Parents giving you money

[BestBefore2000]

Just curious to know if they still do?
My husband and I feel very differently about this. I'm 45 now but have always been raised to be self-sufficent. I've worked all of my life from the age of 16 (mat leaves only not working), three kids, years of being a single parent. Not wealthy by any stretch, privately renting still as can't afford a suitable mortgage. I do extra hours on Sundays to cover things as my job is term-time only. No benefits except CB. My car is over a decade old now but still works just about!!
Husband is 50 and works ft - earns more than me (around £2,400 net pm). However, his parents still give him a credit card that he is permitted to use for electricity for his car (they bought him a new electric car), bits and pieces of shopping etc. He contributes financially to our young shared daughter only as I have always been happy that my older children (shared care) I take financial responsibility for, along with my ex-husband. Other examples - husband had a nail in tyre the other day and so paid the £150 for a replacement. They also pay for his private dental care and give him extra money so he can pay for family holidays.
This is all alien to me but is it "normal"? I feel given his age it is not, but happy to be proved otherwise.
Edited to add - his parents are by no means well off. They are both in their 80s so have paid off their mortgage (modest 3 bed).

He’s an Oxbridge grad hardly lazy!

Why?!?! I'd love anyone to pay for my petrol - couldn't care less who it was 😂

As his mum says, he coasted through Oxford. And is now coasting around the world, returning home to mum & dad's home WITH a girl friend and making Tiktoks for a living.

Hardly hard working. Hardly working at all.

Not normal for us, no.
However we’re v lucky that in-laws have helped us over the years with chunks of money when we’ve moved house. Also as they’re getting older the cash Christmas presents are now more significant to reduce the eventual inheritance tax bill. But paying for everyday expenses on a regular basis seems strange, unless you’re short of money and couldn’t afford the tyre repair etc otherwise.

I'll get slated for this, but I get irked that my dad helps my sister but not me, because I earn a fair bit more than her. But she works part-time and is on benefits and I do shifts to up my earnings. It feels like she is rewarded for not trying.

Mine are the same, they have been very generous to me and my 2 siblings as they are planning ahead to make their finances as tax-efficient as possible. Both still in their mid-70s and in very good health so hopefully nothing will happen for a long time, but they want to help us (we've never asked for help, it's always been initiated by them).

ok, so apart from the VERY large house deposit, and the regular free childcare , you get nothing.
right.
Its such a wierd concept to me that people think , oh no what I GET is ok, but if others get more, then they are just playing at being grown ups.

Mine are grown ups and can pay for their own holidays.
I TREAT them to one, thats the point.
I reared them to stand on their own 2 feet, safe in the comfort and knowledge that as long as im alive, and long after im dead, what i have will always be there to support them if they fall.
I have more than enough, why would I not?
Bizarre to me that people dont understand that.
You can help and be generous and also not rear entitled brats.

As well as help with house purchase deposits my brother and i both help out on a regular basis. We buy all the shoes for our grandchildren and contribute to holidays.
We're not well-off but comfortable enough for our needs and want them to benefit from help when they need it. Later they might inherit our houses but of course not if care home fees are needed!

I think the way they are doing it seems quite unusual considering his age (more in line with the support you would give to a young adult) but I suppose money is money and how they give it must feel comfortable to them. I’m sure it gives them pleasure to do this.

I think though I have been a bit blinkered to what ongoing parental support some people do get, coming from a background where that definitely didn’t happen. I couldn’t even stay with them in uni holidays after first year (they moved into a one bed bungalow after falling on hard times) and ended up lending them money at one point. My Husband’s parents are better off but he got a bag of shopping when he moved out at 19 that was it. Adult children are expected to pay for meals out and host 90% of the time. All pretty normal lower middle class of the time but maybe on the less generous end.

I’ve had to get my head around this a lot more recently as we have a young adult child now - balancing what is best with developmental stages, tax optimisation, asset protection and so many unknowns has been an eye opener for us. I am more relaxed about it now. Can I see myself still paying for certain things out of surplus income when he is 50? Yes. I would’ve baulked at the idea two years ago. Unlikely to be fuel and shopping but a family holiday, grandchildren’s driving lessons definitely.
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I really, really don't see the issue here (and I say that as someone with zero financial support from anyone!). Look at the kids of millionaires, celebrities, royalty etc. They'll live their entire lives funded by their parents.

At least your husband is working. His parents know how old he is presumably so if they're happy to help him and can afford it, so what?

May I add that there was certainly no expectation on their part, and they're very appreciative, but we're happy to give a bit while we can. Both families have a very good relationship with offspring.

@Soontobe60 No way on earth we could afford to buy without help. We need a very minimum of a 3-bed. Obviously paying so much in rent pm we have nothing left - even with the extra hours I work when I can.

@Soontobe60 No way on earth we could afford to buy without help. We need a very minimum of a 3-bed. Obviously paying so much in rent pm we have nothing left - even with the extra hours I work when I can.

I don’t think it’s common but I know if my mum could afford it she would.

I have always been self sufficient too but my parents are very comfortable and like to share this with me and my sister. I'm incredibly grateful and use this money wisely. They insist they would rather we all benefit from it now, instead of wait until they have gone and we inherit it.

I’m 40 and my dad quite regularly transfers some money into my bank account to help me, it probably evens out to a couple of hundred a month throughout the year, I will do the same for my daughter if I’m in the position too when she’s older

My parents regularly give us ‘ a couple of quid ‘ which can be anything from £10 to £1000, I’m 47 , they’re in their 70s but reasonably well off . I also have ever paid for a meal when my parents have been there .
Just recently I had new carpets , my dad asked me how much they were and next thing the money was transferred over , wasn’t expected at all, but was appreciated ! I think they try and gift as much as possible before tax kicks in . In contrast though the thought of having a credit card they paid would feel odd to me !

I thought it was making money of the videos? A lot of young people travel & bum about a bit.
Anyway enough derailment.

@Hellzbellz25 Are you with a partner and both working? I just don't think hy husband should really need to rely on extra £.

It’s normal in my family. I think of it as sharing resources to help make life a bit easier for us all. My mother was very generous with her time and money and it helped me and I try to pass along that generosity. It’s not just about splashing the cash, it’s also about showing up.

I think it’s odd that so many posters are disapproving of the OPs DH situation but also getting money from parents just in a different form.

Is it because he’s a man?

My dad sometimes slides me and DH a tenner or a twenty and says “get yourselves a pint on me” but that’s about it. One time after I had had an awful day (got T boned in my car and had the worst haircut of my life) he gave me £50 and said to keep it between us or my other siblings would be swarming.

My parents stopped my pocket money at 12 and said get a paper round. Started tutoring at 14 to make some extra cash, now it’s my full time job which I love. Was charged rent from 16 which was 15% of my tutoring income, left home for uni at 18 and didn’t get any money. I got a scholarship and bursary so I got my mum a dishwasher as a going away present. They couldn’t afford to help me financially so they really really pushed me and my siblings to work hard and get a good education and I think that’s better than money.

DH’s parents did give him a bit more than me, paid for his driving lessons, didn’t charge him rent, paid his phone bill till he was 18. They did what they could afford to do, but FIL was also pretty strict, MIL definitely would have given him more money if it was just her.

I wouldn’t say it’s common but I would love to do this for my kids. My mum did it for me a lot while she was alive and it made life so much easier. Her attitude was that the money was going to come to me one day anyway so might as well use it when it’s useful. I hope we can help our two out. Life doesn’t have to be hard all the time.

I' happily help my (adult) kids out.
I've bought cars, washing machines, given money.
Life is hard- I can make it easier.