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I admit I had my babies a long time ago, so probably everything I think I know is wrong….

205 replies

CurlewKate · 08/02/2026 08:43

…and I’m sure there have been many good changes in baby raising practices. But two things in particular seem to be causing anxiety and stress in the new and expecting mothers on here and in my RL that there seems to be no real evidence for, and seem to just be things to beat women up about. Colostrum harvesting and tummy time. Am I missing acres of scientific evidence? To nail my colours to the mast, I was a hippy dippy attachment parent who was old and confident enough to question anything I was told if it didn’t seem to make sense to me. But for many that’s a very very hard thing to do.

OP posts:
Deadringer · 08/02/2026 12:35

My first was born in 1990 and tummy time was recommended then, she hated it and would screech the place down if I lay her on her front even for a minute. She didn't spend much time in a car seat anyway as i didn't drive at the time. She was a brilliant sleeper after the first couple of months and we moved her into her own room at 4 months (with a baby monitor) because it was difficult going to bed ourselves without waking her. I think the minimum age for them being in their own room is 6+ months now? Introduction to solids was 3 months then, when my ds was born 2 years later it was 4 months, and by the time my youngest was born it was 6 months. Times change but I think most parents have always done their best to follow expert advice no matter how long ago they had their babies.

SandyY2K · 08/02/2026 12:37

CurlewKate · 08/02/2026 09:22

That’s interesting-I must have been looking in the wrong places!
Are there a lot of cases of flat head? More than there were? I remember a huge debate back in the day about whether it was a serious issue or something to encourage the sale of special helmet things…..

I've not heard of colostrium harvesting. It wasn't mentioned when I had my children who are early to mid twenties now.

I do find from reading on MN so much fuss over simple aspects of parenting.

FellowSuffereroftheAbsurd · 08/02/2026 12:48

I remember tummy time decades back, but I also think the marketing of mats/toys for tummy time on the floor has made it more of a thing as it was. Like a PP said: We were told tummy time can include baby lying / sleeping on your chest. I expect most parents will do this sort of thing without labelling as such.

All my kids for the first few months spent a lot of time laying on my or their father's chest - they'd lift their heads for a bit and look around before they'd clonk them back down. The idea that it should be on the floor with these devices to make it better is what is nonsense. Even my child who became very kicky do not touch' around 6-7 month was happy with this during the time when tummy time is recommended. I don't recall putting them on the floor for it.

I've no idea on colostrum harvesting, but I had my kids in a time, place, and around people who openly called breastfeeding disgusting so there was not much about it in discussions in real life, only the online wars I saw from time to time. It was also a time and place where I had more than a few people freak the fuck out about using baby carriers rather than pushchairs, even when I was using a mobility device that wouldn't work with a pushchair - literally had people shout at me in the streets over it.

I was also a bit 🙄 about this one. Who has a big enough house to dedicate an entire bedroom to a mattress, moving everything else out and having nobody else sleep in there etc?

I'm not sure where the idea that floor bed means no one else sleeping in there and nothing else in there came from - it's literally just putting the mattress on the floor or on a very low frame so they can get into and out of bed themselves with minimal risk of harm. This can be done with other furniture or even other beds the small child cannot climb on in the same room.

There's a fair bit of privilege inherent in this - many babies do not have a room to themselves. Most babies under 6 months old are in their parents room.

All of my kids shared a room with their father and I before 10 months, all but one until after a year. Two of them had floor beds when they first moved into a separate room, both because they moved around a lot in their sleep and woke themselves from hitting/kicking the sides, so we wanted bigger beds, but also not ones they could really fall out of and get hurt. My DS1 was also really restless when he was young so he had a double that a parent could lay down on. DD2 was in a single and shared her room with both her older siblings who were in a bunk bed that DD2 couldn't climb until she was closer to 2 and in her own proper bed. We had one of those soft chairs that folds out into a mattress for a parent to lay down on, I think us parents were on floor mattresses far more than the kids.

If you want to think a mattress on the floor is a fair bit of privilege, that's up to you, individual beds at all can seem a privilege compared to many across time and place. It does seems a little odd to me that something I've known more than a few parents have done because a bedframe broke and couldn't afford to fix it or after a scare when a young child has managed to fling themselves out of a cot and it was the only option available has become some sort of wealth symbol, but it's not the oddest thing I've heard where something normal in poverty is made posh.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Mymanyellow · 08/02/2026 12:49

Thesnailonthewhale · 08/02/2026 10:23

Well "back in the day" people hit their kids, shouted at them, neglected and ignored them, left them to cry themselves to sleep etc

It wasn't some magical time where parents and kids were all perfectly happy.... And it's not as if we have an adult population that are happy, content, free and secure with their emotions etc...

I didn’t thanks.

littleorangefox · 08/02/2026 12:52

There may be a small increase in a few common infections for some babies in early infancy which results in a modest cost to the NHS. In reality, there is very little difference between the health of formula and breast fed babies.

bornintelligent · 08/02/2026 12:55

HNRTFT but I certainly never heard of tummy time when my children were babies,mid 90s and 2000.
They and their friends all hold their heads upright,normal shaped heads etc !

bandog · 08/02/2026 13:10

GaelsBlue · 08/02/2026 11:07

Agree. I breastfed partly for the convenience so can't understand why anyone would want to be feeding AND pumping, it must take up so much time. And one of mine was a bottle refuser anyway.

Totally depends on the mum and the baby! Mine was far too nosy after a while to breastfeed when out and about, he wanted to see what was going on. Was much easier giving him a bottle of expressed milk so he could sit as he liked propped up watching the world go by while having a feed.

TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · 08/02/2026 13:20

Colostrum harvesting - it turned out my boobs produced prodigious amounts of colostrum. 15ml a day before I got bored.

And a good job too, because my son was fine, but it went to my friend's child when they came out of NICU, and it was the only thing to get her gaining weight.

My MIL is constantly telling me "not to worry" whenever I mention my son's development/behaviour/whatever. But I'm not worrying - it's just something I've noticed, something I'm doing with no fuss etc. Knowing and acting on a bit of advice isn't worrying. This seems to be reflected in lots of older people saying "don't worry about that, my adult children turned out fine with any of that faff".

Which is annoying when a) I'm neither worried nor faffing and b) I know their adult children and it is definitely untrue that they turned out fine!

Brainstorm23 · 08/02/2026 13:22

I read about colostrum harvesting only yesterday on here and it sounds bizarre. Daughter is 8 and it definitely wasn't a thing back then.

Tummy time is just a thing they say to make sure babies don't spend all their lives on their back. I'm old and when I was a baby my mum was a stay at home mum who probably just let me crawl around in the background while she got on with her life so tummy time wasn't needed.

TwilightAb · 08/02/2026 13:33

I never did colostrum harvesting and breast fed both my babie Tummy time was something we just did every now and then, no big deal about it and both children can walk/ run/ hold themselves up no problem. I think social media has a lot to answer for in putting the fear of god in to new and expecting mothers.

TaraRhu · 08/02/2026 15:05

MrsLizzieDarcy · 08/02/2026 10:59

I'm bewildered by the whole pumping then bottle feeding of breast milk. What a faff. I would sometimes express first thing on one side as that's when you had most milk and freeze it for emergencies but the equipment and sterilising is such a pain... talk about make your life harder. It just seems so sad and detached to not enjoy the feeds - I loved having an excuse to sit down, you can't pass them to anyone else, and whatever else needs doing can wait.

It really depends. Whats easy for you isn't for others. I hated breastfeeding with a passion and pumped for 3 months along with some formula. Nothing on earth would have made me enjoy breastfeeding. I bonded and enjoyed my kids with contact naps and consenting. Both of which other people may hate!

Arraminta · 08/02/2026 22:27

Last year, I was in Boots queuing behind a new Mum with her baby. She was puzzling over formula and asking the assistant whether it was 'safe' to wean her baby at only 5 and a half months? She was obviously quite stressed about it. I had a quiet word and reassured her that it was perfectly safe and, in fact, I'd weaned both my DDs at 12 weeks, and that DD1 had played 2 sports at county level and DD2 had been a competetive gymnast. DH was weaned at 6 weeks FFS and was Victor Ludorum at his grammar school and played cricket and rugby for his university.

She was visibly relieved bless her. New Mums aren't given nearly enough sensible reassurance nowadays.

ClairDeLaLune · 08/02/2026 22:31

I wish I’d heard of colostrum harvesting 20 years ago when I was having 9lb 8oz DD. She screamed for most of her first 3 days as she was so hungry and my tiny amount of colostrum wasn’t helping. Calmed down completely when my milk came in.

Tummy time isn’t new! That was a thing when I had DS now 23.

Parker231 · 08/02/2026 22:34

Arraminta · 08/02/2026 22:27

Last year, I was in Boots queuing behind a new Mum with her baby. She was puzzling over formula and asking the assistant whether it was 'safe' to wean her baby at only 5 and a half months? She was obviously quite stressed about it. I had a quiet word and reassured her that it was perfectly safe and, in fact, I'd weaned both my DDs at 12 weeks, and that DD1 had played 2 sports at county level and DD2 had been a competetive gymnast. DH was weaned at 6 weeks FFS and was Victor Ludorum at his grammar school and played cricket and rugby for his university.

She was visibly relieved bless her. New Mums aren't given nearly enough sensible reassurance nowadays.

Best thing a midwife said to me when I said I would be using formula from day one, buy the one your local supermarket stocks the most of - that is the best one.

SeriousTissues · 08/02/2026 22:41

TheCurious0range · 08/02/2026 09:02

I was encouraged to do it as I had gestational diabetes and there was a risk my baby's sugar levels would be too low at birth and colostrum is a good remedy to that. I felt better being prepared and as it was his sugar levels were fine but he had a tongue tie so I was very pleased to have it

Mine’s 15 now, but I remember colostrum harvesting being mentioned when I was pregnant but being advised not to do it - I had thought on reading this thread it was because of GD, but obviously not! I wonder why I was advised against it.

Did tummy time, but I was also told baby wearing was a good substitute for it and as she went everywhere in the sling, I didn’t stress about tummy time!

Arraminta · 08/02/2026 22:42

Parker231 · 08/02/2026 22:34

Best thing a midwife said to me when I said I would be using formula from day one, buy the one your local supermarket stocks the most of - that is the best one.

Yep, exactly. My first midwife was evil. But the one I had with DD2 was a joy. She introduced me to the sensible phrase 'Everyone fed, no one dead' was as much as a new Mum could hope to achieve some days.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 08/02/2026 22:55

Applecup · 08/02/2026 09:40

Tummy time has been around since the eighties at least. What year were your kids born?

It hasn't.
I had two babies in the 1980s and another two in the 1990s and tummy time was never mentioned.

CurlyKoalie · 08/02/2026 23:24

I have written this in the hope that some new mums will gain some self confidence from it and that grandmas are reassured they have valuable insight even if it doesn't match current trends.
I remember putting both of my children on their tummies on a playmat around 2000 but I don't remember being told to do it by anyone but I guess I might have read it. I didn't do the colostrum thing. Never heard of it.
I generally ignored the advice of my midwives and health visitors as they were younger than me, had very little life experience and no children!
The person I listened to was my mother. A nursing matron of many years who had 2 children of her own.
I was really upset after one midwife said I was holding my baby wrong when breastfeeding because " it didn't look like the picture in the book". My mum simply said to me " Does it work and is it comfortable for you both?"
I said " yes" and my mum fixed the midwife with her steely matron look and said " Mum knows best, leave her alone"
She helped me with so many situations like that and gave me the confidence to try different things but go with my gut if I felt the advice I was being given was "trendy clap- trap."
She reassured me that babies are much more resilient than many people thinking and she hated the way baby books set out rules for everything and how that particular generation of midwives and health visitors guilt tripped new mothers on things like breast feeding.
She told me all babies are different, and whilst people like her can make suggestions to try , there's no prescribed formula and you just have to find a path through that makes you and baby happy.
So new mums, find yourself an older female adviser - mum, relative or friend, who's been through it all but has a sensible head on her shoulders.
They are worth their weight in gold.

MadridMadridMadrid · 08/02/2026 23:37

Barnsleybonuz · 08/02/2026 12:17

My 23 year old only ever had sleeping bags. Nobody used blankets. And never a hat indoors. Vest, babygro, sleeping bag. Done

My DC now aged 25 and 22 definitely had sheets and blankets as babies, not sleeping bags! Sheets and blankets were definitely what was advised when my now 25-year-old was born.

mathanxiety · 08/02/2026 23:37

Mikabli · 08/02/2026 08:49

The NHS encourages colostrum harvesting from 37 weeks of pregnancy onwards. And yes there is scientific evidence about how it can really help a newborn straight after birth, especially if the mother chooses not to go onto breastfeed after. They didn't just pluck it out of their arse and decide moms should do it theres loads of science backed evidence why its a good thing.

And yes tummy time is good for them developmentally and helps prevent flat head that so many are aflicted with as a result of the safe sleep guidelines which is laid flat on their back to sleep.

Someone in the NHS didn't read the research properly.

It's really only indicated when there's a danger of low blood sugar in the baby plus some major difficulty latching (e.g. cleft palate), or where it is known that the baby and mother will be separated immediately after birth and no other means of feeding the baby are possible.

It's not a make-or-break break factor for the health of the vast, vast majority of babies, and while it encourages some women to continue breastfeeding, there is a risk that failure to express colostrum (something that happens frequently) discourages many others.

MightyDandelionEsq · 08/02/2026 23:45

emeraldsandolives · 08/02/2026 12:03

I had a horrible midwife ‘caring’ for us after DD was born. I was struggling with breastfeeding and she blamed the fact I had not harvested colostrum before birth. I had really tried. She really upset me.

I'm sorry you went through that.

I couldn’t harvest colostrum, I could never pump - but I exclusively breastfed for 2 years without formula. Ironically, the NHS was absolutely shit for BF advice and if I’d listened to my HV I’d have gotten nowhere with my feeding journey. You did nothing wrong and the support for breastfeeding is abysmal and often tantamount to bullying by the NHS, often by women who have never even breastfed but are being told to push it.

As for tummy time, a lot of mothers aren’t told that holding your baby counts. I was driven crazy by my HV that I wasn’t doing tummy time because my baby was colicky and I baby wore all the time because I could never put her down. I had the earliest walker in my group…

MightyDandelionEsq · 08/02/2026 23:51

littleorangefox · 08/02/2026 12:52

There may be a small increase in a few common infections for some babies in early infancy which results in a modest cost to the NHS. In reality, there is very little difference between the health of formula and breast fed babies.

I’m sorry (and I’m not shaming any formula feeders) but there are differences, the WHO have also stated it’s best to breastfeed where possible for the first two years so it’s backed with scientific proof.

Every woman has the right to choose how to feed her baby but the rhetoric that it makes no difference is factually incorrect. This is why the NHS push for formula feeding women to try and harvest colostrum pre birth if they plan to bottle feed from the start.

www.who.int/health-topics/breastfeeding

Kikimono · 09/02/2026 01:21

MightyDandelionEsq · 08/02/2026 23:51

I’m sorry (and I’m not shaming any formula feeders) but there are differences, the WHO have also stated it’s best to breastfeed where possible for the first two years so it’s backed with scientific proof.

Every woman has the right to choose how to feed her baby but the rhetoric that it makes no difference is factually incorrect. This is why the NHS push for formula feeding women to try and harvest colostrum pre birth if they plan to bottle feed from the start.

www.who.int/health-topics/breastfeeding

There is no 'proof' in science. The differences you're talking about provide statistically insignificant differences, and a lot of those are impacted by myriad concurrent environmental factors unconnected to the way the baby is fed.

MotherofPufflings · 09/02/2026 07:31

MadridMadridMadrid · 08/02/2026 23:37

My DC now aged 25 and 22 definitely had sheets and blankets as babies, not sleeping bags! Sheets and blankets were definitely what was advised when my now 25-year-old was born.

Yes, baby sleeping bags were not widely available when my eldest son was born 26 years ago. I think the only kind were Gro bags and you had to get them mail order from Jojo mama bebe - no branches where I lived.

DinoCookie · 09/02/2026 07:45

I was asked to colostrum harvest due to having gestational diabetes. Good job I did as DS kept falling asleep as soon as he latched for the first 12 hours! The midwives were syringe feeding what I harvested. I harvested more throughout the night too as this was the only way he was feeding that night, since he was so sleepy from the quick birth! I'm glad I had done it at home so I knew what to do.

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