My boy is off to University and it's breaking my heart.

[Slinky987]

Our family is dissolving.

It's killing me.

It’s painful but it’s the way life is. You wouldn’t want to end up with a 40 year old living in your basement gaming. Agree the end of an era of being an active parent is a real wrench though.

Yes. I know that.

Still making me cry!!

It is hard however it is also brilliant that your dc has been successful academically and is ready for the next stage.
Try and reframe it a bit. Maybe consider in the longer term what you might to do fill some of the time you have?

I know..

All this

It's still breaking my heart!!

I put a poetry book in one of his bags with a message.

In addition to the day to day sadness of not having them around it really pushes us up a bracket which is unsettling. You can no longer kid yourself you are a mid life parent of children.

Really remember a response on here where a poster asked what was the worst thing your child had done. Lots of funny anecdotes about general destruction and causing of embarrassment then someone posted “grew up and moved away”

Well, you can't help how you feel, but I hope you are extremely careful not to let any of this spill over onto your son.

My eldest has gone away to university, and of course I miss the very bones of her. A piece of my heart is out there in the world, making her own way. But I am so proud of her, so excited for her. I want her to soar. I want her to go out there and live a life that far surpasses my own. I am proud of myself too for raising a person who is brave and hardworking and ambitious.

If you're just having a dramatic 10 minutes then by all means, wallow away. But if this is genuinely how you feel about him taking an exciting step in his life, then I think you need to take some action to address and reframe how you feel. You don't want to risk marring his adult life with guilt about how taking normal, admirable steps in life nearly destroy his mother.

That is a huge burden for him to take with him when he goes OP.

Your family is not dissolving but you need to be careful not to make that a self fulfilling prophecy

My mother was like this. It destroyed me and all the things I wanted to do

Perfectly normal to have these feelings! My son went 5 weeks ago, a long way away. Home is quiet and we miss him. We go from seeing them every day to maybe a couple times a year. It’s a steep cliff. We had a chat today and I said it’s ok to tell me you’re struggling, and it’s ok to tell me that you’re having a great time and enjoying it, that we love him and miss him very much. Of course it’s a change and it’s not a 10min cry about and get over it situation. We’re humans. Support from a distance, keep in contact regularly. You will adapt and look forward to spending time with them when they’re home in the holidays, hearing about their adventures and celebrating their successes. Hang in there!

I really don't get this at all, OP.

I don't get the feeling like your family is dissolving comment.

That's very different to, "I'm going to miss him."

When mine went to university, It felt like the end of one era and the start of another - because it was. But I didn't cry about it. And it didn't feel like my family was disappearing in any way. Or I was losing them.

Op this is perfectly natural and normal, especially if you are a close family. It is heartbreaking.

i too cried so much the first year, but the semesters are so short, and he will soon be back - that’s the good news! They finish altogether for the year in May. Are home for weeks at Christmas. They have reading weeks they can come home for.

The summer is 4/5 months long. So hang in there.

if I had known how much they would be back I would have felt greatly comforted.

This will be the hardest part op from now to Christmas. So why not arrange to go and visit him there. Take a food parcel and see him October or early November.

In the meantime, stay busy, allow yourself to miss him and accept life has chanted and it’s hard, but he will be back!

You need to project positivity and support,not abandonment and gloom
Your family isn’t dissolving, it’s reconfiguring for a positive reason. Reframe how you see this for your son wellbeing
Women shouldn’t solely define themself via their children and /or role of mother. Practicability and emotionally one needs to be able to have other roles,other purpose. For ourselves for our children

Hopefully, a positive one!

Very!!

I'm not keening and wailing.

I'm just sad.

And no, of course I haven't been a dick about it.

Yes.

This is true.

Thanks.

That's what I'm doing.

I'm talking about my sadness here. Not with him!!

And I never defined myself by my chdren/relationships/motherhood.

These feelings have actually taken me by surprise.

Hence my thread.

Oh OP. You are grieving. Some people look forward and are excited by the next chapter. Others look back and feel loss acutely. You will be ok but it will take a few weeks. Take it gently don’t let him see too much of it. Be happy is is ready for this step. You are maybe a “giver” and local volunteering or similar may help fill this gap? Take care

I hid a book of poetry in his Waitrose shopping.

I agree with this. As someone whose mother made me moving to university all about her and her suffering, it’s not done our relationship a world of good!

Oof. I'm sad!!

We do share books a lot!!

& I've no idea why my photo is sensitive content!