Parents giving you money

[BestBefore2000]

Just curious to know if they still do?
My husband and I feel very differently about this. I'm 45 now but have always been raised to be self-sufficent. I've worked all of my life from the age of 16 (mat leaves only not working), three kids, years of being a single parent. Not wealthy by any stretch, privately renting still as can't afford a suitable mortgage. I do extra hours on Sundays to cover things as my job is term-time only. No benefits except CB. My car is over a decade old now but still works just about!!
Husband is 50 and works ft - earns more than me (around £2,400 net pm). However, his parents still give him a credit card that he is permitted to use for electricity for his car (they bought him a new electric car), bits and pieces of shopping etc. He contributes financially to our young shared daughter only as I have always been happy that my older children (shared care) I take financial responsibility for, along with my ex-husband. Other examples - husband had a nail in tyre the other day and so paid the £150 for a replacement. They also pay for his private dental care and give him extra money so he can pay for family holidays.
This is all alien to me but is it "normal"? I feel given his age it is not, but happy to be proved otherwise.
Edited to add - his parents are by no means well off. They are both in their 80s so have paid off their mortgage (modest 3 bed).

My parents have given me and my DB a lot of money in recent years. We are both comfortable financially. They are thinking ahead to inheritance tax etc and would far rather give it to us than see the government get it. They want to be able to help us in a way their parents couldn’t help them. We are incredibly grateful and it means we have been able to do projects in our house that we couldn’t have afforded otherwise.

I don't think it's that common. Maybe it depends on the gender of the child - my parents gave my brother a lump sum of tens of thousands of pounds, while giving me zero. And no, my financial situation was not better than my brother's was, it was actually worse. Families, huh?

@DelphiSwimsLate I do think at 50 he shouldn't be relying on his elderly parents, yes. I expect my children to work as hard as they can and earn well so they don't need to rely on parents.

I would say it’s very normal in certain circles eg house deposits, money for house renovations & paying school fees for gc.

A lot of people even high earners have significant family help.

My parents gave us a large contribution towards our wedding. Since then, they have given us a couple of large chunks of money when they downsized. The first time we used it when we moved house, more recently we have tucked the money away for our young adult children.

They’ve never, and I’ve never asked for money at any other point. So would never dream of asking for help to pay bills etc

@waterbobble We're definitely not in that sort of circle - privately renting for over a decade now as not enough £ to buy.

I do think it’s wrong though to do everything you can to reduce IHT & leave the state to pick up the tab.

I would never have asked for money from my parents once I left home. Nor was it ever offered. any financial help. My sister had a harder life than I and I know that they gave her financial assistance and bought her a car. She was always the golden child. She was not in a position to generate her own income for some years while she was a single mum bringing up children. Later I returned to education as a mature student and consequently my income dropped considerably. I had to live on a tough council estate. I was never offered any financia help from my parents. However my grandmother had left me money in her will which helped to suppliment my LEA grant. I also worked for my entire time in higher education to help support myself. It is with some pride that I can say I never received (or asked for) money from my parents once I left home.

I’m a single parent and my mum and dad give me £300 a month to pay for their tutoring and if there’s any left (there isn’t) it goes into the household pot. They also give me a couple of hundred for my birthday and Christmas.

I don’t think they’d give me any more than that even though they are very well off.

My kids don't ask anything from me and are basically independent. But I also recognise that things are far harder for them than they were for me and my DH with regard to housing and having no choice but to work after having babies.

Also I've watched every penny of my parents and PILs' savings and property disappear into care costs. So I want to help my kids while I can. Odds are that there will not be any inheritance for them

So I do that, within my means. They never ask, they always check whether I can afford to do that, and they're extremely appreciative.

They're not babied, they're not grasping, and I like being able to help.

@namechanged3210 I think that's what bothers me - the "small stuff" he should be able to cover such as electric for his car?

@BestBefore2000 It’s unlikely we would have bought when we did without family help. This was living at home for a small rent & a significant cash gift. I’m not in the circles I was talking about though! I sold my flat to a dad buying it outright for his dc.

We like to share our money while we are still alive. They get £200 each a month.
Plus we pay any meals out. None of us are rich just comfortable.
As long as we can manage it will carry on.
Both have good jobs, both have children this just helps a little bit more.

Neither DH or I (who are similar age to OP and her DH) get any financial support from parents.

But ... we fully expect to give our DC some on a regular basis; we have benefited from circumstances that will not be available to them to get into well paid jobs and have a certain amount of savings. So I fully expect that the number of parents (obviously, if they can afford it) giving money to adult children to be increasing.

No. They have never been in the position to. I have helped them when I have been able to.

And I save for my dc so they can have help with a housing deposit.

Not doing your DH any favours really. He hasn't had to fully function as a total adult at any point yet. Will he ever be able to?

This is the reason very wealthy people at times leave their money to charity, because they know it encourages lack of independence in their children.

Is he actually relying on them? It’s normal for parents to give money to adult children, which is what I thought your post was about.

But for a 50 year old to actively rely on it is not normal in my view, no.

If the help was removed I do think he should be able to replace it himself even if it means payment plans (for eg for dental care). If he can’t, I think he’s living beyond his means a bit.

Exactly. He doesn't cover it because he's dependent on them. Probably doesn't NEED to be but is coasting. A small scale form of infantilisation.

My parents (only dad now) have never supported me financially,I worked from 16 & I've been a single mom for 5 years now with 2 boys,dad doesn't help financially (I'm in the midst of sorting this as I'm in Ireland it's to go through Courts) they helped us when we moved into our new house buying bunk beds for the kids but that was a moving gift, bought me a slow cooker that was for Christmas,my dad does buy bits & pieces for the kids but he's always done that, my dad has recently helped by buying fuel for the house,wood & turf but that's like €20 a week & I pay for my oil,but that's about it. That little help which is huge to me as it truly helps me is normal in our family

Yes. Many of us much maligned boomers DO recognise our good fortune. It saddens me to see my kids not being able to afford the kind of family house they need, and that their dad and I could afford at a much younger age. Also they're still paying off student loans that we didn't have. And paying childcare costs that we didn't need to pay.

So yes, I think that an increasing number of us who are fortunate enough to be financially stable and with savings, want to try to redress the balance a little.

ETA that my kids are a fair bit younger than 50, though!

My parents won’t be leaving the state to pick up the tab for anything. They have funds available should they need to pay for care homes. Any money being given to me and DB is separate.

What they object to is their IHT picking up the tab for others that happily let the state pick up the tab! And paying tax on already taxed income.

Food for thought. I always assumed older adults were managing on their own, especially as I'm convinced most people of of our ages who both work own their own home and have more income than us! I guess I do feel ashamed I'm not "good enough"?
Edited to add - still paying off student loan!

This is the reason very wealthy people at times leave their money to charity, because they know it encourages lack of independence in their children.

It’s really unusual to leave everything to charity & nothing to your dc. Often the dc have gone to private schools, are mortgage free, set up etc & then money is left to charity which is quite different.

@Slightyamusedandsilly This is how I feel. His parents have always "bailed him out."