My boy is off to University and it's breaking my heart.

[Slinky987]

Our family is dissolving.

It's killing me.

You feel this way because he’s your son, you gave birth to him, nurtured him, taught him right from wrong, and watched as he grew into a young man. Be proud of him and remember, he is only at the end of the phone. How you are feeling right now will ease in the weeks and months ahead 💐

OP you’re making me sad about my inevitable empty nest, and mine are 3 and 1

OP you’ve done a good job- you’ve raised a boy to a man who wants to be independent which is what we’re meant to do as parents.
The house is very quiet and tidy without them and it’s fabulous when they come home on holidays, and you are allowed to be sad for a time, but it’s good for them to fly the nest. 🙂

DS is at college but he's home at weekends which is nice. Stays with grandparents when at college. Means there's family to look after him. It's difficult seeing them growing up into adulthood but necessary to let them have independence.

We don't own our children. They aren't ours to keep. We have the privilege of raising them so they can can go off in to the world as productive, well developed adults and make a life for themselves. You have done your job and now DS is off to do his.

The comment about your family dissolving is ridiculous. Think about all the women who aren't able to have children, who have lost children or have children with disabilities and needs that mean they will never live independently. You are lucky beyond belief that you are reaching this milestone with your son and should be jumping for joy.

Your posts are rather melodramatic, OP...

I am sorry to say this but I find that so selfish.

I agree with the above, wallow away, I think it’s perfectly normal if you have a half-way good relationship with your child, particularly if they’re an “only’.

If it’s any consolation, (probably not, I’m sorry) @Slinky987, it’s been 12 years since mine left for university, and I’m STILL suffering from empty nest syndrome. That is probably partly because I am ill and retired and generally unhappy with my lot and so have time to concentrate on my empty nestiness. They are now leading a happy, independent life, doing well on their own terms and I just have to keep telling myself that I did a good job as a parent and gave them the wherewithal to be good at adulting. I’m sure you’ve done the same.

The alternative to them leaving is awful though. At home with you likely unhappy and living a limited life? We know several people whose older teen children are autistic and will struggle to live independently. I certainly don’t covet that.

Oh yeesh 🙄
you’ll have to just deal with it. Good chance he’ll meet someone and never come back. I did. And it’s just tough cookies.

It’s sad to see them go but it’s the way of the world and a lot of the alternatives aren’t just sad, they are heartbreaking.

I can compare because I have DD1, currently at uni and DD2 who stopped going to school in her final year and has been in and out of hospital with severe depression all summer. I’d take the going off to uni sadness anytime!

This.

Oh, gosh, I’m so sorry, @NoraLuka. Depression is a scourge. I hope your DD2 is getting treatment which helps.

Seriously? You sound as if this has come up at you out of nowhere. What did you think the last 18 years might be leading to? This is exactly the job of a parent, to get their children to a point where (absent any special circumstances) they are ready to leave and develop independent lives as adults.

I don’t want to sound unsympathetic - I have a child leaving to university today and of course they will be missed - but this is literally what the focus has been since the age of about 13 when making gcse choices. Not everyone goes to university, but generally speaking this is the age when wings start to be spread.

Don’t let your feelings be too extreme unhealthy or let them in any way affect your child. They do not need to see that you are struggling - let this be their moment, not yours.

No! I'm a very undemonstrarive person. So no, I won't be less good than I already am.

Thanks @Jaichangecentfoisdenom yes they are looking after her at the hospital and I’m sure she’ll be home soon but it does put everything into perspective!

Lmaoo what a nice problem to have. A lot of parents have children who may never go to university because of disabilities or various other reasons. Count yourself lucky.

Yes this is too much OP. You are being self centred , sharing these feelings with your child. You will spoil what should be a very happy time for them.
It‘s understandable to be sad and to miss them hugely but please try to project PRIDE and excitement as the main emotions.

I get you OP, I’ve been feeling a much stronger sense of loss than I would have expected.

All the rational/factual responses on this thread are of course correct but you’re talking about the emotional response.

to quote Buller, ': Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.'

You should have put this quote + the DVD in his bag instead.

It may be likely they end up back at home after uni. My 23 year old ds is back and he is saving money the best he can, no permanent job yet. He's just off travelling before his next contract starts. It is not good for him to still be at home, but with a low starter salary it's the best way of saving up.

I live in hope he moves away from us - as much as I love him, he can be a right difficult so and so!

I remember being a bit emotional when he left for uni, look after yourself and do things for you. Mine went during COVID and it was a big disappointment for him socially. Your ds will be at uni during normal times but I know it's hard to let go. You will adjust.

Why because you say so. Who are you to tell other parents what to do?

We have our children for a brief period in life. Then we have to let them go and it will never return to the life we once had together with them.
It's real heartbreak.

Believe it or not it's also real privilege. I'm not saying it's not horribly guttingly sad and should be acknowledged as such but real heartbreak belongs to parents who will never get their children or family life back in any form ever again.

My daughter is talking about when she goes and that makes me tear up. 3 years yet and I know she will be fine but she will be gone and hopefully setting out on her own path

My heart goes out to you @outofofficeagain and I can only send you a virtual hug, not words of comfort. My DD’s friend’s little brother died unexpectedly after a very short illness and it has broken the family. I still wonder about them when his peer group achieve age-related milestones whilst he will be forever 17.