Are we leaving it too late to get married and have kids? We’re both 33!

[Benny91]

So me and my partner have recently bought a house together, however we’ve not got engaged yet and neither haven’t started trying for kids yet! Are we leaving it too late? We’ve been together 9 years! Although in that time we’ve been on holidays together and have been saving for a house whilst living in a flat.

I’d say you had quite a few years!

My husband and I got engaged and bought a house when I was 30. I was 31 when we married, and we had our first child when I was 36.

You have had 9 years of being together, I got with my DH aged 31 and we had DS at 33 for him and 34 for me. I would have loved longer to just be us two. If you want children especially more than one why wouldn’t you start now. Just get married and have a simple ceremony, no need to spend loads and then start.

What are you waiting for if you know you both want children? I started dating my now husband at 19. Had our first when I was 28, was an accident but I feel like we were putting it off now for no good reason! Then we go married when I was 31 and had second so at 32. Now at 35 I have started having issues looking like endo and may need a hysterectomy! So glad we had our happy accident but also wish we had started even earlier as would have had more time with our children in the end.

No. Met DH at 34, first DC at 37, married at 41, second DC at 42.

If you really want them, I would start trying asap.
Some people will get pregnant easily enough in mid to late thirties on, but my experience is it really does get harder after 35. If there are any problems, the sooner you find out the better.

Yes, prioritise trying for a pregnancy if you both want that, you can get married at any time.

I'm going to be really honest

Couples like you KIND of baffle me.

I wish I was able to have meet my dh younger and had more time to have more kids.

My friend met her husband aged 20... they waited until she was 36 and he was 37 and ended up having fertility issues and have 1 child now...

She hates it and desperately wants a second and seems to think I had it easy.
(I met my dh at 34 almost 35 so we were basically doing something every year ...move in, engagment and house, marry, baby, baby ....it was intense but we met late so had to crack on)

I hear her moans a lot and have to restrain myself because I want to scream what the fuck is your problem You won the fucking lottery... then farted about for a fucking decade!!!!
you met him age 20 and didnt have to fuck about on tinder for 3 long years so piss off with your whining!!!

Outside my head I say "that sounds hard" and "oh but x is such a joy" etc

After 9 years you know..dont get a massove ring or piss money up the wall unless you want to but get a civil ceremony or whatever and please be legally marry before kids... have the big party whenever.

Why not get married and have a baby then? Dh and I had our first at 32 and 2nd at 37. I didn’t consider that late at all. We got married almost exactly 3 years after we met though. Personally, if you’re serious enough to buy property together (I’d never do that without being married first), then get married and start a family if you’re sure it’s the right relationship for you.

Do you know she definitely didn’t start trying until 36?

We started trying aged 31 and had DS aged 38 - after 7 years of miscarriages and infertility. We didn’t advertise it.

Unless there's a financial reason you can't start trying for a family now I don't know what the problem is.

It's not like a compulsory process with set done time scales, it's 2026, if you want a child just crack on

I got married at 34 and had my first 9 months later and second at 37

Yes. 100% shes one of my closest friends.

she though my and my dh were "rushing"

Neither seem to have any concept of biological realities.

My point is ypu dont know how the chips will land.

I am under no illusion I was pretty lucky to have mine at 38 and 40

Just go get married this year and then start trying. You don’t have to have some long engagement period.

Do you want more than one child? You need to factor that in if so as it can take a while to conceive, and biologically speaking it does get more difficult in your late 30s.

My best friend met her husband when they were both 25. They said they wanted children but wanted to enjoy just being the two of them first and they didn't end up starting to try to conceive until they were 39. It's been a few years now and no baby, which they're desperately sad about. They really shouldn't have waited so long IMO.

Well done for buying the house. Yes it's probably sensible to start trying for kids soon if that's what you want, you might be lucky and find it easy, or you might face difficulties and have to try for a long time.

You could consider getting some tests from a fertility clinic to get a better idea of how fertile you are, but it's no guarantee in any case.

I didn’t even meet my DH until I was 36 and we’re married with a toddler! I’m not suggesting you hang about any longer but you’re not out of time either!

You can't know whether you will struggle to conceive, but obviously the older people get the more likely they are to have problems.

I had my kids in my mid to late thirties. It's a good age to have young children, but I am slightly sad that I won't know them as long as someone who has their kids younger. Statistically I'm likely to die when they are in their mid forties, so if they also have children in their mid thirties, I won't see my grandchildren grow up. I know you can't predict what will happen in life, but I would never choose to have children late if you can avoid it.

Personally I wanted to be married before having DC. If the same matters to you, at 33 I’d look at getting married and trying for kids ASAP to be honest.

You never really know if you’ve left it too late until you start trying.

If I were you I would get married this year and then crack on with the baby making.

33 isn’t exactly old for having DC but if you want more than 1 time is not on your side.

Biologically the clock starts ticking for women in their early twenties. We are simply not as fertile as we go into our 30s. By 35 you’ll count as an old mother medically (as I was!). I have a friend who conceived at 42. I have friends who struggled at 35

so will you be alright? Depends on your health and your set of circumstances. You can have tests done to check how fertile etc you are if you want to check and use that info fit decision making

DH and I were 35 and 33 when we had DD. All my BIL had children when they were 35, 37 (his wife 39) and 41. My friends had their eldest at 34, 40, 36, 35, 37, 35, 38. From that itv wouldn't be unusual to have DC mid-late 30s. I'm nearly 59 and age has been a problem for any us, and perfectly capable of managing them and enjoying them and life.

I had my kids in my late twenties and unfortunately now, age 36, know lots of friend couples going through fertility struggles. Lots of miscarriages and IVF. Have so much sympathy for all of my friends going through this, but I also can't help but wonder why they waited so long. In all cases they met their now husbands in their twenties but just weren't in any rush. Very open about wanting to go on lots of long haul holidays etc before marriage and kids.
The other side of it is my mum being only 61 has the energy to be a really involved granny and she'll get to see them grow up. Of course there are no guarantees, but if I live as long as most of my grandparents have, my kids will be in their 60s when I die. I'm likely to have a lot more time with them than if I'd had them in my 40s. I did feel like I had to work extra hard in my early 30s at trying to catch up on my career having had two periods of maternity leave in 20s but it's very much been worth it.

If you’ve been living together, why would you get engaged rather than just get married?

Don't wait too long. Being an older mother is hard work. Menopause and puberty?

Just book a registry office service and get married or have a civil partnership and get on with having children. You don't know how long it will take to conceive and blowing money on a party can be done at any time. Get your legal paperwork sorted & save for a celebration afterwards.
https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/living-together-marriage-and-civil-partnership/living-together-and-marriage-legal-differences/