What do you prefer when buying a house?

[CVVFan]

I’m pretty sure I’m in the minority group that prefer either houses that are ready to move in or that are liveable for at least 2-3 years. I never buy based on a vision/project/putting my stamp on it.

We’re selling our house in 4 years, and quite frankly as much as it’s liveable for whoever buys it, it does look outdated.

I think we’re already on negative equity, so we think we’ll at least need to refresh the kitchen somehow (and possibly the bathrooms) the question is how much work is it sensible considering we’re selling it? The whole pint of the remedial work would be to sell it faster and not get cheeky offers because to some it might look more like a project than a liveable house.

Just want to clarify that the lack of sanctuary it’s not due to the house or any house for that matter, it’s the WFH.

so if you aren’t wfh, you’d be happy in this home and view it as your sanctuary?

i would say that would be the case yes.

I also think the alternative would be worse: lower pay, not as good career progression, etc…

But I thought storage was terrible? And that you had no where to store anything? And can’t do anything to the layout. And you “hate” the area.

you said you were desperate for space for all your stuff?

Yes, I would still find it annoying, but I’m aware my low level of tolerance is due to WFH.

i still very much dislike the region which is one of the reasons why we’re moving away.

what I’m trying to say is that I’ve lived in much “better” houses with not as many issues, and I still hated being “contained” in them.

Sounds to me like it is multi pronged

you have spoken at length about how zero storage and no where to store all your bags, shoes etc .

The thing is I have little love for my houses because I kind of see them as “prisons”, so obviously I see more flaws.

its a vicious cycle though, I don’t like being at home, so I don’t see spending on it a priority.

the other truth, is that I’ve lived this life for MANY years now, so I don’t know how much it will change with a different house and not WFH. I.e I’m used to go on bigger holidays or just being outside the house so I don’t how much I would like to stop doing that.

Last home I felt it was my sanctuary was my family home. I loved spending every single second I could in it, but I haven’t lived there in many, many years.

the other truth, is that I’ve lived this life for MANY years now, so I don’t know how much it will change with a different house and not WFH.

that depends. If you were unmarried, single, in your early twenties and no children - it would change hugely.

You are not though. You are in your forties, have dependent children, primary breadwinner, a pretty useless husband on NMW and limited funds. So more space and working in an office may alleviate things but completely overhaul your life and grant you the happiness was that you have been searching for 14 years? Unlikely and I think you need to accept that

I would hazard a guess that if you were to do huge clear out and tidy up and got organised… home life would be improved. I am imagining stuff everywhere and that would drive anyone around the twist and want to be out loads.

The honest answer is maybe. I can only compare it to a much bigger house that had a place for everything and I had a cleaner. I even had a mostly dedicated office (it doubles as a games room). it was also a house that to may would be idyllic, big rooms, sea views, a nice looked after garden etc…

I still disliked being at home l, so I’m pretty certain it’s not a house problem per se.

Why on earth did you move given there were 4 growing children involved?

I see you are getting assessed for a ND

I wonder whether it’s your own skin you don’t enjoy being in?

Different house, different setup, different husband!

That’s marrying a man on NMW with children who doesn’t value you, his breadwinner wife, enough to do the barest minimum (arrange garage conversion) for his wife.

Nope! As I’m totally in my essence when I travel for work.

in a previous job I had to have long stints abroad and I loved it. It almost felt like a holiday

So when you are away from your home and your husband and your children. That’s pretty depressing op

I feel it’s 50/50 in my industry. It even asked as an interview question once!

definitely have met plenty of peers that feel the same way.

no doubt an industry with the highest suicide rate of any professional if 50/50 feel like you do about your home and family life

why do you subject yourself and your children to your horrific mother for 3 months every year op? And to have her sharing with your young son AND your office???

My mother is actually ok with my kids. She was not the best mother, but she’s definitely a much better grandmother!

to me it’s important that they have a decent grandmother figure (which my mom is) as they really don’t have anyone else.

Not with her other daughter’s child

That’s from your POV, I mean I’ve actually never seen them together in the same room!

But doesn’t your mother know that her grandchild is living with a violent abusive man, but she doesn’t to do anything about it?

I was on that thread of yours Op, and it’s horrific.

And having read this thread, it is so sad to think what an awful childhood you endured and you’re now enduring life as an adult in a job situation for 14 years that you hate, in an area you hate, in a home that offers you no comfort and with a selfish pig of a man.

I can’t see a move to London and working in an office in 4 years time making a difference but you have pinned so much on it, and so I wish you well

When you see what a horrible upbringing she had, her actions can be understood (never justified). I do think she did her best given her circumstances.

She’s much better even though she refuses to go to any sort of therapy, she never will, but I can tell she’s improved over the years.

As for me, well I’ve had periods of fulfilment and happiness, right now, with all its imperfections is definitely one of the happiest for sure.

I feel really sorry for you op and genuinely hope that you 4 year plan (20 year!) comes through and delivers what you hope it will.