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Original poster

Would you insist adult DC eats with you on Boxing Day?

240 replies

FunnysInLaJardin · 23/12/2025 12:32

DS1 is 20 and back from uni for the holidays.

He has a GF and of course is spending lots of time with her at the moment.

He told us yesterday that he would be spending Boxing Day with her which is fine, although I am disappointed that he may not be back for the special dinner that we always cook on Boxing Day.

I'm really torn between letting him get on with it and it being his choice whether he is home for dinner, or whether I should say that we would like him to be home for dinner.

I don't want to dictate what he does with his time, but would really like him to spend it with us, and I know his brother and Dad would like him to be there too.

I could ask her to come to dinner too, but she is away the next day and the indication is that she wouldn't be able to.

Sigh! I thought this would get easier as they got older...

OP posts:
TheMorgenmuffel · 23/12/2025 17:45

I dont think i could dictate to an adult what they do, no.

Iloveyoubut · 23/12/2025 17:52

No. My adult children can happily and free from guilt skip odf and do what they like because I love them and I’m not a dictator and I know that things aren’t just about me

LadyKedleston · 23/12/2025 17:53

If you are that controlling with your adult children they may decide to have Christmas elsewhere next year...

PeachySmile2 · 23/12/2025 17:56

What’s with all these threads written by controlling parent who want their adult children to abide by their requirements over the Christmas period? Your child is an adult, leave him alone to make his own decisions. You cannot ‘insist’ anything. Awful.

LivingDeadGirlUK · 23/12/2025 18:00

ShesTheAlbatross · 23/12/2025 14:56

I think this is unreasonable of you because it means you have two days (Christmas Day and Boxing Day) that you think are special and for the family and shouldn’t be missed. But obviously as your children grow they will want to spend time with partners, and then in-laws. You’ll need to drop wanting them for two special days.

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Yeah I agree with this, you have him Christmas eve and Christmas day, but also are disappointed he won't be there boxing day, so you are moving the roast to the 27th but you haven't actually asked him if he is free that day? or does he still live at home?

herbalteabag · 23/12/2025 18:07

You can't insist, it's up to him what he does. Of course he wants to see his . girlfriend. I'm not sure why it's so hard to have a normal conversation about it - just ask them both to come and leave it up to them if they do or not.
Life changes as children get older - there could be times in the future when he doesn't even spend Christmas Day with you every year.

Endofyear · 23/12/2025 18:18

No I wouldn't insist. He's an adult and can do what he wants, which is to spend time with his GF before she goes away.

My adult children know that they are always welcome but I also realise that they have their own lives to lead. I never want them to spend time with me if it feels like an obligation.

BauhausOfEliott · 23/12/2025 18:20

Anonanonay · 23/12/2025 17:39

Then he should be an adult and show some respect for the people bank rolling him and hosting his Xmas.

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This response is mad.

Blondeshavemorefun · 23/12/2025 18:24

How can you be too busy on 25 for lunch when have family there

Bumcake · 23/12/2025 18:36

FunnysInLaJardin · 23/12/2025 14:49

😁smoked salmon and blinis, prawn hand rolls, cheese and crackers and mousse au chocolat!

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Prawns don’t have hands?

Fuckoffeasypeelers · 23/12/2025 18:41

Bumcake · 23/12/2025 18:36

Prawns don’t have hands?

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I think Op meant sushi Grin

Jaysus I would be absolutely gutted if I turned up and got nibbles on Christmas day

Truetoself · 23/12/2025 18:54

He is an adult but not yet an independent one ……. It’s more disappointing to think he doesn’t want to have dinner on Boxing Day with you. However if his GF is going away the next day, I can understand he wanys to maximise time with her too

blankcanvas3 · 23/12/2025 18:58

DS and his GF are with us on Christmas day and then her family on boxing day. As far as I’m concerned, as long as he’s with us either eve, day or boxing I dont mind!

Owlmoonstar · 23/12/2025 19:00

Fearfulsaints · 23/12/2025 12:39

Where is he Christmas day? If he is with you, I feel differently that if he was elsewhere.

Although you cant insist anythin eitherway. Only express a strong desire to be together.

I feel like openly expressing a strong desire for him to be there is a form of emotional manipulation.

Sakura7 · 23/12/2025 19:13

Truetoself · 23/12/2025 18:54

He is an adult but not yet an independent one ……. It’s more disappointing to think he doesn’t want to have dinner on Boxing Day with you. However if his GF is going away the next day, I can understand he wanys to maximise time with her too

How is it disappointing when he's there on the 24th, 25th and 27th? Why on earth shouldn't he see his GF on the 26th?

Some of these comments are batshit. These kinds of expectations are smothering and will only drive DC away as they get older.

Livingthebestlife · 23/12/2025 19:21

If you're doing your Christmas dinner boxing day then I'd invite the gf and that way everyone gets a feed and celebrate together, then Christmas day if you're doing canapes then maybe he could go to gf house if that's an option and have Christmas dinner there with her and her family.

MrsSkylerWhite · 23/12/2025 19:21

He’s with you on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day?!
Blimey , I’d so love that. For the first time ever we don’t have our adult kids with us until 28th. Our youngest has to work on CE and BD, we live hundreds of miles away. Our eldest wants to be home with her family on Christmas morning for all of the Santa excitement. Which is exactly as it should be.

We’re embracing it! Will we miss them? Yes, of course. Are we proud that they’re adults living their lives? Yes, of course.

Will we also love a long lie in with all that may possibly entail for the first time of just us in 30 years plus no cooking a Christmas dinner?

Hell, yeah.

paddleboardingmum · 23/12/2025 19:36

What's stopping you moving the traditional Christmas roast to the 25th? otherwise if you're having it on the 26th just ask do you want to bring gf, or for me to save you any roast ? If not just crack on without him.

Fuckoffeasypeelers · 23/12/2025 19:42

paddleboardingmum · 23/12/2025 19:36

What's stopping you moving the traditional Christmas roast to the 25th? otherwise if you're having it on the 26th just ask do you want to bring gf, or for me to save you any roast ? If not just crack on without him.

This
Its bizarre how inflexible people are
Just do a normal Christmas dinner when he will be there

FlockofSquirrels · 23/12/2025 19:50

Nope. Invite them both but it is perfectly reasonable for him to split time from the 24th-26th between your house and with his gf and you need to support that otherwise you're undermining his ability to develop adult relationships outside your family.

Food for thought moving forward... while I understand spreading out the major parts of holiday celebrations can make sense especially when your children are all at home, it may be time to rethink this now that you have at least one adult child. The reality is that it's normal for adults to have other places they will want/need to be (be that a partner and/or their family, work, close friends, and later on a nuclear family of their own) and the spread out schedule makes that more difficult. Consider condensing the things that are most important to you so that they're less likely to have to choose between missing those and other commitments.

foodlovefood · 23/12/2025 19:50

Don’t insist. Ask for his gf to join. But accept that as they get older it will change. If you do you’ll end up like my brother and I resenting Xmas.

my parents always insisted I had to spend Christmas with them and no partner was ever invited. It got ridiculous and a chore each year as I travelled 250 miles to see them. We fell out in 2021 as due to having Covid I couldn’t travel. I was selfish.

so now I don’t go and stay at home with my DP a d enjoy Xmas.

JillMW · 23/12/2025 20:12

Oh dear! I see you posting in five years “ why won’t my daughter in law allow my son to follow MY family traditions”. I feel sure they won’t come to you on Christmas Day with the food rationing.

FarmGirl78 · 23/12/2025 20:17

FunnysInLaJardin · 23/12/2025 14:49

😁smoked salmon and blinis, prawn hand rolls, cheese and crackers and mousse au chocolat!

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Having read this you're even more lucky he chooses to spend the day with you 🤣

harriethoyle · 23/12/2025 20:22

FunnysInLaJardin · 23/12/2025 14:49

😁smoked salmon and blinis, prawn hand rolls, cheese and crackers and mousse au chocolat!

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Enough about the starters. What are you having for a main course??

I’m getting strong MN chicken/massive salad from you OP. No wonder DS is off for a good meal on Boxing Day…

Iloveeverycat · 23/12/2025 20:28

I wouldn't expect them to come on Christmas day if they wanted to go somewhere else why does it matter.

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