Would you insist adult DC eats with you on Boxing Day?

[FunnysInLaJardin]

DS1 is 20 and back from uni for the holidays.

He has a GF and of course is spending lots of time with her at the moment.

He told us yesterday that he would be spending Boxing Day with her which is fine, although I am disappointed that he may not be back for the special dinner that we always cook on Boxing Day.

I'm really torn between letting him get on with it and it being his choice whether he is home for dinner, or whether I should say that we would like him to be home for dinner.

I don't want to dictate what he does with his time, but would really like him to spend it with us, and I know his brother and Dad would like him to be there too.

I could ask her to come to dinner too, but she is away the next day and the indication is that she wouldn't be able to.

Sigh! I thought this would get easier as they got older...

He's already told you what he's doing

One of the most important things is to have a flexible mindset, the special meal ( isn't that Christmas dinner?) can be a different day, son respected, issue solved

My mum would have had the water works at flood level by now, it always made me more determined to not see her.
Ask the gf but accept he will always be your son but he's an adult now.
Please don't become that future mil who gets emotional /rants/ expects and guilt trips about family get togethers. It will end in tears [probably yours] for the wrong reasons, especially when he settles down and potential gc are on the scene.

It's a glorified roast eaten while wearing paper cracker hats isn't it? I honestly don't know what the difference is otherwise, having said that I don't celebrate christmas so may be totally wrong.🤔

Yeah, I'd also like to know this, and what's too busy on CD? Just being nosy

Was just thinking this. He's 20 years old ffs and wants to have a night with his girlfriend before she goes away. Boxing night is traditionally a clubbing or get pissed with your mates night. He's young, let him go out. Why would you insist on yet another family meal straight after Xmas day!!

So he’s spending Xmas Eve and Xmas day with you yet you’re trying to stop him going to his girlfriends on boxing day?

YABU and very controlling.

Hes 20 not 12.

If you continue life with this attitude you’ll find that you’re the set of parents him and his future partner avoid.

There’s too many people who m here expect Jon others to fall into line with the plans they create in their head. Yabu.

You have reared an adult who has successfully made it out of the nest and found a partner. Well done. Part of watching him fly is sitting back with a smile on your face and letting him get on with it and being welcoming without compromise if he decides to come back. And to his partner and friends too. If he is spending Christmas Day with you that’s great. If he’s not that’s great. Crack on and enjoy yourself.

our DS spends Christmas Day with us and Boxing Day with his girlfriend's family.
She will be with us for Christmas Eve lunch.
This keeps everybody happy...at least in our house.
When DC start having their own lives, they will start at their own Christmas traditions. Always best not to have it alll set in stone.

😁smoked salmon and blinis, prawn hand rolls, cheese and crackers and mousse au chocolat!

You can’t insist, but I would definitely say no pressure but you’d love it if he was home for dinner and of course gf is welcome too (sounds like you’re just assuming she wouldn’t come rather than actually knowing).

And what's 'too busy' on CD?

He’s 20… you can’t insist anything,

I think this is unreasonable of you because it means you have two days (Christmas Day and Boxing Day) that you think are special and for the family and shouldn’t be missed. But obviously as your children grow they will want to spend time with partners, and then in-laws. You’ll need to drop wanting them for two special days.

I think it's fair that he splits his time between you and his GF.

On the other hand I can't see why you have so much to do on Xmas day because that's the day most people have their xmas lunch (unless you're working of course.)

If you're visiting other people on Xmas day which means you're too busy to cook ,why not break with that 'tradition' and have Xmas dinner on the 25th?

So have you not invited the GF around at all over Christmas?

If he's with you either Christmas Eve or Christmas Day, I wouldn't consider it unreasonable for him to go elsewhere for Boxing Day - he's an adult making his own way in life, which I'd want to encourage. DD came back home after finishing uni, have to admit I'd have been a bit disappointed if she'd gone somewhere else for Xmas Day, but was happy if she wanted to be with her friends.

She does actually have a friend, who comes home from uni and always spends Xmas Day evening with us (except last year when DD was away for Xmas). I'm not sure what her parents think, but I guess they accept it as they've never commented to her or us when we've bumped into them.

My youngest is still a teenager. We'll be lucky if he even makes it downstairs over Christmas.

No of course you can’t! I too have sons in their early 20s with gf’s and I wouldn’t dream of ‘insisting’. I’m disappointed I’m not going to see much of the older one over Christmas and my younger will probably sleep till 4pm but what can you do🤷‍♀️ Insisting would only backfire on you.

You're being ridiculous OP.

All those saying just have the roast on Christmas Day instead, maybe Op doesn’t want to cook on Christmas Day! And that’s fine! If he wants to come for roast on Boxing Day, fine, if he doesn’t want to and has other plans, also fine. It really isn’t that simple. OP doesn’t need to cook on Christmas Day if she doesn’t want to.

Depends how you say it, OP. 'We'd love it you and GF can join us, but if not please let me know tomorrow morning latest so I cook the right amount' is not too guilt trippy.

I'd poss say, I know you have plans made for the 26th but if you both want to pop in we would love to see you before g/f heads off on the 27th. No pressure at all, just know your both welcome. And what about NYD if that's not possible. Keep it open and flexible and they wont start resenting visits or avoiding them

Invite him (and gf) for Boxing Day meal, and leave it up to him.

YABU because you say he’ll be with you on 24th, 25th and 27th. That’s loads!