9w old baby and husband says he's going to hang himself

[WhatAmIsupposeToDoNow]

I am really fed up with my husband. We have our 9week old daughter. He went to the Christmas party yesterday, stayed in a hotel overnight, came back home still drunk this morning. Stayed drunk all day (just wouldn't sober up), had a bottle of prosecco for dinner, and then opened another one. I was asking him to stop drinking. He then went on her w depressed he is and he doesn't want his life anymore (I heard this many times before).

Eventually I went upstairs and he came through the door to tell that he's had enough of this relationship and he's going to hang himself tomorrow. At this point I seriously want him to do it as I cannot take him anymore. Just fed up of constant drinking and constant issues in his life.

I am tired of looking after his mental health, finding doctors etc for him to see, supporting him in pretty much every way possible. I am so fed up with him. I am vulnerable myself given we have just had a baby and now he's yet again can't control himself. I get he might feel depressed but I seriously don't have it in me to help him out and deal with his bullshit yet again.

Before people suggest - I don't have family and friends in the country to help me out. I am getting baby passport done now so could go back and stay with my parents for a while. Going back to work after 6 months.

I'm sorry for your loss.

Some people don't tell anyone before taking their own lives. Some people do threaten to do it and do follow through with the threat. Some people threaten to kill themselves as a form of control of their husbands/wives/partners/children.

We don't know which category OP's husband falls into but her living situation with a tiny baby and no family in the UK is untenable and dangerous. What would you sugget that she does?

My maternal aunt took her own life after using the threat of it for decades to control people and get her own way. My mum used to pander to her and she'd come on holiday with us and ruin it with her selfish behaviour. What she did was a final 'fuck-you' not a cry for help.

@Fridgemicro poss Michelle Carter? Was 17 yo and her bf texted saying he was going to kill himself, she encouraged him to extent when he got out of the car he had planned to use as the method she told him to get back in.
so absolutely nothing like op!

Call 999 if he threatens to do it again.

In the meantime, you are making the perfect plan in taking your baby to stay with your parents once the passport is sorted. I would strongly consider making it a permanent move.

Yes, as I thought so.

The devil is always in the detail.

This.

I grew up with a depressed alcoholic dad, it ruined my childhood.

Please put yourself and your baby first.

Check if he has life assurance
Check if covers suicide

and if he threatens again, don’t encourage. Shrug. Wander off. And then furiously plan your separation.

OP if you do want to get your baby out of the country quickly then do the fast track passport application and it’ll be with you in days. Good luck!

Absolutely 💯

I did a suicide prevention course at work and one of the thing that stuck with me was they said you should always get a professional involved as soon as there are threats. They said loved ones need to realise this is a situation where mental health intervention is needed, and they can no longer deal with it by themselves.

After I had our first think my husband had made depression as he was an arse. He would often say “I’m leaving, im going”’and I would just say “go on then” with no flicker of emotion. He never walked out that door because I didn’t rise to it. Not the same as your situation but my point is focus on your baby, your husband isn’t your universe anymore your baby is.

I agree she needs to get away. This is controlling behaviour.

However, never assume someone who goes about normal life won't take their life. I knew a man in his mid twenties who loved his two young children dearly, was a great dad, went to work, went to the pub with friends, went about normal life. One day he took his own life. So it definitely happens.

However, the OP definitely needs to leave and concentrate on their baby.

I’m not sure this is true.

Talking about or threatening suicide is one of the big warnings of actually doing it.

Ive been suicidal.

My ex used to threaten to kill himself when things didn’t go his way and was being called out about his behaviour by his friends and family.

i couldn’t deal with his abusive behaviour towards me and the kids anymore so i left him. He’d then slag me off over Facebook and threaten suicide by posting things like ‘goodbye cruel world, goodbye to my friends and family (so his kids could read it) and then go awol. Cue loads of his friends and work colleagues frantically trying to contact me, saying things like do you know what’s happening, why aren’t you helping him, wtf. Why are you doing this to him. He loves you.

soon changed their tune when i pointed out that this was the man who financially, mentally and physically abused me for 13 years and threw a heavy speaker at his one year old dd, missing her by inches.

I decided to go round to his house to check anyway, hammered on the door and windows, nothing. So I climbed over his fence and found in his ground floor bedroom, curtains open playing on his Xbox in his underpants. He was fine.

Twat.

from then on i ignored all his threats and let his mates and family deal with him. Whether he meant to or not wasn’t my problem anymore.

im well aware that people don’t always stay silent when they threaten suicide but it’s not my job to protect their mental health. Can only try to help them for so long.

OP, take your baby and go home to your parents.

My ex used to threaten this. He also tried this stunt with a previous girlfriend.

But then one day I came home with my baby and he was sitting in the kitchen smoking a cigarette with the cooker gas on. I have no idea how he didn’t blow up the whole terrace.

Get your baby’s passport asap and get family help.

This.
OP, can you kick him out, or leave with little one. He is abusing you. He isn't suicidal, he's abusive and you need to get away.
He's of no benefit to you or dc. Better to split now and protect your child.

Another thread about a drunk man around a young and vulnerable baby. I'd get away from him for that reason alone, and that's before considering the rest of it.

I'm so very sorry 💐

So sorry to read this

And agree, there's a lot of inaccurate assumptions / generalisations on this thread

I agree. I don’t understand op is so tired of her husband’s mental health that she would rather he kill’s himself, is it not better she leaves him.

No sympathy with op for saying that.
Op, if you think he is faking it and it’s emotional abuse, leave him. If you think he is depressed and you can’t take it, leave him. Do not tell him to do it. Also, amazed at overconfidence of complete strangers in their assessment of a very complex situation from a 10 line Op and then telling op, he is faking it. How irresponsible of these posters.

Yes.
Sorry. ❤️

And I'm not surprised at this man to feel this way.
Before others saying "oh, horrible, selfish pig, how dare he", how about him accessing some help?
I never chose to be saddled with a kid and maybe he didn't, either.

This, and call 999 every time he threatens to kill himself.

This thread is full of ignorant people repeating utter bullshit re suicide. One thing that is true however, is that the OP needs to take her baby and leave. She should have left months ago.

Well, I would say that OP's husband must be experiencing significant emotional distress to be drinking and talking in the way that she describes, and also that OP is a new mum (I assume) with a 9 week old baby and an alcoholic partner, at the end of her tether herself, and can't reasonably be expected to take responsibility for her partner's mental health and happiness on top of everything else that she has to manage.

All of these things can be true. It isn't necessary to pick a goodie and a baddie here.

People do often tell people if they are going to end their life. It's a dangerous myth that they don't and people need to stop with it.

That isn't to say OP needs to put up with it, I completely understand you not having the bandwidth to deal with it. You need to prioritise your own mental health so you can care for your baby. It's too much for you to carry. Call the police and make your exit as soon as you can.