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Original poster

Would you insist adult DC eats with you on Boxing Day?

240 replies

FunnysInLaJardin · 23/12/2025 12:32

DS1 is 20 and back from uni for the holidays.

He has a GF and of course is spending lots of time with her at the moment.

He told us yesterday that he would be spending Boxing Day with her which is fine, although I am disappointed that he may not be back for the special dinner that we always cook on Boxing Day.

I'm really torn between letting him get on with it and it being his choice whether he is home for dinner, or whether I should say that we would like him to be home for dinner.

I don't want to dictate what he does with his time, but would really like him to spend it with us, and I know his brother and Dad would like him to be there too.

I could ask her to come to dinner too, but she is away the next day and the indication is that she wouldn't be able to.

Sigh! I thought this would get easier as they got older...

OP posts:
harriethoyle · 23/12/2025 12:57

Absolutely the way to go if you want to alienate your son with your smothering. Crack on!

Original poster
FunnysInLaJardin · 23/12/2025 13:03

I used the wrong wording in my thread title.

I would never insist, but I can't weigh up whether telling him we would really like them both to be there would amount to a guilt trip or whether I just let him make his own decision and say nothing at all about our preference.

I mean he knows we want him to be there, but would saying it make it feel guilt trippy?

My mum would use what felt like guilt trip tactics on occasion, but on reflection were probably the expression of her disappointment and I really want to avoid doing that.

OP posts:
MrsSkylerWhite · 23/12/2025 13:05

FunnysInLaJardin · 23/12/2025 13:03

I used the wrong wording in my thread title.

I would never insist, but I can't weigh up whether telling him we would really like them both to be there would amount to a guilt trip or whether I just let him make his own decision and say nothing at all about our preference.

I mean he knows we want him to be there, but would saying it make it feel guilt trippy?

My mum would use what felt like guilt trip tactics on occasion, but on reflection were probably the expression of her disappointment and I really want to avoid doing that.

Is he with you on Christmas Day?

PodMom · 23/12/2025 13:06

You just smile and say you hope he has a nice day.

at least he’s home for Xmas day. Dd has gone to see her bf the other side of the world, same as she did last year. I’m disappointed. I’d never say so. I bought her the plane ticket and wished her well.

WeeAgnes · 23/12/2025 13:08

Just keep it casual and ask
“Will you and <GF name> be eating with us on Boxing Day?”

No guilt tactics there, just asking in the spirit of organisation and planning.

blackheartsgirl · 23/12/2025 13:16

You can’t insist. He’s an adult.
i have 2 adult children in their 20s and both do their own thing at Christmas.

I see dd1 a few days before (she lives away with her dp) and then chat on Christmas Day

just invite sons gf, up to her whether she accepts or not, then say it would be nice to see you both but no biggie if not.

I must be really laid back but I do have memories of my own mother insisting that i spend christmases including Boxing Day with her when i hit adulthood regardless and I resented her for it.

Soony · 23/12/2025 13:16

At that age I think you can only really expect Christmas Day. Obviously invite the GF but say it's fine if they have other plans.
DS1 is not staying overnight on Christmas Eve this year for the first time ever, he's 30😂. I think I've done pretty well to have all the chicks home for one night a year so far! To be clear I have never put any pressure on for them to stay, just expressed delight when they tell me they are coming.

ForeverPombear · 23/12/2025 13:16

OP you're avoiding the question about where is he going to be on Christmas day

Miranda65 · 23/12/2025 13:16

No. He is an adult. And, of course, he wants to prioritise his partner.
I mean, you're seeing him at some point over the Christmas period, so I don't see the issue.... next year he might choose to spend the entire break away from home (which would also be fine, obviously).

Shatteredallthetimelately · 23/12/2025 13:18

What's wrong with saying "will you/GF be joining us for dinner on Boxing day, be lovely if you can but no offence taken if
not"

EddyNeddy · 23/12/2025 13:19

FunnysInLaJardin · 23/12/2025 13:03

I used the wrong wording in my thread title.

I would never insist, but I can't weigh up whether telling him we would really like them both to be there would amount to a guilt trip or whether I just let him make his own decision and say nothing at all about our preference.

I mean he knows we want him to be there, but would saying it make it feel guilt trippy?

My mum would use what felt like guilt trip tactics on occasion, but on reflection were probably the expression of her disappointment and I really want to avoid doing that.

Just make clear that his girlfriend is very welcome if they wish to come, and say nothing more. Of course he knows you want him there - you don’t need to guilt trip him by saying that.

JudgeBread · 23/12/2025 13:19

If he already knows you'd like him to be there then yes, telling him so again would be guilt trippy.

Don't become that unbearable boy mum who can't cut the apron strings. He's 20, you need to leave him make his own choices and accept that sometimes the girlfriend is going to trump you.

Cherrytree86 · 23/12/2025 13:20

@FunnysInLaJardin OP, haven’t you had enough of cooking after Christmas Day?? Have a year off! Do what you wanna do - go for a walk, the gym, meet up with a mate and get pissed or whatever you want. You don’t need to cook another special family dinner!

pizzaHeart · 23/12/2025 13:22

I think the problem is that you didn’t invite her in advance like well in advance once you realised that it’s not 3 dates and good bye.

sprigatito · 23/12/2025 13:24

I suspect he already knows that you would prefer him to be there, and that will be factored into any decision he makes. So I don’t think telling him explicitly will achieve anything other than annoying him.

vanillalattes · 23/12/2025 13:26

Of course you can't - he's a grown adult, he can choose for himself.

chattyness · 23/12/2025 13:27

He hasn't asked your permission and he doesn't need it. He's told you his plans,so leave it at that, but if he does mention it again just say something like "have a lovely time, but if plans change for any reason you'll both be welcome for dinner here" Then you're still welcoming but not coming across as needy/ clingy.

Pineapplewaves · 23/12/2025 13:30

He’s an adult, if he’s spending Christmas Day with you then you should let him make other plans for Boxing Day. Alternatively if his girlfriend is going away the next day and he won’t be seeing her could you move your special dinner to 27th?

titchy · 23/12/2025 13:30

Presumably he’s with you at least Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. And as the gf is away the day after Boxing Day, he’ll presumably be also with you from the 27th. So he is spending one day away from you…. Maybe chill a bit.

TomatoSandwiches · 23/12/2025 13:31

I would just tell him that if his plans fall through or they change their minds you would be more than happy to have them both for Boxing day dinner and leave it at that.

ThatChihuahuaMakesMeLaugh · 23/12/2025 13:32

I’d just say that you will obviously be doing your usual Boxing Day dinner and that they’re both very welcome to come if they want to. Leave it at that.

ChateauProvence · 23/12/2025 13:32

He’s an adult? Weird you even think you have a say tbh

Overthebow · 23/12/2025 13:35

If he’s with you Christmas Day then it’s not unreasonable of him to be with his girlfriend in Boxing Day. He’s an adult and in a relationship, he nay not always come to yours for Christmas Day either.

ExquisiteDressing · 23/12/2025 13:35

ThatChihuahuaMakesMeLaugh · 23/12/2025 13:32

I’d just say that you will obviously be doing your usual Boxing Day dinner and that they’re both very welcome to come if they want to. Leave it at that.

Yes this. Anything more is heading into guilt trip territory.

Ellie1015 · 23/12/2025 13:39

If he is with you Christmas day and girlfriend leaves 27th then I definitely wouldn't mention. You may make him feel guilty even if that is not your intention. Perhapa confirm he knows meal is happening and gf welcome. But if they have plans leave him to it. He is only home for a short time and girlfriend and friends are important too.

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