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Original poster

Would you insist adult DC eats with you on Boxing Day?

240 replies

FunnysInLaJardin · 23/12/2025 12:32

DS1 is 20 and back from uni for the holidays.

He has a GF and of course is spending lots of time with her at the moment.

He told us yesterday that he would be spending Boxing Day with her which is fine, although I am disappointed that he may not be back for the special dinner that we always cook on Boxing Day.

I'm really torn between letting him get on with it and it being his choice whether he is home for dinner, or whether I should say that we would like him to be home for dinner.

I don't want to dictate what he does with his time, but would really like him to spend it with us, and I know his brother and Dad would like him to be there too.

I could ask her to come to dinner too, but she is away the next day and the indication is that she wouldn't be able to.

Sigh! I thought this would get easier as they got older...

OP posts:
Danceparty55 · 23/12/2025 15:30

You can’t insist. You could and should invite GF to come over the Christmas period. At that age my BF and I spent most of that period together at one or other of our families.

Mum2Fergus · 23/12/2025 15:30

Absolutely not. Key word is in your title… adult! I.e. allowed to make their own decisions.

Horses7 · 23/12/2025 15:31

TheNightingalesStarling · 23/12/2025 12:33

Invite his girlfriend?

This

Iwantsandybeachesandgoodfood · 23/12/2025 15:41

I think you’re expecting too much @FunnysInLaJardin. I have an adult DD and she and her partner alternate between Christmas and New Year’s Day with each family. On the years I don’t see her for Christmas dinner she’ll pop in for a couple of hours in the morning. Of course I miss her when she’s not here but I love that she now has another family who adore her and she gets to celebrate with. I think the key is to take the pressure off; no one wants to do anything that feels forced. Enjoy the time you do get.

DeftGoldHedgehog · 23/12/2025 15:42

FunnysInLaJardin · 23/12/2025 14:49

😁smoked salmon and blinis, prawn hand rolls, cheese and crackers and mousse au chocolat!

Show quote history

Ah, that sounds amazing. Can I come instead?

Puppyyikes · 23/12/2025 15:48

I don’t understand this type of thing at all. You’d prefer he does something he doesn’t want to because he feels guilty? Why??

let him spend his time the way he wants.

ilovesushi · 23/12/2025 16:00

Are you having a special meal everyday? Boxing day is surely more low key than Christmas day or Christmas Eve? You will have literally just had a family day together. Unless you have additional family over for Boxing Day you are being unreasonable.

Maddy70 · 23/12/2025 16:06

You invite them both with no pressure attached. He's an adult and it's just boxing day

godmum56 · 23/12/2025 16:13

once again how will you "make" him do what you want?

BauhausOfEliott · 23/12/2025 16:19

Given that your son is likely to be with you and your family on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, I think it's completely reasonable and understandable that he'd like to have Boxing Day with his girlfriend and her family.

I see from your updates that you're not intending to guilt-trip him or make a big deal out of this, which is good - definitely the right decision on your part :) I think you need to remember that yes, while you would like your son to be with you on Boxing Day, his girlfriend's parents might also like their daughter to be with them on Boxing Day too. Your son and his girlfriend are an adult couple and you will need to get used to compromising about this sort of thing, as they're naturally going to want to do things together and her family are just as important as yours. New traditions will evolve over time so try not to get too hung up on everything needing to be the way you've always done it.

2026isgoingtobebetter · 23/12/2025 16:20

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Optimist2020 · 23/12/2025 16:26

Your going to be a difficult mil !

Isit2026yet · 23/12/2025 16:30

He’s 20. Did your parents dictate to you at 20?

CoralOP · 23/12/2025 16:39

These kind of treats really baffle me, the thought of someone insisting anything from me once I turned 18 was hilarious. At 20 I had bought my own house, had a career, car, spent my weekends doing my grocery shopping and mowing the lawn.

He could literally turn around and say to you 'well I expect you to come to the pub with me all day' and that would be exactly the same. One adult expecting something from another adult.

Noshadelamp · 23/12/2025 16:42

He's an adult, of course you can't insist!

Life changes as our DCs grow up. It's ok. To feel disappointed but that's not your ds's responsibility.
Don't be that parent that tries to make your DC feel guilty for not performing the way you want.

MissDoubleU · 23/12/2025 16:44

FunnysInLaJardin · 23/12/2025 14:11

Boxing Day is the day we do the big roast as its too busy on CD.

I think we will move it to the 27th, much better all round

Show quote history

Right then wouldn’t it make more sense for your DS to spend Christmas Day with his GF’s family seen as your special day/meal is Boxing Day? You don’t get to commandeer the whole festive period. If you aren’t doing your Christmas roast until the day after Boxing Day (bit weird but ok) then why dos he have to stick around all of Christmas Day?

TheLemonLemur · 23/12/2025 16:53

You can insist all you want I am intetested how you are going to force a 20yo to come home and why you would want him there against his will...

KiwiFall · 23/12/2025 16:58

I have children around the same age. Both back from uni. One has a GF. Although both kids are here for Christmas Day I don’t expect any other days. They would be a bonus. I’ve also said GF is welcome anytime to stay (meals/overnight). I want them to come home and visit because they want to not out of guilt or duty.

DemonsandMosquitoes · 23/12/2025 17:03

I have 23 and 20 year old sons with GF. As long as they’d spent Xmas day with us then I’d let it go. Nothing else you can do anyway. As they grow up this sort of thing is inevitable.

MorningActivity · 23/12/2025 17:23

I’d look at it as if they were married (yes I know there’s a lot of time before it ever happens !).
Would you insist he spends Boxing Day with ‘his’ family rather than with her? Nope? Then you can’t ask him either.

Even if it’s not as serious as a marriage, it’s an important relationship FOR HIM.
Treat it with the same respect. It will only strengthen your relationship with him.

DemelzaandRoss · 23/12/2025 17:39

No of course you cannot insist he stays at home on Boxing Day!
He is a grown up person forging his own life.
When you have sons it is very common for them to spend more time with their partner’s family anyway.
It’s not possible to keep them little boys forever & please don’t be that annoying MIL so often mentioned here!

Anonanonay · 23/12/2025 17:39

CandiedPrincess · 23/12/2025 12:34

No, he's an adult, he gets to choose how he spends his time.

Then he should be an adult and show some respect for the people bank rolling him and hosting his Xmas.

TonTonMacoute · 23/12/2025 17:40

As they grow up you have to start letting things go, even long-standing family traditions.

PoppySaidYesIKnow · 23/12/2025 17:40

Just ask him what his and his girlfriends’s plans are for Boxing Day, so you know if they are coming or not. You shouldn’t expect him and you shouldn’t express disappointment (outwardly) if he won’t be there. He’s starting to live his own life now. Presumably he’s there for Christmas Day.

Numberblocky · 23/12/2025 17:43

You have too many special days which are compulsory family time I think. For most families, I think it is just Christmas day, maybe Christmas eve too.

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