seems a little different to me. However, at 50, i would expect him to pay his way.

I do it for my adult children but never had anything from my parents or in-laws. So I’d say not normal for the majority of people at normal levels of wealth.

Sorry, that sounds like a stealth boast! Not what I meant. I do it if I can, I would not expect it to be very common.

Only in my dreams…. Actually, not even in my dreams.

Is he an only child?

I've not had that either but my family is generous with their time and support. I always get my favourite chocolate at Christmas but that isn't quite in the same league is it!

Is he their only child? If so, it's relatively affordable for them I guess.

I love being able to help my adult DD out financially. It ranges from helping her with a deposit for her first property to buying m and s fruit for her to take home when she visits 😬.

My parents didn't give me any money when I was an adult. Refuses to lend me £400 once (their choice absolutely, and I never asked again). I never wanted to emulate that.

My parents always say that they would much rather be able to enjoy buying us things throughout their lives than just leaving us money in their wills.

They’ve been in a good financial situation for a long time. They paid off their mortgage in their 40s, my mum never worked but my dad had a good salary (even by today’s standards) and he retired in his mid 50s in good health to just enjoy life.

Yeah, we are very financially well off ourselves and both sets of our parents spoil us and the children. I’m taking meals out, my mum even buys me clothes sometimes if she sees something. Mind you, we are good to them too.

We are very fortunate, and will do the same when our children reach adulthood.

My inlaws help us out
They pay half of a family holiday every other year though I suspect that it's more like 3/4 that they cover we don't go away at all the rest of the year unless it's to visit my dgm and stay at her house.
They pay for our children's dental visits as well, we pay the monthly payment for the kids plan but they do the rest.
For context dp and I haven seen a dentist since 2010 and 2012, there are no dentists locly taking on nhs I have been checking for years and am on several wait lists.
They also provide childcare.

We don't ask them to do this, they know how hard we work and what we earn. We live in an area of the south that wages are low and cost of living is high.
They would rather help us than us move to a part of the uk that is afordable and not see us, We are very thankful that they do so much for us.

We try to do what we can in return for them, we will drop everyone to help them when they ask and often drop off little gifts like a cheese dfil likes but is hard to come by or dmils favorite chocolate bar when we can.

I think family helping out financially is becoming far more common

@TomatoSandwiches No, he has an older sister. She has always been for more motivated to earn and does well for herself financially through hard work.
I'd personally be embarrassed if my parents wanted to pay for my petrol - I'm a 45 yo grownass woman!

@Throwawaynamechange9876 May I ask roughly how much you both earn? We bring in between us net around just under £4.5k per month (no benefits) so I feel as if we should be able to manage? Although rent is just under £1.5k pm.

I think all families are different and also depends on parents financial situation.

My parents are generous with me, they pay for meals, give me spending money for holidays, things for the kids.

When I was a single parent my dad used to top me up £300 a month, maybe I’ll ask him if we can go back to that arrangement 😂

This is normal in my family. My mum spends a lot on us for birthdays and Christmas but also pays for my daughters myopia glasses, pitches in for unexpected expenses we have, pays for accommodation each year so the whole family can holiday together. Both she and my in laws are chipping in for some expensive building work we’re doing. It’s much appreciated but also similar to what she does for my siblings and what her mother did for her 6 kids. I clearly remember my Granny buying us a dishwasher when I was a kid!

Exactly this! We’re not wealthy but our DC do stand to inherit some money eventually. We’d far rather they had the use of it now, while they have high mortgage costs, child care etc and we see them getting the benefit. They certainly don’t take it for granted .

It's so interesting - my parents have never financially supported me so it's very unusual. Don't get me wrong - they've given me loans for car repairs, rental deposits etc, but always with the expectation I would pay them back. I guess most of their money was tied up in their home (new 4 bed in lovely village, mortage paid now).

To me, you seem to wear your self-sufficiency as a badge of honour and are bemused as to why your husband doesn’t want the same accolade.

It may not be normal to you, but it does happen and it really is ok. They’ve got money, they want to use it to help their son. It’s fine.

If you are in a position to when you are older, would you give money to your adult children? Or would you hang on to it until it becomes an inheritance in the name of promoting their self sufficiency?

You’ll get lots of people coming back sharing their stories of how hard up they are and don’t get help. I always find those posts have a bitter undertone.