Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Horrible text from ex

454 replies

Calendulaaria · 23/10/2025 12:12

Today I wrote a quick text to my ex-husband (we have two children) just saying "Hey, what date will be you putting through the cs this month?" cs meaning child support.

I received this reply:

"The only reason you have this number is for emergencies for the kids. That's the only reason you can reach me right now. I'm not your friend. I'm not someone you can complain to. I'm a stranger. You don't know me and I don't want to know you.

If you have a problem you take it up with the appropriate place. the only reason I should have a message from you is if one of the kids is in hospital.

If I'm doing something you don't like go make a friend and talk to them about it."

Bit of background. I have not had any contact with him since September, when we were organising drop offs for the holidays. There's been no conflict. I have an active social life and don't understand the 'make a friend' part.

We have been divorced for many years. We broke up due to not being compatible. We argued a lot and he was 10 years younger than me and wanted different things in the end. When we broke up, he made life fairly difficult I guess, i.e. not having the kids, so I found it difficult to work full time, as he wouldn't help with care in the holidays etc. Say he would have them for the night work I found once a week, then back out that day, leaving me with no care. I have never had family to look after the kids, so it was just him and me. He was nasty in the early days, broke the front door in and called the small amount of child support he paid 'my wage he paid me to look after the children'. Because I have had the children for the past 11 years nearly full time, he has had time to build a successful career. I pay for (and always have) everything for the children, all clothes, school fees, out of school activities, musical instruments, daughter's first car and insurance etc etc.

The last 6-7 years there's been only contact about pick ups and drop offs. I've been friendly towards his new partner and always said hello and goodbye at drops offs.

Then I get this text today. It's so over the top. I'm feeling a bit alone and thought someone might relate or have a story to share.

OP posts:
Wildgoat · 23/10/2025 12:15

ok well I’d say if divorced many years then no need to revisit the shitty relationship.

was he late in payment or something, why did you text and ask? He doesn’t want contact from you so respect that, but if he’s late in payment then either go via cms or text saying it’s late.

Happy9 · 23/10/2025 12:16

Pmt mate he's obviously having a bad day I'd send back""whatever love" "bit over the top response for a simple text!!

Comefromaway · 23/10/2025 12:17

It sounds like an auto reply he has copied and pasted from somewhere.

Are his CS payments through the CSA or a private arrangment?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Relationship problems
MaggieBsBoat · 23/10/2025 12:18

Text back ODFOD

RealityChecksNeeded · 23/10/2025 12:18

Ignore the arsehole. This is his 'stuff'. You've done nothing wrong.

If CM doesn't come through, go through CMS.

BigBoots67 · 23/10/2025 12:18

What a fucking wankstain honestly. was hardly a big ask!

TheCurious0range · 23/10/2025 12:18

I think he's reacted to you seemingly chasing for money, does he usually pay on time? If I regularly paid something on time and got a chaser I wouldn't be very happy about it. I wouldn't be as rude as that but ultimately you have no relationship other than logistics/emergencies to do with the children and this wasn't logistics or an emergency

NewtonsCradle · 23/10/2025 12:19

That's a disgraceful way to communicate with you. It is all provocation and zero response to your enquiry. I think you shouldn't text again but have a word at the next drop off, words to the effect of, 'I would appreciate straight forward answers to straight forward questions any more silliness and we will have to communicate with a third party (which will cost money).

OrlandointheWilderness · 23/10/2025 12:20

Is his CS late? Does it vary when it comes through month to month at all? Had he form for being awkward with it?

SevenYellowHammers · 23/10/2025 12:21

Quite wordy isn’t it ? Did he get ChatGPT to write it I wonder. I’d just reply: “Agree with all you say. When are you putting money in?” And once that’s sorted, give the sorry little prick not one iota of thought .

Anonymous23456 · 23/10/2025 12:21

Go through CSA. He's a nasty wanker. Best take payments out of his hands.

Broadbeansaresleepinginablanketybed · 23/10/2025 12:21

Probably showing off to someone and hasn't shown the text he was replying to. Unless he's paying over CMS just reply saying 'no problem, I'll discuss it with CMS'. Obviously remind him of this text next time he wants to change days.

WallaceinAnderland · 23/10/2025 12:22

In a way he's right. Did you really need to contact him direct. Can't you go through CMS?

Mum2twoandacockapoo · 23/10/2025 12:23

Hugs 💐
I don’t have much advice but I thought you could do with a bit of friendly support .

You haven’t done anything wrong he’s just an arse ! Give yourself pat on the back for doing what you do without his support .

Anonymous23456 · 23/10/2025 12:23

NewtonsCradle · 23/10/2025 12:19

That's a disgraceful way to communicate with you. It is all provocation and zero response to your enquiry. I think you shouldn't text again but have a word at the next drop off, words to the effect of, 'I would appreciate straight forward answers to straight forward questions any more silliness and we will have to communicate with a third party (which will cost money).

I think responding by text is best because at least there's a record of the wank ish communication.

Original poster
Calendulaaria · 23/10/2025 12:23

OrlandointheWilderness · 23/10/2025 12:20

Is his CS late? Does it vary when it comes through month to month at all? Had he form for being awkward with it?

It normally comes through early in the month, that's been the pattern for years. I just thought I would check in to see what to expect going forward, thought he might have switched to another schedule. Wasn't expecting that reply.

OP posts:
Irenesortof · 23/10/2025 12:24

Oh gosh. Roll on the day when your kids are independent and you don’t need to be in touch with him.

WarriorN · 23/10/2025 12:24

Just to be aware, a friend’s ex paid inconsistently and refused to discuss as a way to continue his control of her.

She needed up having to have him investigated and the investigators agreed that he was both being very unreasonable but also playing some tax evasion games so he didn’t have to pay as much.

you may have to keep records and complain via official routes if it’s very hap hazard

PflumPfeffer · 23/10/2025 12:25

Could the new gf have written it based on shite he’s told her about you? I used to have a male friend whose gf used to pull stuff like that with his phone/socials.

WarriorN · 23/10/2025 12:25

Calendulaaria · 23/10/2025 12:23

It normally comes through early in the month, that's been the pattern for years. I just thought I would check in to see what to expect going forward, thought he might have switched to another schedule. Wasn't expecting that reply.

Show quote history

other possibility is that he has money issues and is lashing out

NebulousSadTimes · 23/10/2025 12:25

I agree that you're better not to respond @Calendulaaria . He's obviously a very bitter little man. They'll do whatever they can to blindside and upset you. Best not to add any fuel to his rather lacklustre fire.

You've got this far without his support. Stick to official channels for necessaries to do with the children and put this down to yet another reason to be glad you're not still with him.

Flowers
Original poster
Calendulaaria · 23/10/2025 12:25

OrlandointheWilderness · 23/10/2025 12:20

Is his CS late? Does it vary when it comes through month to month at all? Had he form for being awkward with it?

It normally comes through early in the month, I thought he might have started a new payment schedule or something. I'll just go through CMS from now on.

OP posts:
WarriorN · 23/10/2025 12:26

Either way, unreasonable

Original poster
Calendulaaria · 23/10/2025 12:27

Comefromaway · 23/10/2025 12:17

It sounds like an auto reply he has copied and pasted from somewhere.

Are his CS payments through the CSA or a private arrangment?

It does sound like something like that, it's so dramatic. It's through CSA but he decides when to put the money in, they don't automatically take it from his wage, as he wouldn't sign those papers.

OP posts:
Piggieguinea · 23/10/2025 12:27

I think the "a bit over the top mate" message suggested above is ideal. I'd probably send it with a laughing emoji as well. I wouldnt bother getting serious with it.