9w old baby and husband says he's going to hang himself

[WhatAmIsupposeToDoNow]

I am really fed up with my husband. We have our 9week old daughter. He went to the Christmas party yesterday, stayed in a hotel overnight, came back home still drunk this morning. Stayed drunk all day (just wouldn't sober up), had a bottle of prosecco for dinner, and then opened another one. I was asking him to stop drinking. He then went on her w depressed he is and he doesn't want his life anymore (I heard this many times before).

Eventually I went upstairs and he came through the door to tell that he's had enough of this relationship and he's going to hang himself tomorrow. At this point I seriously want him to do it as I cannot take him anymore. Just fed up of constant drinking and constant issues in his life.

I am tired of looking after his mental health, finding doctors etc for him to see, supporting him in pretty much every way possible. I am so fed up with him. I am vulnerable myself given we have just had a baby and now he's yet again can't control himself. I get he might feel depressed but I seriously don't have it in me to help him out and deal with his bullshit yet again.

Before people suggest - I don't have family and friends in the country to help me out. I am getting baby passport done now so could go back and stay with my parents for a while. Going back to work after 6 months.

This is abusive behaviour. Not-fun fact, men who threaten to kill themselves are actually much more likely to snap and kill you than themselves.

Leave him to it, unless he's harassing you, in which case, call the police.

I have a baby the same age as you and you do not deserve this whilst looking after the baby - please leave this man and live the life you deserve with your baby xx

OP you poor thing - how utterly self obsessed of him when you’re in this hormonal life changing position of being evidently solely responsible for a tiny fledgling baby. Unfortunately you don’t really want to find out how much he means what he’s saying so you can’t really tell him at the moment while he’s self medicating and making himself even more depressed and irrational.
All I can offer is comfort and maybe rather than. Showing irritation or rage with him just ask him to do things to help you and tell him all about your day and what baby’s been doing - just to try to shift the focus off him and onto the 2 most important people in his life. Maybe if he does anything with the baby just shower him with how great a dad he is, doesn’t baby adore him etc etc - like training and reward basically so he feels good doing it, until he’s stable enough for you to be more honest about how selfish he’s been being.
I hope you get some support soon - do you FaceTime your family regularly? Started any baby classes yet? Invaluable to get to know other local moms and build up yours and your baby’s social life and have people who understand what you going through so you can moan about your OH to.

I agree that this is abusive behaviour on his part

Completely agree with the above poster. Get away and get away fast. Properly suicidal people don’t go on a works night out, stay in a hotel, and then have the fight to abuse you when they eventually get home. And then start up drinking again.

I’m really sorry you’re experiencing this. I want you to get away and enjoy your baby’s early days without having to also parent a substance abuser who treats you badly :(

Ring the police and tell them he is threatening to kill himself. Let them deal with him so you can concentrate on looking after yourself and your baby. X

This is brilliant advice don’t sit around and wait for something to happen call them now.

Absolutely not. OP has to parent her tiny dependent infant and look after herself. She doesn’t need to also be coaxing a manchild to do the bare minimum, and stroking his ego, whilst hoping he will see the light in a rational moment later on.

People who threaten suicide are not suicidal. People who are actually suicidal don't want to talk about it. In your DH's case he's doing it as a form of coercive control emotional abuse to keep you anxious and on eggshells. Get away with your baby and keep him at a distance - when he realises he can't manipulate you with these emotive dramatisations he will try other kinds of abuse instead.

True that. Rarely do suicidal people foretell their suicidal ideation: it’s a secretive thing. Abusive men though, frequently use the threat of suicide to make people do what they want them to do.

I’ve had this with a relative of mine when she threatened to overdose.
I asked her if she was having suicidal thoughts because if so I would need to phone the doctor. She told me not to be ridiculous which put an end to the drama.

People who mean to take their lives just do it without announcing it.

My husband felt suicidal when we were in the early baby years and his depression flared up strongly. He came to me one day and asked me to hide the medications he had in his hand as they had been playing on his mind all day and he was worried he'd do something in a moment of weakness. The man before me was broken, he was apologising, he was sobbing. I don't know what this is with your partner but I don't think it's genuine. If you are in that place you don't laud it over people as a weapon. I think the trip sounds like a good idea.

Dangerous attitude.
My son told us multiple times he would take his life. Guess what? He neatly succeeded. We owe immense gratitude to the medical teams who saved him after a cocktail of over 100 tablets including ibuprofen and paracetamol.

Heavy amount of suicide misinformation on this thread

He may well be saying it to control and frighten you (possibly because he's no longer the centre of your attention and he resents the time and care you now spend on the baby).

It's not your role to decide if he's genuine or not.

And whatever he chooses to do, it's not your fault.

Next time he threatens suicide, call the police. If he's genuinely in danger, it will be easier for professionals to deal with him. If he isn't, hopefully he'll get a jolt of reality.

psychcentral.com/relationships/what-to-do-when-someone-threatens-suicide#offer-support

I’d get rid and I don’t say that lightly.
I’m nearly 30 years down the line with a whiny bitch functioning alcoholic who has been promising to change for most of that time. Guess what? He never changed. I’m now a 50 something shell of my former self, trapped with a person who’s losing their marbles, but still secretly drinking, (and denying it of course).
Get out, right now. Don’t be me.

He needs to move out so you can have this precious time with your baby without him ruining it. Good luck.

Please ignore the people saying those who commit suicide don’t tell anyone they are doing it. I’ve just lost my uncle yesterday to suicide because he couldn’t get the right help and had been saying it for a month that he will do it and he’s now dead.

Twat badger - really do not put up with this shit-let him get on with it. People who do this are the worst. I do not know who the fuck they think they are controlling someone else's life. Take responsibility for yourself and deal with whatever- get help if you need it but do not put this on anyone else- it's no-one else's fault or problem and so unfair too try and make it so. Sorry @Chocolatecoveredshitpig that sounds so fucking miserable

My ex h used to threaten suicide and was depressed all the time when our babies were small. And yup, didn’t stop him going out socialising on his own. You probably know what’s coming.. was living a double life and was depressed because me and our babies were stopping him living his best life with ow!

Not to say that is going on with your husband op but it really doesn’t matter either way- he’s abusive to you and by proxy his dd and you need to start again before she really becomes damaged by it.

Don't be so smug. There but for the grace of God. Nobody is immune from being taken in by an abuser.

This is abuse.

Call 999 and ask for an ambulance and police to deal with someone who is suicidal.

Agree.

I’m sorry to hear about your son, but I’m afraid it is different from using it as a threat versus a cry for help. Also overdosing as you saw Texh quite a substantial effort over 100 pills and he didn’t succeed.

You’ve got a long time to think about sitting there taking 100 pills
Unfortunately, our experience of suicide where they want to be successful was jumping in front of a train.