Horrible text from ex

[Calendulaaria]

Today I wrote a quick text to my ex-husband (we have two children) just saying "Hey, what date will be you putting through the cs this month?" cs meaning child support.

I received this reply:

"The only reason you have this number is for emergencies for the kids. That's the only reason you can reach me right now. I'm not your friend. I'm not someone you can complain to. I'm a stranger. You don't know me and I don't want to know you.

If you have a problem you take it up with the appropriate place. the only reason I should have a message from you is if one of the kids is in hospital.

If I'm doing something you don't like go make a friend and talk to them about it."

Bit of background. I have not had any contact with him since September, when we were organising drop offs for the holidays. There's been no conflict. I have an active social life and don't understand the 'make a friend' part.

We have been divorced for many years. We broke up due to not being compatible. We argued a lot and he was 10 years younger than me and wanted different things in the end. When we broke up, he made life fairly difficult I guess, i.e. not having the kids, so I found it difficult to work full time, as he wouldn't help with care in the holidays etc. Say he would have them for the night work I found once a week, then back out that day, leaving me with no care. I have never had family to look after the kids, so it was just him and me. He was nasty in the early days, broke the front door in and called the small amount of child support he paid 'my wage he paid me to look after the children'. Because I have had the children for the past 11 years nearly full time, he has had time to build a successful career. I pay for (and always have) everything for the children, all clothes, school fees, out of school activities, musical instruments, daughter's first car and insurance etc etc.

The last 6-7 years there's been only contact about pick ups and drop offs. I've been friendly towards his new partner and always said hello and goodbye at drops offs.

Then I get this text today. It's so over the top. I'm feeling a bit alone and thought someone might relate or have a story to share.

I think I’d want to respond immediately with ‘I was texting to find out when you were intending to pay the CS this month to help me budget to ensure our children have everything they need for the next month. I have zero interest in your plans for the weekend, or in discussing my plans with you. But duly noted, I’ll stick to the official routes from here onwards. Great example of co-parenting and loving your children more than you dislike your ex 🙄’

But once I’d calmed down, I’d think a ‘😂 Duly noted’ would irritate him more, so I’d do that instead. And if the payment is so much as 4 minutes late, I’d be onto CMS.

Is he definitely paying enough now he's doing well career wise?

It is set by cms that was confirmed but direct pay (same as i have) not collect and pay. To change and report missing or underpayment you have to request a change of service to collect and pay.

You’ve done nothing wrong here and I would just reply with ‘Noted’ and nothing else.

Hopefully, not too many years of dealing with the idiot left for you!

So has Octobers money been paid?

Thank you x I guess I should feel lucky that I wouldn't think to write something like that to anyone. I'm just not that miserable. Poor bastard.

I'd just reply LOL get over yourself, I'll contact CMS and have it taken from your wages. I'd rather pay them to deal with you tbh.

He was contacting old female school 'friends' to meet up while we were married - I'd just had my second child and he was complaining to them that I didn't want to have sex with him. I saw the messages before he managed to meet up with any of them, but yes, Id say he's the cheating type.

"Okay. Like I said, when will you be putting through the CMS this month?"

Why? He owes her money for his children. The payment is late.

Yes, I think so, but obviously he is resentful having to pay for things for his own children.

I would not reply and go to CMS - he has asked to be contacted only if they are in hospital, OK.
BUT, I would remember, oh boy would I remember. There will be a time where you have info re your children that he absolutely should know. I don’t know what it will be but there will. At that point I absolutely would not contact him. Then when he inevitably complained I would quote that back at him and state the children were not in hospital so you had no means of contacting him. Revenge is best served cold.

Just ignore. Anything you say will just fan the fire. No contact is best for your peace of mind.

I wondered the same thing

No, it hasn't. I wasn't sure if he was leaving it until the end of the month now. I guess I'll wait and see.

Is Octobers payment late or were you checking for Nov? If it's late I liked the response pp suggested above saying you didn't answer my question, CS is late this month, when will I receive it.

Forgot to add. If he uses that nr to contact you about ANYTHING, I would reply. You have been clear this is your emergency number only. Please provide contact details for me to get in touch if you wish to discuss ‘x’

Absolutely love this ❤️💐💐💐💐

How old are your children? Hopefully you'll soon get to the stage when you don't contact him even in an emergency. Because if he nurtures their relationship properly well hey he'd know something was up. Do you cut him any slack at all on cs? Don't, get as much as possible and do everything through official channels. I wouldn't respond, however if he ever ask you anything c&p that response back. He's a very nasty arsehole. And he'll burn in hell

Only 4 years to go!

Id reply: "Did you mean to send that to me?"

What an a hole

This, definitely x

His message is pathetic ..still trying to assert some kind of dominance. If he really meant what he said he say "paid on x" or "changed to y"...sorted no elaboration 100% business...he's tiny d*ck energy 😉💐 celebrate every day getting freer from this fool

Yes, October's is late

It's the 23rd, his payment is very late. I'd go to cms and have his payments taken straight from his wages.