Simon Harris on Facebook:
^Now I’m not an expert in ornithology, but I have doubts over Nigel Farage’s claim that migrants are eating swans in London’s royal parks.
If I was a migrant in London and really bloody hungry and desperate, I would most probably run into Greggs or similar, grab whatever and then leg it (I’m not saying that’s OK either by the way).
What I proabably wouldn’t do is go after one of the most insanely violent, arm-breaky wild animals you can find in the United Kingdom. Even if I did emerge victorious, how on earth would I get what is clearly a massive b***d swan past loads of fellow city folk and back to a place of safety without arousing suspicion? Perhaps tell people I’m preparing for a new Rod Hull tribute act and it was the closest match? And then even if I did somehow get my prize back to a kitchen, I would then have to prepare it in an oven the size of a Ford Transit while a friend frantically scans a Romanian translation of ‘Delia’s How To Cook’ for anything remotely similar to a swan.
Sorry Nigel. I’m calling bt on this one, and that’s before the response from The Royal Parks that there haven’t been any reports of knife and fork-wielding cygnisticidal maniacs on the loose recently.^