Are we leaving it too late to get married and have kids? We’re both 33!

[Benny91]

So me and my partner have recently bought a house together, however we’ve not got engaged yet and neither haven’t started trying for kids yet! Are we leaving it too late? We’ve been together 9 years! Although in that time we’ve been on holidays together and have been saving for a house whilst living in a flat.

Not at all, no.

Met DP at 35, now 36, plan to get married at 37 and start TTC at almost 38.

Not too late yet - but get a move on. Do a quick wedding (no ring, no baby) and then start trying. It took me 3 years and 2 miscarriages to get one child, and I was in my 20s.

You can have children in your later 30s/early 40s, but it's harder when you're older, and by 45 half of pregnancies will miscarry. Rates of health issues in the babies also rise with parental age.

But you don’t know how that’s going to go for you! I hope it goes well for you but nobody knows until they try.

I paid for a Hertility test which was quite insightful and thankfully most of my results were in the normal ish range but that also doesn’t necessarily mean everything will be fine

Well, yes, no one knows anything. We’re waiting a couple of years due to circumstances. If we can’t get pregnant at 38, and IVF is unsuccessful, and we’re rejected for adoption, then… so be it? That’s life 🤷‍♀️ it’s not a picture perfect fairytale no matter which path you take.

It is a perfectly normal age to get married and start trying at this point. I would still prioritize marriage over pregnancy. You don’t need a big flashy wedding. You don’t need to own a house. You do need to have legal contracts in place to protect yourself and the easiest way to do that is to get married.

That's a really unkind way to think about your friend. Everyone makes choices for their own reasons. No one knows what the future holds for them.
Similar to your friend, DH and I met young. We moved in together after a couple of years, married after 10 years, then had one DC. We'd been together 16 years by then. There were good reasons for the timing of all of this, and it took us a few years to have a child, but I was only 30 when we started trying. If I knew a friend of mine was judging me, particularly for having a child when we did, I would cut them off.

Remember just because people met young doesn't mean it's all roses. People change. In many ways you're better to meet when you've more life experience and know yourselves better.