Horrible text from ex

[Calendulaaria]

Today I wrote a quick text to my ex-husband (we have two children) just saying "Hey, what date will be you putting through the cs this month?" cs meaning child support.

I received this reply:

"The only reason you have this number is for emergencies for the kids. That's the only reason you can reach me right now. I'm not your friend. I'm not someone you can complain to. I'm a stranger. You don't know me and I don't want to know you.

If you have a problem you take it up with the appropriate place. the only reason I should have a message from you is if one of the kids is in hospital.

If I'm doing something you don't like go make a friend and talk to them about it."

Bit of background. I have not had any contact with him since September, when we were organising drop offs for the holidays. There's been no conflict. I have an active social life and don't understand the 'make a friend' part.

We have been divorced for many years. We broke up due to not being compatible. We argued a lot and he was 10 years younger than me and wanted different things in the end. When we broke up, he made life fairly difficult I guess, i.e. not having the kids, so I found it difficult to work full time, as he wouldn't help with care in the holidays etc. Say he would have them for the night work I found once a week, then back out that day, leaving me with no care. I have never had family to look after the kids, so it was just him and me. He was nasty in the early days, broke the front door in and called the small amount of child support he paid 'my wage he paid me to look after the children'. Because I have had the children for the past 11 years nearly full time, he has had time to build a successful career. I pay for (and always have) everything for the children, all clothes, school fees, out of school activities, musical instruments, daughter's first car and insurance etc etc.

The last 6-7 years there's been only contact about pick ups and drop offs. I've been friendly towards his new partner and always said hello and goodbye at drops offs.

Then I get this text today. It's so over the top. I'm feeling a bit alone and thought someone might relate or have a story to share.

Playing devil's advocate - maybe it wasn't from him but a jealous partner? Stranger (much stranger) things have happened.

Send him the thumbs up emoji and go through CMS

probably best not to reply. Although I’d want to reply “u ok hun?” 😂😂

Text back You OK hun ?

Why did you text today specifically? Surely you could have waited until early next month.

he shouldn’t have spoken to you that way, but I do get where he’s coming from.

😂

What a drama queen?

Thank you, he tends to dump rather than try to sort things out. When we were together he argued just to win, not to try to understand and come to an agreement. Obviously he hasn't changed. Nice reminder that I did the right thing, I guess.

She's not currently using CMS. But I agree, using CMS would mean dedication at source and a scheduled date of payment which would be better all around.

I would agree, except I think she's nicer than him! She's nice to the kids anyway and seems a fairly normal person. He's really not lol

😂

I think you said it is already calculated by CMS (the old CSA). So you can notify them on the portal if payment is more than 5 days late from the monthly payment date on your annual review letter. They may decide to move to collecting it directly from him (he won’t have the choice if they decide to do that).

So this month's payment is late? Money troubles?

That's the only reason I can think of... it's not like your text was trying to be his friend - it was asking when you'd get the cs!

“Noted.”
Next text-
”Emergency- I need to buy food for your child. When will you pay the child support?”

He sounds like a piece of shit, you did well divorcing him! Try not to let him get you down. If he doesn't come up with the child maintenance soon it might be worth going through the cms. 💐

Ooo, him and her must have had an argument.

Before I got to the end I was thinking new partner, because that message reads like it wasn't primarily for your to read, but to show someone else.

Is he the cheating type? Has been been using you as a scape goat for messaging/calls with other people?

Anyway, I liked 'agree with all you say. When are you putting money in?'

Or yep no problem, when you putting the money in?

Or 'Are you ok?. When you putting the money in?'

Either way I don't see that you did anything wrong.

You're right, he's not worth the text. I'm just going to go through CMS and not reply to him (as much as I want to!)

I'd reply:" I can't agree more. Next time please pay on time and I won't ever have to contact you again".

Don’t feel bad about it. Turn it around in your mind and feel sorry for him. What an unhappy sad life he must have to spew such unpleasantness for no reason. You have the full and emotionally rewarding life and the love of your kids and friends. Be proud of all you have achieved and who you are and pity him for all he has chosen to miss out on.
Not easy but empowering!

was this months payment late?

I don't know what the weird thing about me getting a friend was! I think he could be having money troubles, he was never good with money....

It normally comes through in the first week of the month, so I thought I'd check in to see if it was going to be a certain date this month.

If he’s told you not to text him, if you continue you may be classed as harassing.
I would email or send a recorded delivery letter saying that at the time of writing you have not received a cm payment for him and to avoid the need for correspondence or conflict you’d like cm on a specific day so you can plan for children, I suggest 5th of the month. Please can he confirm if he’d prefer another and that he’ll set up a standing order and please reply within two weeks.
if you have not had this confirmation from him by the end of the calendar month then you will register with child maintenance service.

Ps he’s an awful human