Parents giving you money

[BestBefore2000]

Just curious to know if they still do?
My husband and I feel very differently about this. I'm 45 now but have always been raised to be self-sufficent. I've worked all of my life from the age of 16 (mat leaves only not working), three kids, years of being a single parent. Not wealthy by any stretch, privately renting still as can't afford a suitable mortgage. I do extra hours on Sundays to cover things as my job is term-time only. No benefits except CB. My car is over a decade old now but still works just about!!
Husband is 50 and works ft - earns more than me (around £2,400 net pm). However, his parents still give him a credit card that he is permitted to use for electricity for his car (they bought him a new electric car), bits and pieces of shopping etc. He contributes financially to our young shared daughter only as I have always been happy that my older children (shared care) I take financial responsibility for, along with my ex-husband. Other examples - husband had a nail in tyre the other day and so paid the £150 for a replacement. They also pay for his private dental care and give him extra money so he can pay for family holidays.
This is all alien to me but is it "normal"? I feel given his age it is not, but happy to be proved otherwise.
Edited to add - his parents are by no means well off. They are both in their 80s so have paid off their mortgage (modest 3 bed).

@BestBefore2000 but I don’t see what the difference is if they stopped the monthly amount and just gave a bigger lump sum?

I tend to give my son money for unexpected bills so cars ,stuff in his house like boiler going tits up

you can be going along nicely and then get a big bill that can throw everthing up in the air

@dayslikethese1 He's never "worked up." Was offered the option to do a funded degree via work some years ago but felt it would be too much work and he might have to do some hours after 5pm.

I would if I could afford to. I give them vouchers so they can order meals as they can't afford to go out much. Having said that DD1 and her family have far more disposable income than me and have paid off their mortgage (in their 40s). I took two grandsons out for pizza this week and the bill for the three of us came to £60!

For the ppl whose parents paid their holidays, do you mean holidays WITH them? Curious

So we only have help on a group family holiday but I know people who get the cash for their own holiday.

Possibly tax reasons? In any case any annual gift of over £3k is taxable (for the giver).

Our adult DCs are financially independent now - DS and DIL have a DC. We gave both our DCs money towards a deposit for first property. We pay for a big holiday most years that we do together. I take DD shopping couple times a year and spoil her with things she needs and would like. We do childcare for DS and DIL so while not giving them cash it saves them a fortune and helps with the logistics of 2 working parents. Also buy things for DGC. I would not consider a monthly payment or credit card. But if they were stuck, we would help them financially. I think I’d be doing them a disservice by not letting them be independent financially. You have to learn to live within your means - whatever they are.

Regular, monthly payments from parents is an alien concept for me.

My parents and PIL have given us money for house deposits (around £30k total from my parents, over two house purchases and came from times when they had an investment mature and when they sold a holiday home, and £20k from FIL at first house purchase to help us get under a certain ratio for interest rates).

Other than that... I don't think we have had money from them. Apart from birthdays And Christmas from my parents. £70 each. They are generous with our DC at birthday and christmas and look after them during school holidays for 3wks of the year. Oh, and my parents take me out for one lunch a year.

FIL has helped out SIL significantly over the years, lump sums and during a short period of significant financial hardship.

Otherwise, my parents and PIL are of the opinion that they worked hard for their money and retirement and will spend as much as they want doing what they want. Which is fine and their choice.

It would never occur to me that they could give me or DH an allowance. Or regular money. Or just give us cash for a holiday or buy us a car or nice food or anything at all. We are grown ups who have decent salaries and can pay for ourselves (or save up) and big purchases.

I do have some friends whose parents have paid of credit cards, or bought cars for them. When we were in our early 20s as well as more recently in our 40s and 50s.

To me, it feels a bit like playing at grown ups but still having your parents being the actual grown ups.

I am chronically self sufficient though. My parents have always been more supportive of my sibling (emotionally as well as helping them out with big financial purchases and holiday costs) because of medical needs. I don't begrudge my siblings, but it may feed into my thoughts that as I don't have a specific need for help, then I dont expect it.

Because one isn't relying on the money. It isn't just everyday, frittering it away money.

If I gave 4K for Christmas (I wish!) it would be a big chunk that could be spent on a big item or an experience. If it was just a £300 a month payment of gas/electric it wouldn't have the same impact.

Also, giving a big gift of money isn't certain. Can't be relied on. Whereas, 'Oh mum and dad will pay that bill.' while acceptable-ish at 20 is a lot less so at 50, when on the way to being grandparent age.

Exactly like the mum on the other thread (son spent 50K in 2 years on travel). No incentive at all to work. Lazy.

Not a penny and they’re worth multiple millions. They pride themselves on never having to use their savings and they still live extremely well with multiple long haul holidays, new cars, beautiful home, meals out several times a week, regular theatre trips.

Agree. How is he not totally embarrassed by this? And how do they know about his tyre to give him the money? Sounds very enmeshed. A lump sun is different .

@Slightyamusedandsilly He does work ft, just never really moved up the ranks.

@TorroFerney He tells them: I can't afford x" then they give him the £.

The fact that you earn that much and have not yet bought a house would concern me. If I were your parent in those circumstances I would be doing as much as I could to help you buy a house.

Assuming they can afford to make the gifts, if is a sensible way of reducing inheritance tax

Regular, habitual gifts made from surplus income can be exempt from Inheritance Tax (IHT) without limit if they do not reduce your standard of living, known as "normal expenditure out of income".

So better to give him a regular payment now if they can afford to rather than wait until after death to hand it on

Interesting waterbobble I always think this subject is quite interesting because its quite emotive and ppl don't really talk about it IRL.

its not normal in my world but if I could do that for my kids when they are older I 100% would

@dayslikethese1 thats true. When I was exposed to it I was like “what”. Some people have huge amounts of help.

I also think it’s a privilege that people don’t really discuss much.

Do they like it do you think? Or encourage it? Does he tell them everything?

Have you never confronted him about it?

You sound like you don’t respect him much.

My elderly parents insist on giving me money for petrol if I take them to hospital appointments which are getting more frequent. I don't need them to pay me but they insist. So I'm saving it up and will treat them with their own money every so often. I will look like a dutiful lovely daughter who buys them cake and flowers but they are paying for their own treats which they wouldn't buy themselves iyswim.

My mum & dad give me and my brother £1500 each year in April. I usually put it towards the cost of our family holiday. FIL does similar and also pays for DH private health insurance.

We don’t need these extras but they are kindly received. We’ve never asked for any money for any specific reason.

OP do you think if all this stopped suddenly your DH would struggle money-wise?

And that’s different and comes from them not wanting to be a burden. When my husband bought a new car his dad gave him some money towards it which we didn’t need and he didn’t want to take but his dads reasoning was that now that he doesn’t drive (he’s nearly ninety) my husband ferries him about so he wanted to contribute. So a bit similar, to be seen to be paying one’s way.