Do you judge people who have never left their home towns?

[Waferbiscuit]

Genuinely curious to ask if you judge people who have never left their home towns?

I grew up in a family of diplomats who had lived around the world. We were really encouraged to move away and experience life in other cities and countries. I appreciate that is a privileged mindset and an experience that is not available to all. But I think my parents really felt that staying in your hometown your whole life with a friend group/social milieu you made in primary school limited or 'fixed you' in that time and didn't give you opportunity to grow.

I get what they mean but I'm also aware that in the past humans basically stayed within their communities and, unless they were part of nomadic tribes, didn't really aim to move away. At the same time I've lived in places in the UK (towns in Scotland, the midlands) where people not only stayed put but wanted to live across the street from their mom and down the road from their aunties - which I find a bit too tribal!

I read a book called David Goodhart called The Road to Somewhere in which he sort of divides the UK population into 'Somewheres' and 'Anywheres.' Somewheres are very rooted in their community, place matters and they see the world through that community. Whereas Anywheres are more modern, educated internationalist types who basically aren't grounded in their community and will happily move about for the right jobs. Somewheres tended to vote for Brexit, Anywheres against Brexit. This is a simplistic summary of his book but I thought it was interesting.

Anyway, is the view that it's good to move away unusual or normal and do you judge people who never move away?

One of my siblings atill lives in the town in which we grew up. Her husband too. She’s very unadventurous - has never travelled beyond British isles and has never thought of living anywhere else.

Unthinkable to me, but she lives in a town that’s regularly voted one of the best places to live and her house is worth a fortune.

Well thats a very simplistic view of humanity.
People dont live in boxes or come with labels.
I know people that travel the world, from 5 star hotel to 5 star hotel and are the most stupid, small minded and quite frankly racist people I've ever had the displeasure of meeting.
They have a passport full of stamps but the emotional IQ of a wet flannel. Why, because they surround themselves by people that look like them, think like them and were educated like them.
Travel doesn't guarantee worldly knowledge.

It’s interesting. I lived in Paris & London in my 20s.
I came home, lived in central Dublin for 20 years.

Since having a family, I’ve moved back to my hometown.
I bump into people, old school mates etc, who never left.

Also have friends who went to London, wherever…
And never came home. They’ve been away 30 years.

It’s great to travel and see the world, move around. I’ve done it a lot.

The problem is you then often have no community. Certainly when old, community becomes much more important.

I judge myself for it! Unfortunately due to a series of misfortune (death in family, caring responsibilities, finances, kids with additional needs) i’ve not been able to live elsewhere, but i do plan to when i’m older. Thankfully i live in a lovely culturally rich capital and travel as much as possible, but yes i do regret not having been able to base myself elsewhere so far.

My DB still lives in the same town we grew up in, the big benefit is that if/when he needs ANYTHING doing, he's always got a mate who can help him out!

I was always determined to leave my home town but after many years away, a twist of circumstance has brought me back and I can’t really say I’m sorry. There’s something to be said about knowing an area like the back of your hand and being part of a community

But I think my parents really felt that staying in your hometown your whole life with a friend group/social milieu you made in primary school limited or 'fixed you' in that time and didn't give you opportunity to grow.
So yes, your parents were privileged and close minded to think that only their way of life is good.
How judgementally awful of them to come across that a well travelled, free loading trustafafian type has 'grown more' than say a heart surgeon who's always lived, studied and worked in say Glasgow and saved many lives, but yes they haven't 'travelled' and have a limited life....🙄 what tosh!

No, not at all. It's no one else's business really is it.

No - I envy them.

How much more peaceful life must be to be happy to spend your whole life in the place you were born vs always off looking for the next thing…!

No, I never judge because I'd be a hypocrite. I was born in London 47 years ago and have never left. ☺️

Yeah - I do - which probably makes me an arsehole! I guess I'm an anywhere. I've lived in masses of places and in five different countries. The people who never left my hometown (small, rural market town) or who stayed in my uni city and never went out into the big, wide world, I dunno, I just think 'What a waste of a life', but then it's their lives to waste. It's none of my business.

Re: people who travel loads and are still racist, xenophobic arseholes, yeah you get those too. But there's travel and there's travel. You can go all over and if you mind isn't open then you'll just go home feeling like everywhere is inferior to your little corner of wherever.

I don't judge people for that, no.

In my own circle, there's a mixture of people who left and people who stayed (or left briefly and went back). I think it is true that some people get a lot of comfort from living near their family and in a small place where they know everyone.

It's not for me, not at all, in fact the idea brings me out in a rash. But it's a happy life for some, and I don't find that it divides people easily in the way that book suggests.

No, not at all.

If I was a judgey sort of person I would be more likely to judge someone who felt themselves superior because they had left their home town.

live and let live.

I don’t judge them - but I couldn’t be my life. I would be miserable. But everyone is different and if they are happy why would I judge anyone.

Im not emotionally attached to anywhere and don't feel I need a community so I've lived all over the UK. I'd like to live abroad...retiring to SEA is high on my priority list.
Partner is similar and has lived abroad too.

Im equally fascinated and horrified when I hear of colleagues whose family live at least in same town if not the same street. It is so anathema to me...but that's more to do with me having a fucked up family than anything else.

I dream of a small holding and living rurally. Guess what ...I have the land and barn to do it. However I won't move there as it's next door to my mother and half brother.

No! Loads of people in my town have never left. Or went away for Uni and come back. It has an added advantage of having extended family nearby who help with childcare when they have children.

My DIL lives in the same town as her parents, though a bit of a drive away. She applied for jobs all over after she left uni, but was eventually offered a good job locally. It is also an area where house prices are relatively affordable so she and DS have a really lovely home!

No, All of my siblings live near our family home. My sister has lived in her house for 47 years. I do find it strange. They have complained about opportunities but only took the ones on their door step.

Of all the reasons to choose for an excuse to judge people, this one is really pathetic. By all means judge people for cruelty, illegal behaviour, immoral behaviour etc but to judge because they have a different lifestyle which means they don’t move around shouldn’t be one.

For what it’s worth, many adults linked to my old school judged many diplomats for opting to have a career that continually uprooted their child or meant that they had to board.

I think honestly the kicker is people who are unbearably smug about their lives... and in my experience there are some people who have never left our naice little town and never been challenged in any way and always had mummy and daddy's support and maybe work for the family business so never likely to get challenged or fired... and then they just become so, so, so PLEASED with themselves, always assume they are right about everything, when in fact they are quite two-dimensional and unempathetic. As an American friend said once, never act like you hit a home run when you started on third base.

But then gap yah types who start every other sentence with 'when i lived in me-hico / geneva / a straw hutted habitat for humanity village expressly build for privately educated students experiencing Life for six weeks are unbearable too.

Meh.

I think that is a very simplistic view too.

I live in a big City. I know many people who moved away - for jobs, for love, for University or other training - but then 'came home' because the other places they moved to were too quiet, or too limiting, or didn't have the opportunities and experiences they had in their home town.

There are SO many different factors to where you live, and also how you live which you aren't acknowledging.

To caveat - grew up working class and now mix with working/middle.
You get a mix of mindsets, but I've been around a lot more 'hometown' people who judge the 'away' people than the other way round. I've met 'hometown' people with a HUGE chip on their shoulder, to the point where if someone has moved out of the hometown, they immediately assume that the away person thinks they are better than them (the hometown person). Also, much more rudeness - the most I've really seen from an 'away' person is 'well it's a bit run down, my hometown' whereas I've seen plenty of hometown people go 'London? God why would you want to live there, we visited 3 years ago and it was so dirty and unfriendly, and it's so expensive, dont you feel like you're just pissing money up the wall' and thats not seen as rude at all because it's about a city! For context, hometown is semi rural.

It depends how strict you are on area - same town at most generation usually in our families but roughy same area more common.

We've moved all over UK for work as have many of our ancestors and older family members last lot emigrating in 60s durring economic down turn in both my parents families.

But with my immediate family my parents and siblings and IL are in roughly same area think same county or one next door but not the same town/village born in.

My parents settled near work and where they could buy - 45 min to hour drive from their parents and where they spent either all or some of their childhood but same county. I'm no where near but siblings are about 20-30 minute drive away in more urban part to where we grew up.

FIl mother family female line - which was traced back for him - would skip to next town over at least every couple of generation if not every one but still in roughly same geographical area - they moved very roughly further south and east every generation or so.

I did when starting a new job get taught at company's center by woman slightly older who satyed her whole life in same town - went to local not well known uni moved in with her bloke durring degree and was near both parents. People I was with did think that really odd and did look down on her - I didn't have much opinion on it either way.

Lots of reasons people stay in their home town.

they can still travel a lot and experience the world.

I don’t judge them I just have very little in common with them. I envy them in a way and sometimes I wish I was wired the same as them. My DH and I are always on the move. That’s why we are well matched.

I don’t agree that traveling as a tourist is the same as living in a place. IME living and working somewhere is completely different to just traveling there.