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9w old baby and husband says he's going to hang himself

266 replies

WhatAmIsupposeToDoNow · 12/12/2025 23:35

I am really fed up with my husband. We have our 9week old daughter. He went to the Christmas party yesterday, stayed in a hotel overnight, came back home still drunk this morning. Stayed drunk all day (just wouldn't sober up), had a bottle of prosecco for dinner, and then opened another one. I was asking him to stop drinking. He then went on her w depressed he is and he doesn't want his life anymore (I heard this many times before).

Eventually I went upstairs and he came through the door to tell that he's had enough of this relationship and he's going to hang himself tomorrow. At this point I seriously want him to do it as I cannot take him anymore. Just fed up of constant drinking and constant issues in his life.

I am tired of looking after his mental health, finding doctors etc for him to see, supporting him in pretty much every way possible. I am so fed up with him. I am vulnerable myself given we have just had a baby and now he's yet again can't control himself. I get he might feel depressed but I seriously don't have it in me to help him out and deal with his bullshit yet again.

Before people suggest - I don't have family and friends in the country to help me out. I am getting baby passport done now so could go back and stay with my parents for a while. Going back to work after 6 months.

OP posts:
WhatAmIsupposeToDoNow · 31/12/2025 21:03

I'm thinking of contacting his estranged brother. Just so he can come and get him sorted. None of his friends are doing anything substantial to actually help him. I know it might be extreme. But if it comes to worst at least I will be able to tell to our child I did all I could.

OP posts:
cestlavielife · 31/12/2025 21:04

Just leave it.
Unless he texts you say8ng something specific you can share to 101 he is likely all fine
And if not it is not on you.

runningonberocca · 31/12/2025 21:05

He chose to order the alcohol. He chooses to drink it. He chooses self destruct. He could have chosen you. He could have chosen his new baby daughter. But he did not.
You have done all you possibly could. He knows what he needs to do to change. At the moment he doesn’t want to stop drinking. He doesn’t want to engage with mental health services. You cannot do it for him.
Step away. He has friends, he has family, he has the option of seeking professional support. This is not on you and your beautiful baby girl.
I know how hard it is and I’m sorry you’re going through this .

Tammygirl12 · 31/12/2025 21:18

OP I’m here and I’m reading. I’m handholding. Keep messaging on here and me and others will reply.

You would feel so unstable and unsafe being in a house with him with your baby - not knowing how he would behave etc. Rest easy tonight knowing your baby is under a safe roof. Do some deep breathing (I ask chat gpt to do some grounding breathing exercises with me and it never fails to make me feel not alone - checks in on you!)

Verathe · 31/12/2025 21:25

Reading this….wow op you’re an amazing mummy. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this right now. A very similar scenario happened to my best friend. 18 months later her and her little girl are thriving and have nothing to do with her abusive ex
it will get better and easier x

BobbiBrownJones · 31/12/2025 21:30

Where are you now OP? At your own home?

WhatAmIsupposeToDoNow · 31/12/2025 21:43

Tammygirl12 · 31/12/2025 21:18

OP I’m here and I’m reading. I’m handholding. Keep messaging on here and me and others will reply.

You would feel so unstable and unsafe being in a house with him with your baby - not knowing how he would behave etc. Rest easy tonight knowing your baby is under a safe roof. Do some deep breathing (I ask chat gpt to do some grounding breathing exercises with me and it never fails to make me feel not alone - checks in on you!)

That is true. I do have a lot of things to worry about given what has happened but I certainly don't need to be afraid of him coming home drunk and behaving in a disruptive manner, sleeping with my clothes on and feeling afraid of what's going to happen...

OP posts:
WhatAmIsupposeToDoNow · 31/12/2025 21:55

runningonberocca · 31/12/2025 21:05

He chose to order the alcohol. He chooses to drink it. He chooses self destruct. He could have chosen you. He could have chosen his new baby daughter. But he did not.
You have done all you possibly could. He knows what he needs to do to change. At the moment he doesn’t want to stop drinking. He doesn’t want to engage with mental health services. You cannot do it for him.
Step away. He has friends, he has family, he has the option of seeking professional support. This is not on you and your beautiful baby girl.
I know how hard it is and I’m sorry you’re going through this .

He did choose all that... He told me himself he's not feeling well. But he was holding on. And then he went out (with a non drinker friend, not even to a pub), promised me not to drink and came home completely drunk. I was heartbroken seeing him like that. And then he started looking for any small excuses to get angry at me. Almost like he needed an excuse to carry on drinking. I am so so sorry for all this situation. For all 3 of us.

He had everything you could ever ask for. He was doing well in life. But no, he had to press the self destruct button. It's heartbreaking..

OP posts:
MrsLizzieDarcy · 31/12/2025 22:28

It doesn't matter what you do, OP, you can't help him. And he's not your responsibility - your child is.

Acceptance of that will make your life an awful lot easier Flowers

WhatAmIsupposeToDoNow · 31/12/2025 23:50

@MrsLizzieDarcy - it's something I have done for over 10 years so difficult to stop my mind going into overdrive. I am certainly done having relationships with men. It's just not worth it.

OP posts:
whattheysay · 31/12/2025 23:58

No one knows if he’s actually suicidal however the op cannot deal with any of this on her own. If he’s threatening suicide and doesn’t want to take the risk that he’s telling the truth then she should tell someone to help like a professional. If someone I knew was saying that I would tell someone because how exactly am I supposed to help the person on my own ?

WhatAmIsupposeToDoNow · 01/01/2026 11:58

He started responding to friends which is a good step forward. It's more worrying when he's silent.

I have a meeting with social worker next week which I am certainly pleased about. Would anyone be able to brief me what I can possibly do to prepare for it? How she can help me?

OP posts:
cestlavielife · 01/01/2026 14:51

Do you need help with applying for housing?
Counselling ?
Now you away from this man it seems you doing fine and caring for your baby.
Remember that if he genuinely "post natal" depressed etc he could be risk to baby so no need to rush to arrange contact.
Ask sw about local contact centres in case needed in future

WhatAmIsupposeToDoNow · 01/01/2026 17:33

@cestlavielife - I need help with a short time housing. I can afford to rent but it takes time to find right place (if I was on my own it wouldn't matter much but with a baby I can't just rush anywhere). I also need to get mine and baby belongings from the property.

I don't need counselling at the very moment (despite all the big issues I feel better already!) and long term I can sort out myself.

OP posts:
OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 01/01/2026 18:19

You need someone to accompany you to your home to collect your belongings, could one of your friend's husbands /partners go with you
and personally
I would leave baby with friend while you do so.

AcquadiP · 02/01/2026 20:31

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 01/01/2026 18:19

You need someone to accompany you to your home to collect your belongings, could one of your friend's husbands /partners go with you
and personally
I would leave baby with friend while you do so.

I second this.

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