Under 35s: Do men on a postnatal ward bother you?

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I'm always surprised to see that the general attitude on MN is that men shouldn't be allowed on postnatal wards overnight. My husband was so helpful, got me everything I needed, changed every nappy, held the baby so I could sleep, I didn't lift a finger. Overnight I barely slept because baby wouldn't settle and I wish he'd been there.

Speaking to my friends they all agree that they don't have a problem with men being there. They're helpful, especially when midwives are so short staffed, especially for women who have had C sections. We just drew the curtains and got on with it, ignored the other men and they ignored us.

I'm going to get lots of accusations of ageism here, but I often see women who don't want men on the wards saying things like 'back when I had my baby 20 years ago'. So I'm wondering if it's a generational thing? So if you're under 35ish (just as that's the age of my circle) do you have a problem with men staying on postnatal wards?

I'm 31. When I had DD nearly 12 years ago I'd have given anything to have now-DH stay overnight. I was 19, utterly shell shocked and terrified, traumatic birth with a 3rd degree tear, and 4 hours after DD was born he had to go home. The midwives on the postnatal ward largely ignored me, and I had to fight for the breastfeeding support they actively offered the older mums.

It was a dreadful postnatal experience and I do think it would have been improved with DH there to advocate for me.

Last time I was on a postnatal ward, the husband of the woman in the next bed made multiple disparaging comments about me to the midwife - easily audible through the flimsy curtain. I didn't feel safe with him there even in broad daylight, surrounded by staff. Overnight my husband was at home with our older child. I'm very glad all the other male partners were kicked out overnight too, so all I had to worry about was a screaming newborn and depression severe enough to make me suicidal. Surrounding vulnerable women with strange men while they're trying to sleep is wrong.

Women have been raped while patients on postnatal wards, usually by their own partners. Do you want them to have their partners with them 24/7? Or to have those men a couple of metres from you and your newborn while you're sleeping?

I'm not arguing the point. I'm asking your age and whether you think men should be allowed to stay or not

I'm over your age range, but I had children 20 years ago (when it absolutely wasn't a thing) and more recently when it was.

The biggest issue for me is that men staying over hasn't come in because it's better for women, or because it's a choice women have made/campaigned for.

It's come in because maternity services are so underfunded and overstretched that in some places women need someone with them otherwise they have no care.

That to me is absolutely scandalous. For my last birth I was originally quite pleased DH could stay. However, having seen how much he ended up helping the lady in the next bed who had nobody staying with her, and how little the staff could/did do for her despite knowing she had no-one I'm now completely against it being a standard thing.

It covers up poor staffing rates.

Maternity care in the UK is appallingly poor, and getting worse by the year. Changes like this help cover up the issue, especially when staff are unable (sometimes unwilling) to intervene when some of the men cause disruption on the ward with snoring, late night phone calls etc.

Men staying when their partners were on properly staffed and funded wards, with staff enabled to chuck them out if they cause disruption, would be a different debate imo.

I'm in your age range and absolutely against it, unless something has gone catastrophically wrong and the partner is needed for emotional support.
The privacy and dignity of all patients must be respected.

I’m 41 so way over your age range but I had my last child 2 years ago.

I had my first 2 at 33 and 35 and for all of them I’ve had zero problems with men being on the ward. My husband was super helpful.

I did absolutely hate when some people had multiple noisy guests that stayed for hours on end though. 😂

There should be no men on shared postnatal wards. But there should be more private rooms available and adequate staff to cover them, and to be supporting the women in the wards properly. We shouldn’t be expecting partners to do the caring- they could have other children at home they need to look after!

My first I had sepsis and I was so glad to have my partner there to support me as I couldn’t do anything, I was so so ill, the one time he had to leave I soiled myself as I couldn’t get out of the bed by myself and no one answered the buzzer. We had a private room.

Mu second I was in a ward with other women, no men overnight and I was glad about that as would have felt very vulnerable but also got absolutely no sleep as newborns were crying all night.

Are you under 35?

I’m 30, had my DC at 23 and 26. I wish DP had been able to stay overnight. With my first I was kept in for 5 nights, didn’t sleep well the whole time.

Never had a single issue with any of the men visiting the ward.

Yes

As an older first time mum they all ignored me because they just assumed I'd done it all before! Neither of us knew what we were doing with a new born at the time so not sure what help my DH would have been, apart from helping me panic.

I’m 45 and I think they should be able to stay especially with the dire state of postnatal care on the NHS. They were allowed to stay at my hospital when I had my kids a few years ago and I had no issues with it even though my DH didn’t stay the second time as he was with my eldest. Didn’t bother me that other ‘strange’ men were around, yes some were irritating as were some of the women and most of all the noisy day visitors but that’s life on a public NHS ward. The chances of someone else’s partner randomly attacking another woman patient are vanishingly small so this risk shouldnt be prioritised against the need for women who want it to have the help and support of their partners post birth.

I'm 22. I don't think they should be allowed to stay overnight, unless you have a private room.

I would be all for it if they were helpful and supportive. It wasn't a thing when I had my dc but would have liked it, yes.

When in hospital with my last baby, there was a dreadful man on the ward. I gathered from his loud conversations with the midwives that it was their 5th or 6th baby. He kept pressuring them to discharge her pretty much as soon as they arrived on the ward and wandering up and down the ward on his mobile talking loudly about how he needed to get back to work.

The midwives refused to discharge her and it's a good job they did as she then had a bleed. I overheard one of them telling the husband 'and this is why we could not let her go home yet.'

Can you imagine having multiple babies with a man like that?

34 and no, it shouldn't be allowed. Have some consideration for the dignity and safety of the other women on the ward.

I gave birth at the beginning of this year. I am severely physically disabled and had been in the hospital for a week before delivery. The hospital arranged for my husband and I to have a private family room as the level of support I would need following my planned c-section would be far higher than the midwives could reasonably be expected to provide. My husband was in our room with us all the time apart from when he went to the shared kitchen to get drinks or sterilise pumping equipment. That was the only time he ever came into contact with any of the mums, who were also in the kitchen. He never had to enter the rest of the ward. Baby and I were kept in hospital for a week post birth and there is no way I would have coped without my husband there. The problem with making blanket pronouncements is that it does not allow for all eventualities and situations.

6 years ago.
Was on the ward for nearly a week. My partner shared my bed, meaning I couldn’t sleep. Then went home every morning to sleep. Didn’t realise it was causing me such a problem at the time but it was the opposite of helpful.

I also felt there was a lot of anti social noise from other men, talking so loudly on phones, watching phones without headphones, just little awareness and respect for the fact that women need to try and rest.

I would discharge myself rather than sleep on a shared ward of any type.

Im in my thirties and although I would have loved my DH to be able to stay with me after a scary emergency c section and a weeks stay in hospital, I don’t think it should be standard practice, no. I agree that many fathers can and do support the new mother with the baby in the night but the mothers should be supported by the midwives- the issue should not be that fathers have to help because the nhs is so chronically understaffed. That shouldn’t be the answer. I think the fathers should be allowed there in the day (mine was allowed 9am-9pm) and then overnight, no visitors and mothers and babies should be properly looked after by hospital staff. Basically the answer in all my waffle is to properly fund nhs staff and not rely on new dads to do it overnight. Post natal wards should be for mothers and babies only imo.

It’s not always possible. I was in a shared ward for a week due to sepsis after emergency section. Baby on antibiotics too. Couldn’t go home for a week. Had to endure a week of hell on a shared ward.

I’m 35 and yes I have a problem with them after a bad experience. Having done 3 nights in hospital after each birth, the second time around was made considerably more stressful by other women’s partners.

Sure but if I could drag myself out I'd do it.

Under 35 and say men should not be allowed to stay overnight.

No, I literally couldn’t have done it without my DH there. When I went to the ward I’d been awake about 36 hours and had major surgery, so I pretty much passed out and he was solely caring for the baby.

I didn’t even notice other dads there.

I do however have an issue with loud, annoying people playing loud things on their phones, which can be either sex.