My boy is off to University and it's breaking my heart.

[Slinky987]

Our family is dissolving.

It's killing me.

@Slinky987I feel exactly the same. It’s taken me by surprise. After 22 years of always having a son living in my house now it’s just me and DH. It’s an enormous transition, and feels very much like the end of the best part of my life.

I didn’t expect this as I always kept my own interests.

For me it’s an incredibly bleak, existential thought triggering time of life.

In the last week I’ve dropped my 18yo twins off in different cities, as well as 21yo going back for 4th year to another. My nest is fully empty for the first time in 20 years.

I’ve been hugely emotional in the run up to them going, spilling into tears at the slightest thing, despite having already done it once when eldest went 3 years ago (she’s had a year abroad too). It’s just so different the house being totally
empty and the parenting years are done 😭

Not used it yet.. I leave work and forget for a minute they’re not there waiting.

I see you x

@Slinky987

well, if that’s genuinely the case be happy at what an easy, privileged life you have had then.

@tryingtobesogood

well some do. Some emigrate to another country.

Yes!

It's a grief I've never felt. It's a pain I never expected.

I don't think we should do comparative pain.

I will never win and that means I can't be sad.

I'm allowed to feel hurt even though my life hasn't been informed by it.

And right now my heart is breaking in two.

I think it's ok to acknowledge that.

It’s tough but you do get used to it

It’s ok to feel sad but a bit weird to hide a poetry book in his food shopping. You do know that he’s never going to read it don’t you? An 18 year old lad will be off out enjoying himself not sitting reading a poetry book. I get it. We all get it. But the book and message are a bit cringe. I hope for his sake that none of his room mates see it.

on the plus side dc going to uni weans you off having them around, they go, you miss them, they come back, it’s great, they get used to not living with you so when they’re back it changes gradually, they’re more independent.

or they don’t go to uni and just suddenly move out one day to go live on their own/with friends/with partner and that’s it, they never come back.

uni is actually the easiest option

I get that.

I did not expect this.

I have another child, a husband I love and strong familial relationships.

It's blindsided me.

@Slinky987

yes, you’re allowed to hurt but perspective is also important…

Perspective is very important. My ds died 51 weeks ago. He won't be coming home at all. Yours will.

@Mikart

So sorry for your loss 💐

So sorry for your loss, I can't imagine how hard that must be for you.

Yes, perspective is needed in all these rites of passage moments with kids. Growing up and moving on to new horizons is what they are supposed to do & we all get used to it.

I actually feel really positive she’s having a fantastic and exciting time and meeting lots of new friends. I can’t find it in myself to be properly sad about that.

Slightly melancholic that a lovely life stage is over but also exciting for us as well.

@Slinky987 i think you are being a little melodramatic to be fair. Miss him yes, but celebrate he is happy and settled