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Original poster

Would you insist adult DC eats with you on Boxing Day?

240 replies

FunnysInLaJardin · 23/12/2025 12:32

DS1 is 20 and back from uni for the holidays.

He has a GF and of course is spending lots of time with her at the moment.

He told us yesterday that he would be spending Boxing Day with her which is fine, although I am disappointed that he may not be back for the special dinner that we always cook on Boxing Day.

I'm really torn between letting him get on with it and it being his choice whether he is home for dinner, or whether I should say that we would like him to be home for dinner.

I don't want to dictate what he does with his time, but would really like him to spend it with us, and I know his brother and Dad would like him to be there too.

I could ask her to come to dinner too, but she is away the next day and the indication is that she wouldn't be able to.

Sigh! I thought this would get easier as they got older...

OP posts:
Only2daystogo · 23/12/2025 12:33

No you can’t insist. Have you extended an invite to GF at all over Christmas?

TheNightingalesStarling · 23/12/2025 12:33

Invite his girlfriend?

CandiedPrincess · 23/12/2025 12:34

No, he's an adult, he gets to choose how he spends his time.

rubyslippers · 23/12/2025 12:34

You can’t insist
you should ask them both and see what they say

NCTDN · 23/12/2025 12:34

Is he with you for Christmas Day ?

Hercisback1 · 23/12/2025 12:35

Tough one, is he with you Christmas day too?

I think I'd let him know they're both welcome and leave it there.

Daisy4569 · 23/12/2025 12:36

I think it’s fine to say you’ll all miss him on Boxing Day at the meal and she’d be welcome too if they could manage it but understand if not. I wouldn’t apply pressure but nothing wrong with mentioning it without being overly emotional about it or making him feel guilty for his choices

Keroppi · 23/12/2025 12:37

Is he with you for xmas dinner? If so then no. You can say she's welcome round for dinner and you'd love to see them both if they have the time but if they have other plans you'll catch up soon in the new year blah blah

MrsSkylerWhite · 23/12/2025 12:38

Will you seem him on Christmas Day?

JulietSierra · 23/12/2025 12:38

Of course you can’t insist. You need to let him make his own decisions. I’m finding it really hard to let go as my two get older but I’m doing it! You can’t tell a grown man that he needs to eat with you!

WeeAgnes · 23/12/2025 12:38

I could ask her to come to dinner too, but she is away the next day and the indication is that she wouldn't be able to.

Just ask. It's up to her to decide whether she can make it or not.

LittleJustice · 23/12/2025 12:38

Just invite them both. And see what they say.

It's really not the end of the world.

Fearfulsaints · 23/12/2025 12:39

Where is he Christmas day? If he is with you, I feel differently that if he was elsewhere.

Although you cant insist anythin eitherway. Only express a strong desire to be together.

RudolphTheReindeer · 23/12/2025 12:40

He's an adult you can't insist anything. Is he with you for Xmas day?

Arlanymor · 23/12/2025 12:41

You can't insist that an adult does anything - that is controlling. Presumably there are other opportunities for him to spend time with you over the Christmas period? You could try inviting them both, but you seem to have talked yourself out of that already - is it because you want to see him on his own?

Forty85 · 23/12/2025 12:42

No you can't, he's an adult and things change as they get older and have their own life.

EddyNeddy · 23/12/2025 12:43

Of course you can’t ’insist.’ He’s 20. If he’s spending Christmas Day with you, it’s entirely natural that he’d want to spend Boxing Day with his girlfriend.

Qwerty21 · 23/12/2025 12:44

You're joking right. How do you insist an adult does anything?! You can ask him if he can be home for dinner, and invite his gf
. But don't be surprised when he declines, just the thought that you could insist he eat with you tells me all I need to know about the type of parent you are

averylongtimeago · 23/12/2025 12:44

He’s 20. You can’t insist he attends. You can ask- but you need to ask them both.

She could be your future Dil - do you want to sour your relationship with her at this stage?
Invite them both, if they have other plans, fair enough, say you hope they enjoy the day. Do not try to guilt trip or persuade your DS, it will backfire in the long term.

It is difficult as your adult kids grow up and find their own way, but you have to let them. Speaking as a DM and Mil.

Coconutter24 · 23/12/2025 12:46

He’s an adult, you can’t insist anything. You can invite him and invite his GF but other than that you can’t force him to attend a dinner

Sanasaaa · 23/12/2025 12:47

How would you say it? 'No. I insist you have dinner at my house.'
Doesn't seem like that would be well received.

redskydelight · 23/12/2025 12:47

How exactly are you planning to "insist"? Tie him to the table?

If you do try to guilt trip him, this is a sure fire way to ensure that next year he might not bother to come and see you at all.

Sounds like he's with you for at least a few days, so missing one of them really doesn't matter.

Chewbecca · 23/12/2025 12:52

Of course you can't. You can invite him to any meal, and his GF but no insisting or guilt tripping that you don't like their choices.

shesaysshestiredoflifeshemustbetiredofsomething · 23/12/2025 12:53

Echoing everyone... You can't insist. You can invite.

Dliplop · 23/12/2025 12:56

Instead of saying him, switch it to you
”I'm really torn between letting him get on with it and it being his choice whether he is home for dinner, or whether I should say that we would like him to be home for dinner.” and add a “but I know you’re old enough to choose and it’s just a me thing. We’d love it if you bring gf and we won’t hold it against you if you go off and do young people things”

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