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Original poster

Would you insist adult DC eats with you on Boxing Day?

240 replies

FunnysInLaJardin · 23/12/2025 12:32

DS1 is 20 and back from uni for the holidays.

He has a GF and of course is spending lots of time with her at the moment.

He told us yesterday that he would be spending Boxing Day with her which is fine, although I am disappointed that he may not be back for the special dinner that we always cook on Boxing Day.

I'm really torn between letting him get on with it and it being his choice whether he is home for dinner, or whether I should say that we would like him to be home for dinner.

I don't want to dictate what he does with his time, but would really like him to spend it with us, and I know his brother and Dad would like him to be there too.

I could ask her to come to dinner too, but she is away the next day and the indication is that she wouldn't be able to.

Sigh! I thought this would get easier as they got older...

OP posts:
Original poster
FunnysInLaJardin · 23/12/2025 13:42

Thanks all, and good suggestion to move the dinner to the 27th.

He will be with us on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, I think.

I think I will just say they are both welcome to join us on Boxing Day and say no more on the subject!

OP posts:
EmbroideredGardener · 23/12/2025 13:42

An't you just say 'if you'd both like to come around for boxing day then we'd love to see you, but we understand if that doesnt work for you' then youre not pressuring him but opening up the invitation to both of them to be there

mugglewump · 23/12/2025 13:42

Why don't you move the special meal to the Saturday?

NiceCupOfChai · 23/12/2025 13:42

“That’s fine, you and GF are welcome here
for Boxing Day dinner, let me know by xx if you can make it”

EmbroideredGardener · 23/12/2025 13:43

An't you just say 'if you'd both like to come around for boxing day then we'd love to see you, but we understand if that doesnt work for you' then youre not pressuring him but opening up the invitation to both of them to be there

5128gap · 23/12/2025 13:44

I'd say "Any chance you and GF can eat with us Boxing Day? No worries if you have plans or prefer not, but we'd like you to be there if you fancy it" That way you've made their welcome crystal clear without putting pressure on.

MissDoubleU · 23/12/2025 13:45

Depends how welcome you’ve made his GF feel to this family Boxing Day affair. I think you can make it clear that the invitation was to them both.. but if he’s with you all Christmas Day then it’s understandable he wants to see her on Boxing Day.

You don’t get to insist on two special tradition meals and he’s already giving you the important one.

Laura95167 · 23/12/2025 13:45

FunnysInLaJardin · 23/12/2025 12:32

DS1 is 20 and back from uni for the holidays.

He has a GF and of course is spending lots of time with her at the moment.

He told us yesterday that he would be spending Boxing Day with her which is fine, although I am disappointed that he may not be back for the special dinner that we always cook on Boxing Day.

I'm really torn between letting him get on with it and it being his choice whether he is home for dinner, or whether I should say that we would like him to be home for dinner.

I don't want to dictate what he does with his time, but would really like him to spend it with us, and I know his brother and Dad would like him to be there too.

I could ask her to come to dinner too, but she is away the next day and the indication is that she wouldn't be able to.

Sigh! I thought this would get easier as they got older...

Hes an adult of course you cant insist.

Best you could do is invite her for the boxing day meal and hope they both come

FrenchandSaunders · 23/12/2025 13:46

As much as most of us would love to have our young adult kids around us over Christmas/NY .... they really shouldn't feel any obligation or duty to do this. I try really hard not to be that mum/in law.

QuietLifeNoDrama · 23/12/2025 13:47

You shouldn’t be insisting another adult do anything. You’re allowed to miss your son and ask to spend time with him but it’s not your place to tell him what to do. He’s starting a life of his own, there maybe some years that you don’t see him for Christmas at all.

Blondeshavemorefun · 23/12/2025 13:47

FunnysInLaJardin · 23/12/2025 13:42

Thanks all, and good suggestion to move the dinner to the 27th.

He will be with us on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, I think.

I think I will just say they are both welcome to join us on Boxing Day and say no more on the subject!

See is with you on the 24th and the 25th I don’t think you can ask him to come for a meal on the 26th as well. What’s wrong with a nice meal on the 25th?

CandiedPrincess · 23/12/2025 13:49

Good god, if he's with you Christmas Eve and Christmas Day why do you need more? Cut the apron strings, this sounds suffocating.

NoTouch · 23/12/2025 13:51

It is difficult when they have been seeing their gf/bf for a while and they also have their own family Christmas traditions.

You need to let them work out how to split it, as it will be difficult for them too how to spend time with each of their families and see each other too.

ds(21) is going to his gf family for a Christmas eve thing they do - we never made a fuss on Christmas eve, just snuggled in and watched a movie with some snacks, but it will be strange him not being here - as it was just a movie with us he doesn't see it as a proper Christmas Eve "thing".

Then ds is working Christmas day so we will only see him for a couple of hours morning and evening. We had that last year too, not ideal, but decided to move Christmas to boxing day this year instead.

We are having Christmas dinner on Boxing day with ds and some other family. His gf was invited but she, understandably, can't make it as it is the only day she can see a family member who was widowed recently.

I feel him choosing to be at gf on Christmas eve when we wont see much of him Christmas day is a bigger change to get used than him working Christmas Day. Perhaps because Christmas Day he doesn't really have a choice due to his job. But I know it is a me problem, not a ds and certainly not a gf problem, it is lovely her family has invited him - it is just a poignant reminder he is grown up now.

familyissues12345 · 23/12/2025 13:55

I agree with other posters, I would invite both, say you’d love to see them, but understand if they can’t.

I’ve got a 22 yo, also back from Uni, he’s working Christmas Eve then will be with us for the day on Christmas Day. Then he’ll go to his long term girlfriends for CD night. Then Boxing Day they are both coming to see DH’s side of the family.

I’m fully expecting that this may be the last Christmas we have with DS living at home as he and his gf intend to move in together

SirChenjins · 23/12/2025 14:01

If he's eating with you on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day then of course not! He's perfectly justified in wanting to spend BD with his girlfriend.

mrslimpet · 23/12/2025 14:02

I’m interested to know why anyone would want to make someone ( they love ) do something they obviously don’t want to do.

FarmGirl78 · 23/12/2025 14:03

Bloody hell. He's spending Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with you, and you're put out he's not champing at the bit to also spend Boxing Day with you too? He just wants one day where it's just him and his girlfriend. You don't know how good you have it that he's spending 2 days with you at that age when he's got a girlfriend. i would be pushing him out of the door (despite wanting him there) and encouraging him to do what he wants rather than spend it with his parents.

diddl · 23/12/2025 14:03

What is so special/different about the BD meal compared to CE/CD?

Whosthetabbynow · 23/12/2025 14:06

It’s hard but don’t make demands on his time. He’ll show you more respect if you let him organise his own life

Clearinguptheclutter · 23/12/2025 14:07

Make sure they are both welcome or if she is away invite ds on the 27th

but if he is with you Christmas Eve and day then I think that’s pretty good going

Whatsthatsheila · 23/12/2025 14:09

Seeing as she’s going away on the 27th they’ll probably be wanting some alone time 🤪

i would extend the invite to both of them for the 26th if they can make it but you understand if they made plans (🤭)

If DS does decline you could ask him if he’s free the 27th instead so he doesn’t miss out. It’s a compromise that works and doesn’t give the guilt trip vibes you don’t wish to give off @FunnysInLaJardin

Original poster
FunnysInLaJardin · 23/12/2025 14:11

diddl · 23/12/2025 14:03

What is so special/different about the BD meal compared to CE/CD?

Boxing Day is the day we do the big roast as its too busy on CD.

I think we will move it to the 27th, much better all round

OP posts:
Happyjoe · 23/12/2025 14:12

Sorry, even though it's really hard, a good parent allows their adult children to be adults. He will respect you for it too.

Iloveshihtzus · 23/12/2025 14:15

FunnysInLaJardin · 23/12/2025 14:11

Boxing Day is the day we do the big roast as its too busy on CD.

I think we will move it to the 27th, much better all round

Show quote history

Not the point, but what do
you eat on Christmas Day???

viques · 23/12/2025 14:17

Invite her. If she says yes problem solved. if she says no then you accept that adults have the right to refuse invitations, make their own arrangements, choose to eat where they want to, have autonomy over their own lives.

if you rightly bring up your children to be confident human beings with the ability to go out into the world as contributing hard working responsible adults then you have to accept that they can make good decisions based on their own needs and choices.

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