Big row with DH over my weight

[Prickleitch]

Hi

last night I had a huge argument with DH about my weight loss. To give you some context, I am 5‘8“ tall and five months ago I was over 16 stone. I’ve always been quite a curvy girl and when I met DH I was probably around 12 stone so not slim but not massive either. having children and getting a bit older saw me put the pounds on and I decided last year that I had to do something about. Obviously some of this was vanity driven but also my blood pressure was a bit high and I didn’t want to just keep getting bigger. I have been taking Mounjaro which I have paid for privately and when I got on the scales two days ago for my most recent weighin I weighed 10 stone and 12 lb. This is the latest I’ve been in my adult life and I feel happy with this weight.

last night, DH made a comment about me looking too thin. He kept on about it so I asked him if he still found me attractive. He said that he didn’t find me unattractive but that he definitely thought I was sexier when I had a bit more weight on me. He then made a comment about how he thinks the weight loss has made me look a bit older. They sent me into a rage. Whilst we all have our personal preferences but he seems to be forgetting that I was 16 stone with high blood pressure.

It was at this point that all hell broke loose and I said some pretty nasty things to DH. I’m not proud to admit this but after the comments to me I screamed back at him “well I would like a husband with a 10 inch cock but here I am getting on with things with your chode”

he thinks I’ve crossed a line. AIBU to feel that his comments to me were unfair ?

I have to agree.

Exactly - one thing is a sudden quite big change and very different to the woman he’s been in a relationship with this whole time. She insulted something he cannot ever change and the way he has been for the entirety of their relationship.

Imagine she had a breast enlargement and he said actually, I preferred them natural or they’re too big.

Realistically a lot of people are taking their weight loss to some extremes and it is very hard to say to someone look, you actually might have taken this a few pounds too far. He wasn’t demonising her entire weight loss. He said she looked better with a bit more weight than she has now.

Hopefully he kicks you to the curb and goes and finds someone better.

A little under eleven stone at 5ft 8in is not going too far with weight loss. People have lost sight of what a healthy weight is.

A short chubby one... never heard the word used in an actual conversation

So many Mumsnet posters seem to think slagging off a guy's dick size is the epitome of wit. It's not. It's just cringe.

I lost a lot of weight anout 4 years ago and I actually agree with your DH, losing weight can make you look older and from 30yo, whenever I’ve lost weight, I’ve noticed I look older.

I would just apologise and move on.

At slimming world they warned us that the gauntness of the face was temporary and things would even up after a few months. My hairdresser agreed. She looks at a lot of faces.

I agree. You are not allowed to say that on here; all the people who bang on about how awful fat looks think it's mean to say gaunt isn't exactly a glowing beauty look.

It is quite possible he really felt you were looking as though it was time to stop the loss as you were losing bloom and just not looking healthy.
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You could change and reverse that. He can't do anything about what you said, and therein lies the difference imo. You were both unpleasant but you went much further.

Don't be absurd. OP is nearly eleven stone at five eight. That is still borderline overweight! I'm not saying that to be mean to the OP or say she needs to lose more, as BMI range is quite wide. If she weighed eight stone you might have a point. As it is, she is perfectly healthy and I'm sure doesn't look like a cancer sufferer.

Eleven stone at five eight is not 'gaunt'. Also, being obese is terrible for your health, even if it was beautiful (which it isn't!)

Absolutely. The 'body positive' movement has a lot to answer for. Too many people who weigh eighteen stone saying that they are 'curvy' and that anyone under a size 22 over the age of 35 is a shrivelled up old prune. Absurd and misogynist thinking.

Omg I can't believe people think it's OK thst he volunteered, without being asked, that you looked thin anything.

Why would he say that to a woman of a healthy weight??

Suspect what he's really needling at is that ita not his preference, either because he like how you looked before more or he he's the sort to think "other men" will look at you or you'll cheat.

What a pig.

😁

Agreed with this.

Well done for losing weight.

High blood pressure can cause strokes etc so you are totally right to address it.

I'm guessing your dh doesn't have a perfect body.

I certainly do not have a great body and I wish mountjarro had caused weight loss for me. I take it for diabetes and it does help with blood sugar.

Anyway, i think your husband is pretty and rude.

You shouldn't have said that obviously but I really sympathise. I'd probably have said something just as mean so that he too could share in the pain of having your body criticised. .
He absolutely did not need to tell you he found you less sexy now. What an awful thing to say. You might have used cruder language but it amounts to the same thing doesn't it?
He deserved that remarkable frankly
Yes its immature but I understand. Why does he get to hurt you and make you feel insecure without any pushback?
Now you both feel insecure.
Hopefully he will think on.

I’m quite surprised by the responses. I think he was unnecessarily unkind. All he should have said was that he likes it when you are a bit curvier. Is he jealous of your weight loss? We all get older and I think men are conditioned to think that they remain just as attractive as they get older whereas women are told that we become less as we age. As far as I’m concerned he asked for it. If he was unkind, he deserved the kick back. If you are happier and healthier, he should be supportive.

Hahahahaha fucking idiot. 10st 12lb at 5’8” isn’t a low enough weight for someone to be saying that you’ve gone too far. They think they can comment on our appearance but we can’t say anything about theirs because they’re so sensitive. Mine comments on women that have short hair (negatively) you know in a ‘keep your long hair’ kind of way and it occurred to me last time that he is fucking bald! He wasn’t fucking bald when I met him!!!! The audacity!

To be honest I would likely have said something hurtful to someone if they told me I was too thin, no longer as attractive and looked old - it is self defence/preservation. That was incredibly hurtful of him to say - you do wonder if there is an element of trying to make you feel small because he is worried you might leave him for someone else?

None of us are perfect and imo he decided to put your body under a microscope and point out what is wrong with it so you were completely justified in doing the same. People who say he has no control over that particular part of his body and it is therefore cruel please consider this - we have no control over aging, we are all going to look old some day and I would say most people over 35 feels a little nervous and insecure about it.

Personally I would be rethinking a relationship with someone that put me down for getting healthier. Congrats on the weight loss, don't listen to anyone saying you should not have retaliated.

Yes you crossed the line and yes he is right some people look older and frail.

You can see it with celebrities who have used it lose a lot of weight drastically eg Randy Jackson own of the Americans Idol presenters or even Simon Cowell after he lost a lot of weight, tbf botched surgery seems to play a part of Simon's situation.

Anyway it seems his comment was due to concern and you pushed to ask if he found you attractive and you got upset because you didn't like the answer.

“Having children and getting older saw me put the pounds on”

No, eating excess food put the pounds on. “Weight loss injections” stop you wanting to shovel food in.

Mounjaro and the like are notorious for causing fat loss on the face. It’s called Ozempic face.

Anyway, you were both mean. Our husband gave you an unwanted opinion on your face and exposed himself as shallow (as most men are). You’ve then insulted his penis. You’ll both have to get over it and move on.

Could you have offered your opinion without the snide comment? 🤦‍♀️

Maybe he like OP curvy; and maybe he like her curvy and a bit self-conscious so she feels grateful he's with her. 🤔
His comment was intended to undermine her self-esteem.
Her comment? Well, glass houses.

Your new weight is hardly waif-like. Yes, he might like your previous "curves" but surely his wife being healthy is more important. I mean having curves is hardly a comfort if you can't feed yourself after having a stroke or heart attack. Yes, you probably do look a bit older as fat is no longer filling up the creases. I do look older than I once was but my husband doesn't kick back and say, "Scarlet, I really preferred you when you were 35 with a better jawline". I am not surprised you snapped back - if he dishes it out he can take it.