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Original poster

Would this piss you off or am I overreacting?

191 replies

HappyLimeHiker · 10/12/2025 15:20

DH has a 'work wife' who, to say I'm not a fan of, would be an understatement. They carpool to work despite her living 10 miles in the opposite direction to his works and adding an extra 45 minutes each way to his commute. Last week was DH birthday and he brought a birthday card home signed by everyone. All totally innocuous apart from her message which didn't make reference to his birthday but simply said 'luv ya lots'. Am I right in thinking this is inappropriate and totally disrespectful to me and our marriage? It almost feels like it's a passive aggressive attempt to piss on her territory? Imo you don't write a message like that on a married man's card unless you are looking to cause trouble. Or is it completely innocent and I'm overthinking it?

OP posts:
BreadstickBurglar · 10/12/2025 15:23

YANBU I expect she got him another card separately.

If my husband was spending an extra 90 mins a day so he could hang out with a woman I’d be assuming something was going on. Do you have kids?!

GeorgeEdwardsMum · 10/12/2025 15:25

The distance thing would piss me off, but not the card. I write love in cards to all my friends.

Daisywhatsyouranswer · 10/12/2025 15:26

The card wouldn’t remotely bother me. The distance would unless they take it in turns.

ednaclouda · 10/12/2025 15:27

45 mins out of his way
sorry I wouldnt put up with that
get the mare to go on the bus NOPE

Original poster
HappyLimeHiker · 10/12/2025 15:30

No, no kids thankfully. Thank you for your comments, interested in others opinions as I can't decide whether it's innocent or she is taking the piss. They do take turns driving but on the weeks she drives he's home 45 mins to an hour earlier

OP posts:
peachgreen · 10/12/2025 15:31

The card is fine – taking an hour and a half away from you/his kids EVERY SINGLE DAY to be able to drive her to and from work is absolutely fucking ridiculous.

PrincessofWells · 10/12/2025 15:33

So it's a car share . . . no it wouldn't pass me off unless there is some sort of inappropriate behaviour.

ohyesido · 10/12/2025 15:34

The card would very much bother me. It’s overly familiar and intimate in a way that is inappropriate

ChristmasinBrighton · 10/12/2025 15:35

I agree with PP. The card is not a problem. The lengthy detour to spend time with “work wife” would be a dealbreaker for me

Pistachiocake · 10/12/2025 15:36

Wouldn't bother me, and if they share but it doesn't impact on costs, as in overall doesn't cost him more, that would be ok. I used to carshare and went way out of my way, but we all sorted out who was driving which day/petrol money, so overall, it didn't cost more and was environmentally better. Hearts, love etc on cards seem normal to me, and if she was having an affair, I would have expected her to be more subtle, or for him to hide the card.

CandyCaneKisses · 10/12/2025 15:39

The card is insignificant here. He spends all that extra time and petrol to car pool? Time that’s being taken away from his own home life, extra expense of petrol and wear and tear on the car.

That would be getting knocked on the head after the Christmas break if not today if it was me.

CandyCaneKisses · 10/12/2025 15:42

HappyLimeHiker · 10/12/2025 15:30

No, no kids thankfully. Thank you for your comments, interested in others opinions as I can't decide whether it's innocent or she is taking the piss. They do take turns driving but on the weeks she drives he's home 45 mins to an hour earlier

Absolutely no need to share the commute if she has her own car. You don’t go 90 minutes out of your way for a colleague unless there’s more between them.

He would be home an hour earlier every day if he wasn’t going 10 miles in the opposite direction.

liamharha · 10/12/2025 15:45

BreadstickBurglar · 10/12/2025 15:23

YANBU I expect she got him another card separately.

If my husband was spending an extra 90 mins a day so he could hang out with a woman I’d be assuming something was going on. Do you have kids?!

This

SparkleSpriteDust · 10/12/2025 15:46

Not appropriate to write 'luv ya lots' at all. He has a wife (you).

FeliciaFancybottom · 10/12/2025 15:59

I hate the whole work wife/husband thing, it's disrespectful to the person who is actually their spouse. My husband has female friends but not once has he referred to any of them as his wife.

Sliverreindeer · 10/12/2025 16:02

Yeah ..I'm married and over my dead body would I tolerate that
It's how affairs start ..and how marriages end

Pancakeflipper · 10/12/2025 16:07

That's cringe.
I'd be doing side eye at him. And mentally listing other instances of cringe.

She might just ego boosting herself with the attention?

I've got a work wife and she doesn't drive the 9 miles from her house to mine to car share (or vise versa). That's way beyond work spouse duties.

crystal90210 · 10/12/2025 16:07

Surely she should drive to your house every day and then they split the remaining journey to work 50/50.

That would solve the extra 45 mins DH does

MyMilchick · 10/12/2025 16:07

Yeah agree with everyone else here, the card (especially how it was written "luv ya" is more of a friendly expression) wouldn't bother anywhere near as much as the driving situation. How long would it take him to drive to work if he was just going there directly as a matter of interest?

EarthlingsAhoy · 10/12/2025 16:10

This is not a work wife. In plain sight and all that...sorry op. They are both taking the p*ss.

Original poster
HappyLimeHiker · 10/12/2025 16:13

Work is 30 miles from home for him, takes about 45 minutes if he goes directly, easily double that if he is picking her up and dropping her off

OP posts:
Instructions · 10/12/2025 16:15

Work wife? Fuck off, I am my husband's wife, we do not practise polygamy, if he ever referred to someone as his work wife I would remind him of this.

I would assume if he was doing what your husband is doing with the 'car pooling' that they were having a physical affair as well as an emotional one.

ginasevern · 10/12/2025 16:17

I know the card seems trivial but it's the two things put together. The fact that he goes ridiculously out of his way for this woman and then she writes "luv ya lots" in a card to a married man. No, fuck that.

Original poster
HappyLimeHiker · 10/12/2025 16:21

@ginasevern exactly this! I was annoyed by the commuting thing already and then the comment on the card was just the icing on the cake

OP posts:
WallaceinAnderland · 10/12/2025 16:22

The card wouldn't bother me but the detour so that he can spend more time with her than with you would piss me off.

A work 'wife' is creepy and weird. It suggests that she has partner privileges such as a claim his time and attention. Very odd.

I think I would just tell him that this set up wasn't for me so call it a day.