DS doesn’t want 1 child from his class to go to his birthday party - help!

[mariasgotabrandnewbag]

DS will be turning 7 soon, we’ve arranged his party and he wants all his classmates to go minus 1 boy because he says he’s a bully.
I’ve explained that’s it’s not nice to leave 1 child out but he’s adamant he can’t have him there. He says he’s a bully and isn’t kind to him. I’ve spoken to school and they said they keep the boys seperate so other child cant have much contact with ds.
BUT I feel so awkward about just leaving out 1 child. We did it last year because ds was in tears about it and very distressed.
obviously I don’t want ds to be upset or worried at his own party but wwyd?
I can send out invites seperately instead of on the mums WhatsApp group and I did this last year but it doesn’t sit well with me. There’s only 16 in the class so not a big class.
The mum of said child is not approachable, I don’t agree with her parenting style (swearing/smoking in car with child etc etc) just for some context.

I haven't read all the comments but bet there are some saying that having the bully there is character building or something like that, but why can't the bully have their character built by being the only child left out of the party?

Anyway this is all solved by not involving school in birthdays. When I celebrated my birthdays over the years I did so mainly with my friends, not my colleagues.

But that's punishing the other children in the class that can't be invited because of the bully. Either invite the bully but keep a sharp eye on things and be prepared to step in, or just exclude the bully, perhaps teaches him bullying doesn't pay. If the mum asks just say they don't get on.

Let's set your scene properly. It's my birthday and I have invited everyone in my 30 person office except one person. I have excluded just one of my 30 colleagues because they annoy me. Does that make me a bit of a cunt? Yes.

So you'd really rather risk spoiling your own celebration with the poor/nasty behaviour of somebody who has strong form for it, than risk upsetting that person?

If you invited everybody except Sanjeev, because you don't really like Asians; or everybody except Pam, because she uses a wheelchair and you think she'll spoil the wild atmosphere on the dance floor, you would indeed be a really unpleasant person... but somebody who treats you badly? Even somebody who can be 'a bit difficult or awkward'; but an actual bully who openly despises you?

Presumably, you wouldn't be billing it as an office party, but rather as a birthday party for you and your family/friends - many of the latter of whom you just happen to know through working with them and have come to get on at least reasonably well with over time?

People need to have enough self-respect to acknowledge that they are not the ones in the wrong if they choose not to entertain, socialise or spend any of their free time with those who bully and treat them badly.

You aren't taking anything away from them; you're just choosing not to do an enjoyable 'friend thing' with people who have very much decided - and clearly shown - that they are not your friend.

So @mariasgotabrandnewbag what are you going to do ?

Consequences for being a bully ..you don't get invited to parties
It's your son's party ,it's his decision,and he s clearly telling you what he wants

I think there becomes an age when it is wiser to do smaller parties because not everyone is going to get on and be friends. One of my children had a boy who he wasn’t keen on all the way through school but he wasn’t a bully so I still invited him. Plus there wasn’t many boys in his class. My older child has Sen and was the only one not invited to a party at someone’s house. My child’s Sen isn’t obvious in a disruptive way. My child did not care, hated parties and wasn’t keen on the child. Saved me having to return the favour but it did seem mean tbh!

It’s nicer to invite lots if they are nice kids - they will lose touch then meet again at teen parties have nice memories and snog each other!

Id say.. bollox to turning the other cheek- way to set up your child to be a push-over.

Inviting the bully is sending out the message that others are expected to tolerate the behaviour, its giving the bully the green light to carry on. Why would you subject your child.to this?

Inviting the bully is sending out the message that others are expected to tolerate the behaviour, its giving the bully the green light to carry on. Why would you subject your child.to this?

So your son has to 'be kind' and invite a bully to his birthday party? Good for him having the courage to speak up. Bullying has consequences.

Sounds fair enough, he’s a bully and not nice to your son so why would you invite him. About time the bully learnt that his actions have consequences.