9w old baby and husband says he's going to hang himself

[WhatAmIsupposeToDoNow]

I am really fed up with my husband. We have our 9week old daughter. He went to the Christmas party yesterday, stayed in a hotel overnight, came back home still drunk this morning. Stayed drunk all day (just wouldn't sober up), had a bottle of prosecco for dinner, and then opened another one. I was asking him to stop drinking. He then went on her w depressed he is and he doesn't want his life anymore (I heard this many times before).

Eventually I went upstairs and he came through the door to tell that he's had enough of this relationship and he's going to hang himself tomorrow. At this point I seriously want him to do it as I cannot take him anymore. Just fed up of constant drinking and constant issues in his life.

I am tired of looking after his mental health, finding doctors etc for him to see, supporting him in pretty much every way possible. I am so fed up with him. I am vulnerable myself given we have just had a baby and now he's yet again can't control himself. I get he might feel depressed but I seriously don't have it in me to help him out and deal with his bullshit yet again.

Before people suggest - I don't have family and friends in the country to help me out. I am getting baby passport done now so could go back and stay with my parents for a while. Going back to work after 6 months.

So sorry to hear this is truly horrific for you. I think you should remove yourself from the situation as suggested capably many times already. Even if your baby cannot understand what is going on yet, he/she will pick up on your trauma and sadness and this can have far reaching implications in terms of development and emotional stability. You owe it to yourself and baby to live a happy life - it is your birthright and get out while you can.

good luck and let us know how you go. Xx

My sister's husband threatened to commit suicide. She told him to put her out of her misery and do it... he did!

He’s abusive and no good for you, pack his bags tomorrow and tell him to leave, you have one baby you don’t need another. X

I am extremely sorry you are going through this. The truth is these type of people never change. I was in a marriage for a year and a half and husband at that time became an alcoholic. He kept threatening to take his life and he never did. I called the police to help and they said its a form of coercive control. He knows you are vunerable so he will play on that. I was a dv victim so he played on that. Please be strong in yourself and know your worth. You deserve the world. You are going through tonnes of changes mentally and physically. Please put yourself and your baby first. If having a baby hasn't changed him nothing will. Alcoholism is a sickness.

Three and a half months ago you were planning on contacting a solicitor. Why didn’t you?

People who threaten suicide are not suicidal. People who are actually suicidal don't want to talk about it

I call bullshit.
Just in the past week I have read the inquests into half a dozen suicides and in most of them, the victim clearly indicated they were suicidal.

Advice to ignore or punish expressions of suicidal ideation is only going to increase the number of people that can’t be saved from suicide.

Why do many posters seem oblivious to basic suicide awareness and intervention training?

I am so sorry for your loss

It’s impossible for you to tell whether he is genuinely suicidal or not, but if he has a history of alcohol abuse and mental health issues I wouldn’t be as quick to dismiss it as people on this thread.

Call 999 if he is stating that he will kill himself - it is a medical emergency. If it becomes obvious st the hospital that it’s not true or is alcohol related, that will be their problem to deal with.

The trip to see your family sounds like a good idea to me.

Have gone through all the comments. Some really useful advice there. Thank you all for taking your time.

I think he's certainly depressed. There's no doubts about it. However, I am so fed up with it now. I cannot trust him. He can get depressed and not take care of any of his responsibilities while in the meantime I need to hold on all the corners. Looking after our baby, financial matters and anything else really that might be too stressful for him. I do love him dearly but I seriously regret getting back together after I have broke up with him 5 years ago. I should have not come back.

On my own looking after baby for the 4th day and then tomorrow will have to try and arrange some help for him. I went into the bedroom just to check on him and he just chased me away. He's ungrateful prick. He also told me earlier he's not enjoying parenthood, worries about money and job. I have been supporting him for the last 7 years at least. When it's one time I really need him to step up and be there for me he's just making it worse for me as I gave to deal with him on top of everything else.

And then he was blaming me for making him to have a child. Fair enough I was the one pushing for it. I didn't rape him at the end of the day. I am completely alone in all this, nobody to talk. What's the point having him in my life when I can't trust him when I really need him

Honey - this is your message to leave him. He has checked out of parenthood and your marriage. You can either spend the next 20 years miserable with someone who resents you and your child with you doing all the heavy lifting in terms of parenthood OR you can leave with your child and still be doing the heavy parenthood but at least you and your child will have a chance of being happy. He might come around with a break or he might not. Either way sounds like he has depression and needs medical assistance. Good luck and congratulations on the birth of your baby

My husband says this infrequently. I tend to roll my eyes and wait for it to pass. In his circumstances it’s an attention thing (I think he has EUPD). Also have friend who had similar but much more severe, her husband was found by police on train tracks. He was sectioned.
Now on better meds and doing better but still a very very difficult life for her either way a young child.

i do think you should leave him (i think about leaving) I know it’s easier said than done

@Tammygirl12 - I am sorry you are going through this as well. I can't help but feel sorry for myself. I was looking forward to December so much, spending time together as a family but this is not going to happen. Our precious first months of the baby doesn't matter to him. It's just me and that's it x

Out of all this I don't understand why he treats me in such a cruel way. Regardless the circumstances or how I feel I will always show love and compassion to people I love. It's almost like he's punishing me.

Don’t waste any energy working out how he got so dysfunctional, unless he chooses to fix himself you can’t help him even if you know what caused his issues. That’s what I’ve come to realise. I’ve wasted months of my life wondering, analysing, googling what’s wrong with my husband

If this was a mother social services would be taking the baby away but because it’s a father it’s fine.

This is my experience, too. And the constant suicide threats, especially when the children were babies or youngsters and needed a lot of time and attention. It was all about control and trying to force all the attention and "sympathy" on him. He was an alcoholic, abusive arse.
@chocolatecoveredshitpig, you can get out. I did, 2 years ago. I finally got him to leave after 30 0dd years of abuse and threats. It's been the best 2 years we have had for decades. Im almost 60 and I'm finally able to do things that I want to. Simple things like eat what I want, go to bed or get up when I want, see friends when I want. You can get your life back.

Whilst it sounds very much like your husband is using the threat of suicide as abuse, I can’t agree with the posters saying suicidal people don’t tell people they are suicidal. This simply isn’t true and very dangerous misinformation. Believe me, I lost my boyfriend to suicide many years ago and he told me he was going to do it and how…sadly neither me or the police could get to him in time.

however, your husband sounds like an utter dick. He may well be depressed but he isn’t helping himself, he’s treating you like shit and as a mother of a newborn you don’t need this. Walk away before he destroys you.

I have read your updates OP - rub for the hills.

Use the rest of the time in the U.K. to get your ducks in a row and then make a new life for yourself.

Smile sweetly and don’t let on what you are doing.

See there it is. I supported my ex but when it was his turn to support me once I had our baby, no. He continually made everything harder for me including when I wanted to go back to work because he was financially abusive. He got a kick out of treating me badly.

It's hard raising a baby alone but I found it easier than with him. My DS and I developed our life free from drama.

I remember thinking if I'm broke, alone, unhappy and lonely with you I can be all those things without you.

@user1471538283 - "remember thinking if I'm broke, alone, unhappy and lonely with you I can be all those things without you" this is very well said.

He told me again this morning he's not enjoying parenthood. He said he got overwhelmed with everything that's goin on. I'm not enjoying every single element of parenthood but that's not the point. I even don't have time to think about it. He hasn't moved a finger since Thursday to help me out in any way.

@BobbiBrownJones - I'm definitely getting everything sorted first. Invested way too much to loose it all. My job /career is UK based so going back and staying with parents would only be short term

Godspeed your escape @WhatAmIsupposeToDoNow

Honestly leave him. What he does matter is his choice. This is no way to live or bring up a baby.

I’m sorry OP. What’s the status of your baby’s passport? Does your baby have your DP’s name and will you need his consent for the baby to travel? Leave and go home as soon as you can, you can sort everything else out later.