I admit I had my babies a long time ago, so probably everything I think I know is wrong….

[CurlewKate]

…and I’m sure there have been many good changes in baby raising practices. But two things in particular seem to be causing anxiety and stress in the new and expecting mothers on here and in my RL that there seems to be no real evidence for, and seem to just be things to beat women up about. Colostrum harvesting and tummy time. Am I missing acres of scientific evidence? To nail my colours to the mast, I was a hippy dippy attachment parent who was old and confident enough to question anything I was told if it didn’t seem to make sense to me. But for many that’s a very very hard thing to do.

Pity chatgpt didn't also summarise the variables from the studies the bullet points are taken from for you.

The colostrum thing is a desperate attempt to mitigate against the fact that the UK still has the worst bf stats in the entire world.

tummy time is to try to prevent flat heads and was introduced after the cot death prevention advice came in to get babies to sleep on their backs as some
babies started develop flat heads being on their backs all the time

Tummy time was a thing when I had mine 20 plus years ago.

What definitely wasn’t a thing was the trend of taking repeated pregnancy tests and obsessing over the lines darkening. No-one did this. I did one test with each pregnancy!

back in 1990 tummy time wasn't a thing as babies were still sleeping on the tummy - it was abruptly changed to back sleeping only justs after this and I would imagine this is where "safe" tummy time became needed. Babies weren't spending any time on their tummy sleeping due to being considered a cause of cot death and so tummy time was needed when the parents were awake and could be vigilant.

making up a days worth of bottle every 24 hours was happening
health visitor giving advice about giving baby cups of tea in a weaning cup
caffeine still drunk through pregnancy
but soft cheese and raw egg was off the menu

Most babies under 6 months are in with their parents because that is the safe sleep guidance.

It’s not a hugely privileged statement from PP to think that most babies grow up in homes with more than one bedroom. I’d bet that the majority of first children have their own room as small children.

I was advised about tummy time but not about colostrum harvesting, though I imagine it's because I always made it clear that I'd be formula feeding.

I had an early 90s baby she slept on her back occasionally her side if i was near by,but "back to sleep" was around from 90/91.

Yes tummy time was a thing with my oldest in 1997.
The harvest thing wasn't a thing in 2013 with my youngst. Would never have worked and my children are bf.

Floor beds were very much a thing in my aforementioned hippy dippy circles. We just deconstructed our bed frame and had a mattress on the floor of our room which we all piled onto. To be replaced in time by mattresses on the floor of the kids rooms and the reconstruction of the our bed. We didn’t use cots at all.

Ermm.. we used a floor bed not because I thought a cot was cruel 😆 because it’s the only way we could all get sleep (breastfeed to sleep and then leave).

I would have loved for my babies to sleep in their “cages”. Sorry if this perspective astounds you! The idea that babies happily go into a cot is fairly astounding for me tbh.

we all do what we need to do to survive 🤷‍♀️

I have a 12 and 8 year old and didn’t do either of those things and everything had been fine. Well actually I tried tummy time with my older dc because it was encouraged, but she hated it and screamed every time she was put on her front so I stopped doing it. I didn’t bother with my second dc. Both their heads were fine and they both developed physically at the right points.

As for harvesting colostrum, unless it’s for a specific recommended reason, it seems to be just another stress and potential rod to beat you with, in your life as a parent.

We were told tummy time can include baby lying / sleeping on your chest. I expect most parents will do this sort of thing without labelling as such.

Jesus im glad i had my babies before the Internet was invented....i was anxious enough without all this pressure

Is it pressure? Probably down to individual experience and different NHS trusts no?

It was never mentioned to me until I asked about it in a midwife appointment. I had heard about it already and my SIL (who combi fed and did struggle with breastfeeding and PND) mentioned it to me and gave me some sterile syringes. Midwife gave me more and some advice.

I went back and said I'm struggling to get any, the midwife said there's no need, nothing to worry about at all. Really supportive and no pressure. I said I'd had some leaking, so she said clearly I had some supply already. Offered to show me how to do it if I wanted, I really did and when she showed me I realised I'd been trying in completely the wrong place!

It was really helpful after the birth because we could give my baby some from the syringe just for reassurance that he'd definitely had something. At one point he was overdue a feed (inexperienced new parents and we didn't realise until towards the end of his hearing test), then my ILs showed up. Was great to be able to finish giving him something from the syringe.

Did have great local breastfeeding support in a birth centre though. Still EBF at just shy of a year.

When did you have your first? Mine was 1985 and because SIDS wasn't on the radar, if your baby liked to sleep on their stomach, it was said to let them. We also wrapped and put them on their side, with rolled up blankets. It wasn't until Ann Diamond's awareness campaign after the loss of her son, in 1991, that we were told to keep them on their back. I can remember the new Mclaren buggy became affordable and Silver Cross bought out a version in 1987, it had a triangle shaped cushion that took away the dip, so newborns were no longer in prams and flat on the back of their heads. When I had my other children in the 90's, tummy time was advised. We knew more about development by then.

Really interesting thank you! I was born early 90s, my mum's not around anymore so I can't ask about what the advice was at the time

My oldest was born mid-nineties and we definitely did tummy time. I thought it was to help develop their arm/core/shoulder muscles for pushing up and crawling.

We didn't know about colostrum harvesting or cord blood banking. Some people did do something so they could eat their placenta. If I was doing it now, I would try colostrum harvesting, as I can see it could end up being beneficial - my oldest wouldn't latch on for 24 hours, so it would have been nice to give him that. I would also harvest cord blood. I still would not eat my placenta - truthfully, I was happy to get rid of it.

There were fewer sources of constant information, and maybe it was time and place, but New York in the mid-nineties was pretty full of expectations for competitively perfect pregnancy diet, natural labour and birth, breastfeeding and child rearing. We definitely avoided caffeine. I had HG and remember feeling endless guilt that I couldn't even think about eating tinned pumpkin straight from the tin for the 'perfect amount of vitamin A'. We did lots of baby wearing and co-sleeping, breastfed on demand. We did not let babies cry themselves to sleep.

Funnily, I would still recommend Penelope Leach and Dr Benjamin Spock as good sources of gentle but common sense advice.

What’s so hard about tummy time?! It’s literally putting our baby onto the tummy for a few minutes as opposed to on their back.

A friend of a dd had her 2nd at 45, and dd had her 3rd at nearly 43. Among her friends and social circle, babies in early 40s, certainly late 30s, are very much a thing.

Another friend finally had her longed for IVF baby at IIRC 47, after many failed attempts. She had in fact given up, but after a lapse thought she might as well have the final embryo implanted.
TBH I can’t help wondering whether the lack of stress (it’s never going to work anyway, so I’m not working myself into a state about it) was a factor contributing to the eventual successful pregnancy.

There are plenty of threads on here where mothers are worrying that their babies don’t like it.

My oldest is 35 and my youngest 30. All had 'tummy time' and that's what we called it.

My mum was born in the 1920s and told me never to put the babies face down. No duvets. Nothing weighty. Always on their back. And get enough sleep yourself so you're not dropping off with a baby on the sofa because that's how they get squished.

I never liked the idea of anything that was 'bucket seaty' as I thought delicate spines should be flat whenever possible - prams where the kids were lying prone and very limited time in car seats.

Back then, crying was just something babies did. Pram in garden with cat net on.

The word 'harvesting' makes my blood run cold.

I think it must be hard having a baby now. So much information coming at you.

Nope. Just the odds playing out.

Didn't Dr Spock suggest floor beds in the 70's?

I didn't do colostrum harvesting partially due to fears of causing labour and partly because I kept forgetting to ask the midwife for a pack of syringes at my appointments.

I did initially worry I wasn't doing enough tummy time but I held my baby most of the time in the early weeks so she was getting tummy time on me rather than on the floor.

I do think there's a lot of information now so it can be easy to let small things make you anxious. My mum had baby books but not multiple different apps and social media saying contradictory things.

How can you know? I know of two couples who eventually managed a successful pregnancy after years of trying - but only after they’d given up, accepting that it was never going to happen.