Do you judge people who have never left their home towns?

[Waferbiscuit]

Genuinely curious to ask if you judge people who have never left their home towns?

I grew up in a family of diplomats who had lived around the world. We were really encouraged to move away and experience life in other cities and countries. I appreciate that is a privileged mindset and an experience that is not available to all. But I think my parents really felt that staying in your hometown your whole life with a friend group/social milieu you made in primary school limited or 'fixed you' in that time and didn't give you opportunity to grow.

I get what they mean but I'm also aware that in the past humans basically stayed within their communities and, unless they were part of nomadic tribes, didn't really aim to move away. At the same time I've lived in places in the UK (towns in Scotland, the midlands) where people not only stayed put but wanted to live across the street from their mom and down the road from their aunties - which I find a bit too tribal!

I read a book called David Goodhart called The Road to Somewhere in which he sort of divides the UK population into 'Somewheres' and 'Anywheres.' Somewheres are very rooted in their community, place matters and they see the world through that community. Whereas Anywheres are more modern, educated internationalist types who basically aren't grounded in their community and will happily move about for the right jobs. Somewheres tended to vote for Brexit, Anywheres against Brexit. This is a simplistic summary of his book but I thought it was interesting.

Anyway, is the view that it's good to move away unusual or normal and do you judge people who never move away?

i guess i dont live in their town and i go visit places that they dont even think of, their minds are so focused on their immediate surroundings. seems bizarre to me, they have cars, they have money, go explore further afield

I sort of like the idea of being that rooted, but I don't feel it. I don't become that attached to places and I move on easily. I find the idea of a 'forever home' appealing in a romantic sort of way, but I think I'd still get itchy feet after a while. So no, I don't judge people for staying where they come from.

@OhNoNotSusan okay thank you

And how are you interpreting "diversity" and "culture" please?

I actually wanted to leave London from about age 29. Ended up leaving age 47. Mostly work related.

Just to clarify my own post

It took me 20 years to leave because of having to stay in London for work related reasons.

That was me who said about diversity and culture in London.

Where I live now is a shithole with nothing. People grow up on a few massive council estates and never leave. All they do is fight among themselves. Even the more middle class ones never leave.

We have had immigrant protests on the estates every weekend and it’s like watching a hoard of braindead zombies.

The difference to when I lived in other places is stark. There is little aspiration to do anything.

I probably shouldn't, but yes, I do judge people who never leave their home town. And feel a bit sorry for them.

Move somewhere else then.

The disdain from your sneeery post says more about you than it does about the people you look down upon.

For the record, I left where I grew up at 21 to move over 200 miles away, and have lived in a couple of other cities, so I am not being defensive. I just don't feel superior about it as you very clearly do

i feel like we’ve read a different post to be honest. There’s more sneer in yours.

My family is very much like this. I grew up with my entire extended family living within a 3 mile radius... in a village that our ancestors had probably occupied since the Dawn of Time. It wasn't too bad when I was little, but got suffocating when I was older, as there was no privacy whatsoever, and you couldn't go out without running into a relation or someone (who was probably related) who knew your entire family history. To be fair, a lot of the same families have stuck around there for generations... and most who venture elsewhere return (it's like the Curse of the Village... thou shalt never escape!) so I don't judge people who never move away, but I think it's a bit unadventurous to never try.

I have family members who don't leave the village on a daily or even weekly basis. They've grown up there, obtained jobs there, settled down and brought families up there, and they'll die there.

My grandfather would be spinning in his grave to know that his two grandchildren escaped from the village, and at least one never intends to return!

I just don't think people should judge others for not moving away from where they grew up.

I don't judge people who have never left their home town (even though I have moved away before, and then back to my home town, then moved abroad for awhile, and then moved back to my home town, and then moved to another town 38-40 miles away, where I live now.)

I do judge rude and judgemental people who judge other peoples life choices though. I think there is an element of jealousy for people who have close communities, family closeby, and a 'village' to support them. (And the fact they are happy and content in their home town.) And the nastiness comes out in people who are resentful towards them, with barbed comments, saying how they don't 'get' why people never leave their home town.

I find something very cosy, romantic, endearing, and charming about seeing someone who still lives in the house they were born in/grew up in, (or the same road,) and they're now 93.

Most people who never left their home town, still travel. They just have everything they need in their home town to make them happy. I had wanderlust and moved away a few times and travelled, and I only left my home town and moved 40 miles away, when I had nothing else there. Parents/family passed away or moved away, and friends had moved on and left. I still see old friends and family now and again though. We're only an hour or two away from each other! And my DC are half an hour's drive away. In a different town again!

I yes, I forgot about the villagers know everything about you! Last time I stopped in my village (have passed through a few times) bumped into someone, who knew everything about me, spoke to me like I was a child. Perhaps it's different if you live in a town.when I was a child in the 50s, my gran,aunts, uncles cousins all lived in the same road,in a village, but the menfolk had never learnt to drive,so that was normal then..

@Gerardormikey @OhNoNotSusan

really sorry about the mixup

@Gerardormikey that sounds like an issue of poverty, no hope etc

I think ignoring millions of somewheres has a lot to do with all the discontent and problems in this country. And clearly a lot of people actually look down on them. That's been obvious since Brexit.

We talk about racial divisions and class divisions but I think the somewhere/anywhere is another one where the two sides can struggle to relate to each other.

I think it's also hard for families that have always been somewhere to work out what to do the first time a child becomes an anywhere. It can be a tough adjustment for the transitional generations.

I'm glad they're happy TBH - nothing wrong with liking where you are.

It's not for me, but my sister moved to the next town, and has spent 15 years getting her house and garden just right for her - it's a lovely life - vs. me who's spent the time moving from country to country living out of suitcases in rented accommodation - which was a lovely life for me too - horses for courses and all that.

I'd only judge if someone was then complaining that they didn't have something I have - when the only reason I have it is I did all the moving around.

I don't think I'd use the word "judge" but I think that people who stay in their home towns are really missing out and do become "blinkered" to what's out there. And that's speaking as someone who basically did that, certainly in terms of homes and work.

My family were very insular and things like moving away to get work, foreign holidays, even university, just weren't talked about during my teenage years. It was just "expected" that I'd go to the nearest comp, maybe the local college, get some kind of "local" job, and then ultimately move and marry locally. It's what both my parents had done, as had their parents/grandparents before them. Moving away for work/uni was just something that "other people" did.

I got the urge to travel so we at least did a lot of foreign holidays in my 20's all over the World. But unfortunately, we never moved out of our home area to live somewhere different nor work more than daily commutable distance. Now approaching retirement, we're pretty keen on relocating at least to a different part of the UK.

My sister just never moved on at all, nor did her family. She still lives close to our childhood home, still works in the same place she started working at nearly 40 years ago within walking distance of home, only been abroad once, doesn't even holiday in the UK, and the most she does are day trips locally! Her son and daughter are the same, even though only in their 20's they have a very blinkered view of life, both live close to their mother, both work in the same town, etc. None of them are particularly happy as there are no decent employers (it's a crap run down seaside town with no industry etc). They just don't seem to have any impetus to move away nor explore other areas at all. Not even willing to drive 30 minutes or so to get better jobs in our nearest city.

We've been far more "pushy" with our son throughout his childhood as we didn't want him to miss out on travel and opportunities outside of our home town. He went to a much better state school which was a bit of a journey in the next town, but well worth it as he got excellent qualifications. We'd started discussing Uni in his early teens, to "condition him" into thinking about leaving home and moving away, which he did. During Uni, we likewise talked to him about exploring employment options in London and other big cities, which he did and moved straight to a new city upon leaving Uni. Now he's been there a couple of years, he's just got a new job and is moving to London. During his last couple of years, he's been all over, not just in the UK for various things like going to Silverstone on his own, several trips on his own to London, Bristol, Edinburgh for various events, but also with Uni, school and work colleagues on holidays and short breaks abroad. He's certainly "out there" compared to the rest of our immediate family! And he's a better person for it - really taking advantage of lots of new opportunities, making loads of new friends, doing new hobbies, etc.

Rather than "judging" those who don't venture far, I think I feel more a matter of sadness as to "what could have been", as the people I know who've not left their home towns tend to be a lot less happier and nearly all regret not seeing more of the World or poor employment opportunities, etc. Most of that stems from living and working in a run down crap ex-seaside town that desperately needs regeneration as it's basically full of "undesirables" living in manky bedsits who've been transported in from other parts of the country to fill the empty bedsits (ex boarding houses), like many other UK run down seaside resorts. So a lot of it is the place itself - I don't think there'd be the same blinkered/unhappiness from people still living in their home towns if they were living somewhere upbeat and prosperous like London or some of the other vibrant big cities.

I probably do judge if I’m being honest.

A very old friend of mine stayed in the very small area she grew up. She hates travelling, she finds everywhere ‘busy’, she rushes home from everywhere and worst of all she discouraged her kids from the very idea of travelling.

@BadbadbunnyThis is so true, it really depends on what your hometown is - big difference between small, dead town and a big, dynamic city.

I’m sort of an “anywhere”, but not really through choice. My parents moved me away to the Uk when I was a teen. But I didn’t like the town we moved to and never really felt like I fitted in with the locals, so I moved away for uni, and then several times for jobs, also lived elsewhere in Europe for a while.
That lifestyle has its advantages and I think it has made me more adventurous/broad minded etc. but it’s come at a cost. I’ve always been quite insecure and anxious because at heart I’m actually a creature of habit and value community, extended family and long term friendships. It’s hard to have that when you move around a lot.
I still feel nostalgic for my home country and home town and am still friends with my childhood friends. Some of them have never moved away and still live in the same neighbourhood. I do notice that they’re a lot more limited in their worldview and parrot the rhetoric from my home country’s equivalent of Reform and are generally quite suspicious of outsiders. Whereas the ones who’ve lived abroad aren’t like this.
I don’t know, I think there’s pros and cons to both being a “somewhere” and an “anywhere”, but maybe the best of both worlds is to go away for a while and then come back to home town.

Having moved city twice, one of the things we missed out on was having family nearby when DD was born.

Also, I feel a little envious when I read on MN about people who have been friends since primary school. I am Facebook friends with people I went to school with, but haven't seen them for years as we live hundreds of miles away.

I don't judge anyone whose home remains in the town, village or city they grew up in.

What I feel sad about is where people in reality have little or no choice but to move, because of lack of opportunities.

I don’t judge people for this, no. I left my hometown at 18 and never returned - partly because I never liked the place, mostly because of career reasons and wanting to experience different places before putting down roots.

I have two life long best friends, one never left our hometown and is raising her own family there now. The other lived internationally for 15 years and only just moved back to a different part of the UK this year. Everyone has different reasons and experiences. I think there can be an element of anxiety for some people when it comes to just sticking with what they know, but not always.

My DH lived in the same city all his life and only moved away recently when we upsized. It’s a fantastic city so I think that makes a difference too, whereas if there isn’t much going on then it makes sense why people move from there. Property prices etc too.