Parents giving you money

[BestBefore2000]

Just curious to know if they still do?
My husband and I feel very differently about this. I'm 45 now but have always been raised to be self-sufficent. I've worked all of my life from the age of 16 (mat leaves only not working), three kids, years of being a single parent. Not wealthy by any stretch, privately renting still as can't afford a suitable mortgage. I do extra hours on Sundays to cover things as my job is term-time only. No benefits except CB. My car is over a decade old now but still works just about!!
Husband is 50 and works ft - earns more than me (around £2,400 net pm). However, his parents still give him a credit card that he is permitted to use for electricity for his car (they bought him a new electric car), bits and pieces of shopping etc. He contributes financially to our young shared daughter only as I have always been happy that my older children (shared care) I take financial responsibility for, along with my ex-husband. Other examples - husband had a nail in tyre the other day and so paid the £150 for a replacement. They also pay for his private dental care and give him extra money so he can pay for family holidays.
This is all alien to me but is it "normal"? I feel given his age it is not, but happy to be proved otherwise.
Edited to add - his parents are by no means well off. They are both in their 80s so have paid off their mortgage (modest 3 bed).

@Loobyloolovesandypandy I blame both - him mostly but also his parents. He should have learned the hard way so to speak. He admits he has always relied on his parents to support him.

"Your relationship with money is primarily formed by the age of seven. Research indicates that core money habits, such as understanding the value of money, delaying gratification, and basic spending/saving behaviors, are established in early childhood. These initial, subconscious habits often stem from observing parents and can persist into adulthood."

You seem quite clued up on things. Did you not realise what he was like with money before you married him, and had a child with him?

@GertiePye He has never been "perfect" but then none of us are. I was unaware that his parents were supporting him financially as it isn't something I ever expected to be happening. Circumstances were obviously different before we had our daughter insofar as he had no children prior to that and I was also paid over the holidays (my older children were in secondary so I was able to work more hours).

Your in-laws cutting your DH off won’t improve your marriage, it won’t make your DH a nicer person, it won’t mean he will financially step up and support you when you need help.

@goz I don't want them to cut him off; I do want them to stop dishing out money to him left, right and centre. So he actually has to pay for his own MOT, for example.

If they stop paying for things (even if they’re only paying for him), won’t this make things worse for you as a family financially? You said in a previous post that you’re already struggling on two low incomes. What about the money they put aside for your daughter? Those payments should stop as well?

@GertiePye What I mean is if they don't pay for his MOT who will? It will have to be on him. But then it's probably too late at 50 for him to be accepting that it should be in the first place? If he'd have learned this sort of financial responsibility as a younger man then perhaps things would be better now.
Money for granddaughter I see as different as it is £100 pm in trust. Obviously when she becomes a young adult we won't be able to afford to help her with a house deposit, for example, so her grandparents want to help out with that. And I'm not being morbid but it is pretty unlikely they will be around as she gets much older - certainly not 18 - as they are borh 83 now and my MIL in particular is not in good health.

His parents are probably trying to get rid of X amount each year. It's not all altruistic!

@user1476613140 For what purpose?

but this will leave you in more financial stress as he is not going to suddenly step up and discover a work ethic is he? The money will end from his parents eventually and it is going to be worse for you when it does it sounds like.

Does his job come with an occupational pension? Retirement is going to be hard spent with a man like this if it doesn't.

I'm guessing to reduce IHT liability.

@time4anothername He only started paying into a pension from about the age of 30, if not a bit older. Again, no financial insight! I suppose he is relying on inheritance.

@user1476613140 Absolutely no way IHT comes into play. Their property is only worth about £280k.

Well, they're obviously keen to throw it away and have pots of the stuff to gift.

And what they're doing is known as "early inheritance".

@user1476613140 This is the thing - they don't! They are not "without" but don't go on holidays now or anything like that. My MIL gets an allowance as she is almost blind now (not sure what the allowance is called?) and they both have OK pensions. No car.

@user1476613140 Which, knowing their son, is a silly move! However, I have accepted we will never own a home so I guess they don't have to think about that for us down the line.

I think the problem is that dh is paying the money into OP's account so he feels he is paying her rather than paying the shared rent, utilities etc. Perhaps if a new account was opened from which the direct debit were taken it might shift dh's mindset. Presumably the OP and her dh are on the rental agreement.

I don’t understand this at all 🤷‍♀️….I’m 60 and my Mum often pays for stuff for me….she paid for a holiday for me last year…..and gave me money for a new patio….she’s 89 …says she can’t take it with her …..and wants to spend it on us while she’s alive…l.that’s what families do surely…..she’s always giving me petrol money…..she gets upset if I don’t take it so it’s not worth refusing….obviously if she didn’t have it I wouldn’t take it……but I am a homeowner with a good nhs pension and also work 2 days a week so I don’t ‘need’ it ….she gave me a good deposit for my first home when I was younger…..and I have done the same with my kids…..I pay for them to go on holidays and all my GC …..families helping out families that’s what you do ….lots of my friends have DMs who give them money and they are in their 60s like me

@Manthide Yes, we both are on this one (he wasn't on the previous one for reasons that probably make sense now).

Attendance allowance….my mum gets it too….that what she gives away to her kids and GC every month!

@Cat1504 Think that's it. I think my PIL would perhaps be best to use that for carers occasionally though as that sort of thing is what it's for? She is also very deaf which means my FIL has to be her full-time carer; he gets no real respite. Things like cleaning the house and keeping on top of it are a huge struggle.

Will he share any inheritance as family money?

Hopefully your daughter will benefit directly