Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Would this piss you off or am I overreacting?

191 replies

HappyLimeHiker · 10/12/2025 15:20

DH has a 'work wife' who, to say I'm not a fan of, would be an understatement. They carpool to work despite her living 10 miles in the opposite direction to his works and adding an extra 45 minutes each way to his commute. Last week was DH birthday and he brought a birthday card home signed by everyone. All totally innocuous apart from her message which didn't make reference to his birthday but simply said 'luv ya lots'. Am I right in thinking this is inappropriate and totally disrespectful to me and our marriage? It almost feels like it's a passive aggressive attempt to piss on her territory? Imo you don't write a message like that on a married man's card unless you are looking to cause trouble. Or is it completely innocent and I'm overthinking it?

OP posts:
anytipswelcome · 13/12/2025 12:09

An hour long shit? Every day? What on earth…

Jojo890000 · 13/12/2025 12:12

secretrocker · 12/12/2025 13:00

WTF, you reported her?
That's crazy.
If there is an issue, your partner should deal with it. If not it's an issue with him.

I had every right to do that thanks. She literally touched my partner up right in front of me and my toddler..... knowing we're together, Don't tell me you wouldn't have done the same thing if it was you. Little things like this lead to affairs or attempts of an affair from the person flirting. We know how easily lead men are. No offense to men but they're brains are really in their pants when it comes to a bit of female attraction. If I could help stop an affair or someone home and family being wrecked I would and I'd be the same over someone I cared about. What shall I do just stand back and allow it? Some people need to learn there are consequences for their behaviour

Jojo890000 · 13/12/2025 12:14

secretrocker · 12/12/2025 13:00

WTF, you reported her?
That's crazy.
If there is an issue, your partner should deal with it. If not it's an issue with him.

Their not ''they're''. Realised i typed too fast and mistyped

AutumnLeavesFallingFast · 13/12/2025 12:17

HappyLimeHiker · 10/12/2025 15:30

No, no kids thankfully. Thank you for your comments, interested in others opinions as I can't decide whether it's innocent or she is taking the piss. They do take turns driving but on the weeks she drives he's home 45 mins to an hour earlier

Absolutely not the point if the thread. But usually if you carpool like tgst, the one in the opposite direction drives to the other one's house and they take turns from there.

given how you already feel about her yes the card would have pissed me off, just another random in the office no.

& the term 'work wife' can get to fuck as well.

you need to have a serious conversation with him about how this us impacting your marriage. Ie if he carries on with this shit he won't have one. One of them needs a new jib!!

outerspacepotato · 13/12/2025 12:28

Your husband is full of bullshit.

She lives in the opposite direction from you and has her own fucking car. There is no energy savings here in car pooling. Why do she and your husband need to car share? Do they not spend enough time together at the office?

Sorry, I'm not buying his excuses that it's hard to park where she lives. Then don't have a car. Parking issues are part of having a car in a lot of places. Helping her financially, WTF. She's not his family. She's a coworker, although he seems to see her as more.

He is way, way too invested in fixing things for her, like saving her money and her parking issues.

The hour long shit, that's not the norm, he needs to see a doc.

I think the car share should stop completely. It's ludicrous. He's been driving much more out of his way and now she will just do they can spend time together outside of work.

Good on you for bringing it up but he tried to blow you off and his "solution" still has them spending too much time together out of work when it's not even convenient. They go out of their way to do so.

BadgernTheGarden · 13/12/2025 12:47

HappyLimeHiker · 10/12/2025 15:30

No, no kids thankfully. Thank you for your comments, interested in others opinions as I can't decide whether it's innocent or she is taking the piss. They do take turns driving but on the weeks she drives he's home 45 mins to an hour earlier

Why doesn't she drive all the time and he pay for half the fuel? Or she leaves her car at yours and he drives from there? It's daft him driving in the wrong direction to pick her up and drop her off half of the time. What messages did the others put in his card? Sounds OK in a way but a lot of time spent alone together chatting they are likely to develop a pretty good friendship at the least. Is she attractive and is he?

HoppingPavlova · 13/12/2025 12:50

He also pointed out when he gets home he goes for an hour long shit and I go to hobby briefly so we don't really get to relax and spend time together until I get home which is true

So, you are up in arms he is ‘wasting time’ with the carpooling, but you don’t have issues with him taking an hour long shit🤨. Men are not a different species, they don’t need an hour to take a shit, it’s just laziness so it’s an hour they are not available to do stuff like unstacking a dishwasher or cooking a meal or bathing kids.

SomewhatAnnoyed · 13/12/2025 12:51

He’d still need to shit regardless presumably.

So he does it when he gets in without the extra time ferrying her around like a private chauffeur, or he’d do it after. (Which would mean EVEN more time not seeing OP after being at work all day)

How is that a justifiable reason when it’s still adding on extra time he could be spending with OP?

The shitting is irrelevant.

SomewhatAnnoyed · 13/12/2025 12:52

Is he putting this work colleague in the same bracket as taking a dump? Thats not very complimentary surely 😂

LeftBoobGoneRogue · 13/12/2025 13:52

anytipswelcome · 13/12/2025 12:09

An hour long shit? Every day? What on earth…

He needs more fibre in his diet.

PlayingDevilsAdvocateisinteresting · 13/12/2025 17:08

Many thanks for the update, Happy! You are quite right that it is very frustrating to not get a follow up when you have become invested in someone else's concerns, and yours was potentially a very serious problem if your DH hadn't realised how ridiculous and unfair he was being to you, and your shared life.

As for him spending an hour daily apparently having a bowel movement - which I know you only mentioned because it was part of your DH's defence case (please discourage him if he ever decides he would like to be a barrister 🙈) - I think that many Mumsnetters, including me, will understand what is happening here - unless he does actually have a rare problem with his bowels, in which case he really does need to see his Dr if he hasn't already done so - your DH seems to be using the classic, mainly male solution, to having some relaxation time, without the fear of being interrupted, as he/they seem to think that nobody can really complain about him/them spending time performing an essential part of any animals' basic bodily functions!!

How wrong these unfortunate men are if they share their lives with a woman of even average intelligence and commonsense. My husband spends his 'pooping' time looking at his phone, but before the time of smart phones, he used to keep a pile of magazines (F1, Hi Fi, etc, not the other sort!) by the toilet, until I convinced him that that was a disgusting and unhygenic habit. Sadly, I haven't been able to convince him that the same goes for his personal phone, I think he is actually addicted to it - but that would be for a differnt thread. So generally, I have managed to talk him down from about 40 minutes on the toilet, to about 25 minutes × 2 times per day, but if he ever has to 'go' when we are out, it somehow doesn't take him more than 10 mins, and usually quite a bit less... 😉

HipHopDontYouStop · 13/12/2025 17:19

Car share arrangement is weird. It’s meant to be convenient for both parties. Not add hours each week to a journey. That is a red flag already c

She’s showing you something in the card by writing that.

Unforgettablefire · 13/12/2025 18:44

Notquitethetruth · 11/12/2025 13:43

The whole situation sounds crazy. From a purely sensible and logical perspective who would do all that extra driving just to get to work. Worse, how can it be justified in any way that makes it sound reasonable?
She joined your hobby, said she was an expert and she hasn't a clue? I would be distancing myself from her for that alone. She is stalking you and I would be asking some serious questions as to her motive and end goal. Your DH cannot excuse, dismiss or be blind to her behaviour any longer. He should be distancing himself from her.
Her behaviour is questionable and borderline controlling. She is trying to insert herself into your lives. Stop it now.

This in a nutshell. Putting all these things together it’s weird I think she wants your life.

Nantescalling · 13/12/2025 22:46

HappyLimeHiker · 10/12/2025 15:30

No, no kids thankfully. Thank you for your comments, interested in others opinions as I can't decide whether it's innocent or she is taking the piss. They do take turns driving but on the weeks she drives he's home 45 mins to an hour earlier

Do you mean she drives twice as fast as he does or do you think they might be doing a little lay-by'ing?

secretrocker · 15/12/2025 08:27

Jojo890000 · 13/12/2025 12:12

I had every right to do that thanks. She literally touched my partner up right in front of me and my toddler..... knowing we're together, Don't tell me you wouldn't have done the same thing if it was you. Little things like this lead to affairs or attempts of an affair from the person flirting. We know how easily lead men are. No offense to men but they're brains are really in their pants when it comes to a bit of female attraction. If I could help stop an affair or someone home and family being wrecked I would and I'd be the same over someone I cared about. What shall I do just stand back and allow it? Some people need to learn there are consequences for their behaviour

So you don't trust your husband.
Fair enough.
Still feel for the poor woman you reported though.

ThisMellowCat · 22/02/2026 22:27

The whole point of car share is to save money. At what point is he saving by travelling an extra 100 miles a week, effectively putting over 5000 miles on your car per year, which will eat into any profit on selling your car.
let alone then spending the equivalent of a whole working day each week in her company, when he could be at home with you.
personally I’d have kicked off then, the card is the topper that allows you to kick off now!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page