Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

DH resents that I don't drive.

499 replies

JustineTim · 28/10/2025 19:56

I have my license but hardly drive. I hate it. I always have. I get soooo anxious and dread it I can't park for toffee which makes me more anxious as I worry about parking once I get somewhere. I just don't have the spatial awareness. I only drive when I have to eg school run which I don't even need to do anymore as kids catch a bus now. So now I hardly drive.

I was in the car with DH after picking up my little one from holiday club and he just sort of said out of the blue. I wish I was in the back and you were driving. I said okay but will you help me how to park. That's the worst part. He said, no, you've got a license, do it yourself. Then my little one joined in the conservation asking why I didn't drive. I agreed and said I know, mummy doesn't drive and then he piped up with "you proud of that are you?. I was hurt and told him to stop being mean. He then accused me of turning it on him like he was the one doing something wrong.

I left it at that but feel quite hurt by it really. I personally don't ask for lifts from him as I generally don't need to. Everything is quite accessible. Maybe he has a point, maybe I should drive and do all the driving. But I think it hurt more as I do literally everything in the house and work ft and do all the kids stuff too. Things are so much easier now that they are older. It's like he just sees this one thing I don't do but doesn't see all the other ways I contribute.

OP posts:
CalmShaker · 28/10/2025 20:05

That made me really angry reading that, you have done nothing wrong OP.
I'm straight to the point and blunt I know (always have, always will be) and I hope you get a more level headed response then what I'm suggesting;

Make out everything is ok and act normal then ask him to watch you park up from outside the car, then drive over his feet the bastard

Calliopespa · 28/10/2025 20:06

He sounds like an intolerant grump. You are right that it is far less effort than the tasks you do, and he is using this to shame you, which is really unpleasant.

If you don't feel comfortable, you shouldn't do it. It's not like loading the dishwasher: people depend on other drivers being confident and competent.

Sillysoggyspaniel · 28/10/2025 20:07

I think we need more detail. Does you not driving mean he has to always do shopping trips/be the designated driver/take you to appointments that are less accessible? If so then yes, you need to practice and gain confidence.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
Calliopespa · 28/10/2025 20:07

CalmShaker · 28/10/2025 20:05

That made me really angry reading that, you have done nothing wrong OP.
I'm straight to the point and blunt I know (always have, always will be) and I hope you get a more level headed response then what I'm suggesting;

Make out everything is ok and act normal then ask him to watch you park up from outside the car, then drive over his feet the bastard

I was thinking reverse into something.😂

PeonyPatch · 28/10/2025 20:07

I am gonna go against the grain here, but I do feel sorry for people in couples who do all the driving. I can see his point. I think it ought to be a little bit more of an equal responsibility. My thoughts.

PeonyPatch · 28/10/2025 20:08

CalmShaker · 28/10/2025 20:05

That made me really angry reading that, you have done nothing wrong OP.
I'm straight to the point and blunt I know (always have, always will be) and I hope you get a more level headed response then what I'm suggesting;

Make out everything is ok and act normal then ask him to watch you park up from outside the car, then drive over his feet the bastard

Jesus, you sound lovely.

SemperIdem · 28/10/2025 20:11

Having had a partner who didn’t drive, I can understand how frustrating it can be.

Have you considered having advanced lessons to help you with the aspects of driving which make you anxious?

VeryQuaintIrene · 28/10/2025 20:12

Some people really do have terrible spatial awareness. I am one of them and it's hard for people to understand what that is like, just as I don't really understand why some things that I find easy are hard for other people. Living in the US, I have to drive, and do, and I',m not a horrendous driver, but I really believe that driving takes up more headspace for me and causes more anxiety than it does for some people including my partner, who is luckily kinder than the OP's and does more of it than I do when we are together.

mumofoneAloneandwell · 28/10/2025 20:13

Yeah we need more info about the driving, op

But on the face of it, he is being a dick. There's more to pulling your weight than driving

Gassylady · 28/10/2025 20:13

Why not have some refresher lessons and ask to cover parking in your own car? Might help with your confidence rather than having to get used to different controls in the instructors car.

Benjithedog · 28/10/2025 20:15

The thing is unless you do drive it is never going to get any easier. Parking for example takes practice.
Go to a local supermarket car park and practice your parking. Drive for short distances every day to get your confidence up. Your children might very well need you to drive them somewhere in the future so you need to be prepared

MannersAreAll · 28/10/2025 20:15

People should be applauded for recognising that they don't have the spatial awareness (or other skills) to be safe and competent drivers. Not lambasted for it.

Driving standards are appalling and imo part of the reason is the push that everyone should drive.

Some people simply shouldn't drive.

BoredZelda · 28/10/2025 20:15

PeonyPatch · 28/10/2025 20:07

I am gonna go against the grain here, but I do feel sorry for people in couples who do all the driving. I can see his point. I think it ought to be a little bit more of an equal responsibility. My thoughts.

I agree. He had no need to be a twat about it but it can be a real pain in the arse if you have to do all the driving.

I’d be getting more lessons and improving my confidence.

olderandnonthewiser · 28/10/2025 20:15

There’s isn’t an excuse for being mean, but there isn’t one for you not sharing the driving.

If he hated laundry/cleaning/playing with the kids cos he found it hard I’d expect him to learn. Likewise I would expect you to practise til you can.

Btowngirl · 28/10/2025 20:16

PeonyPatch · 28/10/2025 20:07

I am gonna go against the grain here, but I do feel sorry for people in couples who do all the driving. I can see his point. I think it ought to be a little bit more of an equal responsibility. My thoughts.

I agree with this. Sorry OP, it’s not personal. But I grew up in a single parent family with no car and would never date someone who didn’t drive, I feel like it’s a life skill and would probably feel incompatible with someone who didn’t drive. We do lots of travelling and I would definitely resent being the only driver, it’s enhanced by the fact you can drive but don’t. Can’t you do a few refresher lessons to build your confidence?

Coconutter24 · 28/10/2025 20:16

You’ve got a license so you must have some driving capability and some special awareness. They don’t just hand licenses out to everyone. You obviously lack confidence which isn’t going to be helped by never driving. Why don’t you get some practice in to help with that?

strawgoh · 28/10/2025 20:17

Perhaps you could have some refresher lessons - with an emphasis on parking.

Practice makes perfect, and the less you drive, the harder you are going to find it.

Arlanymor · 28/10/2025 20:17

PeonyPatch · 28/10/2025 20:07

I am gonna go against the grain here, but I do feel sorry for people in couples who do all the driving. I can see his point. I think it ought to be a little bit more of an equal responsibility. My thoughts.

I agree with you. Lots of instructors offer lessons for nervous drivers that focus on the areas that make them the most anxious - really no different to the motorway lessons that some new drivers take once they have passed. Also what happens if he gets an injury where he can't drive? There would be no choice then would there? Unless there is a very specific reason why you can't drive then I think you should share the responsibility.

Splendidbouquet · 28/10/2025 20:18

If you don't ask for lifts from him and you manage your life quite competently without driving i don't see what his issue is, other than being downright nasty.

Especially as you do everything in the house and also work.

And to bring it up in front of your child and involve him is just wrong.

I passed my test when I was in my early twenties but I've literally never driven since then. And I manage my life perfectly adequately without driving and never ask any one for lifts.

I honestly don't understand your H's unpleasantness over this.

Calliopespa · 28/10/2025 20:18

MannersAreAll · 28/10/2025 20:15

People should be applauded for recognising that they don't have the spatial awareness (or other skills) to be safe and competent drivers. Not lambasted for it.

Driving standards are appalling and imo part of the reason is the push that everyone should drive.

Some people simply shouldn't drive.

This is what I think: there are much greater stakes than there are with most "household chores" - and seeing it as a chore is the main basis on which people seem to give non-drivers grief.

If you recognise you are not good at it, that's to be applauded not shamed.

ShesTheAlbatross · 28/10/2025 20:18

Have you had some additional lessons? Pay for some to just focus on parking?

He’s being unpleasant but I get where he’s coming from. DH can’t drive due to a medical condition and it is a lot doing all the driving. Every holiday, every kid’s birthday party, every day out, every shopping trip. DH is literally not legally allowed to drive so I don’t resent it, but if I felt like he hadn’t tried everything to be able to drive (like the additional lessons) I’d be pissed off tbh.

ETA - if you took extra lessons and still weren’t able to competently drive, that would be different because you’ve tried to solve the problem.

cestlavielife · 28/10/2025 20:18

Take some lessons in your car to feel more comfortable driving

Original poster
JustineTim · 28/10/2025 20:18

Sillysoggyspaniel · 28/10/2025 20:07

I think we need more detail. Does you not driving mean he has to always do shopping trips/be the designated driver/take you to appointments that are less accessible? If so then yes, you need to practice and gain confidence.

That's what I mean maybe he has a point. But then again, he doesn't split the housework or the cooking. I hate cooking and I have never shamed him for not doing it. It's that, that really hurts.
I would love to be good and confident at driving and I do want to get better but don't know how which is why I asked him to help me with parking but he's not interested in being supportive which isn't surprising really.

OP posts:
MargaretThursday · 28/10/2025 20:19

The thing is though, the more you do it, the more confident you get and the happier you'll be driving.

When I first passed my test I joked I was going to work out the routes so I only ever did left turns. Every journey at that point felt like a risk. But gradually it got so I felt more confident, and now I don't think about driving - I still tend to make sure I know where is a good place to park if I'm going to stop, but it doesn't send me into panic if I need to find somewhere else.

And I can see where he's coming from. Dh doesn't enjoy driving, so gradually it went from us sharing the driving to me doing almost all, definitely all the long journeys. Dh was driving for years before I passed, so he is perfectly capable.

Most of the time I don't mind, but it would be nice if he didn't assume I will drive. It means that if there's a reason that I don't want to or can't drive, then I have to make sure he's aware of this. It makes me feel like I'm asking him if he would be awfully nice and do this favour, rather than "hey, it's your turn". He never objects; he knows that if I ask it's for a good reason, but that's how it makes me feel.

WallaceinAnderland · 28/10/2025 20:21

You do need to practise OP. Even parking will get easier the more you do it. Go to a large car park when it's not busy and practice reversing into spaces, etc. Once you get the hang of that move on to parallel parking. You can watch tutorials online, you don't need him to show you and it would be better if you were on your own anyway.

Swipe left for the next trending thread