DD banned from NYC trip

[Chickenwinger]

Morning

DF (15) has been a pain at school recently I don’t dispute this. Last summer she went to France with the school and had a fallout with some friends. She responded by not following staff instructions:m/ being rude and the teachers had to call me.

there’s NYC trip later this year that she had signed up for. The Headteacher said he’d allow her to still go if she demonstrates positive behaviour between now and then.

last week she attended a day trip- a geography field trip. She had an another argument and basically walked off in the middle of the city as she sas upset. Staff located her promptly and it was clear that she’d been provoked by the other girl.

yesterday I received a call from the deputy head to tell me that her place on the New York trip has been cancelled. Apparently they aren’t confident that she’ll behave and staff aren’t willing to be responsible. They’ve refunded me way I’ve paid so far.

ste’s devastated and has cried all night. I can’t help but feel the school have been heavy handed. DH disagrees and thinks it serves her right!!

do I need to pursue this with the school as a complaint?

She’s had multiple chances and every time she’s on a field trip she runs off. Fuck taking her to another country and being responsible for her. School have been more than fair she need to learn to regulate

No.

You need to use this as a learning opportunity for your DD. Do things that mean people can't trust you, and there will be a consequence.

You are thinking of complaining?

This is totally on her!

Schools right.

Get on board and work with her on how she manages her anger as storming off in unfamiliar cities puts herself and others at risk.

Don’t be the soft touch.

Unfortunately, she has on too many occasions proved that it would be too much of a risk for them to take her. I feel you should be backing the school up on this one.

No. She can't be trusted, why on earth would you want your child to be so far from home and potentially putting herself at risk? Why should teachers be responsible for her if she can't behave? I'm stunned you think she deserves to go.

She can’t be trusted to stay with the group. Of course the teachers are not going to feel confident being in charge of her. It’s a very hard lesson but one she needs to learn

You can't be serious?
You can't seriously expect them to take her to the USA if she can't behave on a single day trip?

The school gave her a chance. They made the consequences of bad behaviour very clear. She is now facing those consequences.

This is a lesson to her. The school can’t risk taking her if she’s badly behaved. I think they’re doing the right thing.

I think your DH is right I'm afraid. It doesn't matter that the other girl provoked her. It's about whether the staff feel able to keep her safe more than punishment. I absolutely don't blame her teachers for being abundantly cautious when it comes to being responsible for a 15yo in New York who has a tendency to disappear and refuse to follow instructions when upset.

Far better this being the consequences of her behaviour than something awful happening to her in NYC

This is one of these moments where she has to accept consequences. She’s shown twice now that she can’t be trusted on a trip. Your reaction to it being to think the school is at fault somehow here is quite illuminating though.

I think they are being reasonable, given the incidents on the two previous trips and her response being to walk off and not following instructions. They have to prioritise the safety of the group and she's presenting as a liability really. That's not to say she is being unreasonable being upset about it though.

She made her bed, now she has to lie in it. It's a life lesson and not an unfair one, she ignored the warnings and has continued to behave like a loose cannon so she's only got herself to blame. You're making excuses for her and blaming the other party.

Agree with your DH. Actions have consequences and she’d been warned already. Tough but maybe she’ll learn now.

No, this is on her.
The teachers in charge need to know she can follow instructions. If they have to go off looking for her because she has stropped off then it disrupts the trip for everyone else.
You are lucky they are refunding you tbh.

FAFO

No way would I leave the country with this potential nightmare scenario.

You can’t be serious. Of course, you shouldn’t complain.

Model some behaviour to your daughter by NOT throwing your toys out of the pram with the school. She sounds a very lucky girl to be in a position to go on such trips but clearly doesn’t appreciate it. Why would staff want to have to manage such a badly behaved person on the trip?

NYC can be really quite dangerous imo. It’s a shame for her I know but I think it’s probably a sensible decision.

Hell no.

she’s absolutely proved she can’t be trusted. School even gave her a second chance.

Oh dear. I’m glad her dad has some sense.

Have to be honest, if this was my DD she wouldn't have even been banned by the school, I'd have pulled the plug on the trip myself!

I honestly can't see how you can possibly think they are being heavy handed. She's had multiple chances.

Would you like to be responsible for a teenager who ignores simple instructions and walks off from the group in a foreign country... No I thought not so why are you expecting her teachers to?

She doesn’t follow instructions, is rude to staff and walks off in the middle of a city meaning staff have to run after her. Of course they can’t take her to NYC, I’m amazed you think they should.

Irrespective of why she ran off and whose to blame, your daughter has shown she can't be trusted to follow the instructions of teachers in an external setting.

Pupils absconding when you're on a school trip is monumentally stressful for teachers. I wouldn't be surprised if the ones supervising the NYC trip have escalated this and made clear they aren't going if your daughter is.