Do you judge people who have never left their home towns?

[Waferbiscuit]

Genuinely curious to ask if you judge people who have never left their home towns?

I grew up in a family of diplomats who had lived around the world. We were really encouraged to move away and experience life in other cities and countries. I appreciate that is a privileged mindset and an experience that is not available to all. But I think my parents really felt that staying in your hometown your whole life with a friend group/social milieu you made in primary school limited or 'fixed you' in that time and didn't give you opportunity to grow.

I get what they mean but I'm also aware that in the past humans basically stayed within their communities and, unless they were part of nomadic tribes, didn't really aim to move away. At the same time I've lived in places in the UK (towns in Scotland, the midlands) where people not only stayed put but wanted to live across the street from their mom and down the road from their aunties - which I find a bit too tribal!

I read a book called David Goodhart called The Road to Somewhere in which he sort of divides the UK population into 'Somewheres' and 'Anywheres.' Somewheres are very rooted in their community, place matters and they see the world through that community. Whereas Anywheres are more modern, educated internationalist types who basically aren't grounded in their community and will happily move about for the right jobs. Somewheres tended to vote for Brexit, Anywheres against Brexit. This is a simplistic summary of his book but I thought it was interesting.

Anyway, is the view that it's good to move away unusual or normal and do you judge people who never move away?

I lived in the city I was born in for th first 40 years of my life. My whole family still live there and in close proximity. I left for uni as a mature student and never went back After doing a doctorate and being offered a job I remained in the uni city and still live here.

I have travelled extensively including a year living and working in the USA. I have travelled solo thoughout the middle east which gave me a cultural perspective on how people live there. I follwed the law and the dress code when I visited their lands. I had to pay for a visa and in one case get a letter from my employer stating that I had a job to return to. I did not disrespect their religion or criticise their government.

However I do not necessarily want people from those countries rocking up to live as my neighbours. Some come to live here and bring their language, dress and cultural orientation with them, without attempting to integrate. This does not feel like my country any more. Im glad I will probably not live much longer.

What a great post @SeaAndStars

the feeling of belonging, of home, of seeing the things my mum and her mum laid their eyes on every day and the walking down streets my dad did is a powerful, heartfelt thing.

This really resonates. My children played on the same beaches my mum and dad played on in the 1950s. (And probably my paternal Grandfather too). There is something really special about it that is so hard to explain. I feel we belong here.

I judge people for feeling superior because they have lived in several different countries and who sneer at people who don't live anywhere other than their home town/village.

Agree with this.

Also, excellent post by @SeaAndStars

The most broad-minded, generous, open woman I know, who is clued into the smallest details of British and American foreign policy, has lived in a tiny hamlet in Herts all her life. She’s been abroad to holiday but her base has been here all her life. I think the stability and lack of “excitement” in her daily life gives her space for intellectual freedom and the time to read and think. She’s amazing and I admire her a lot.

I have two close friends who live minutes from the houses they grew up in. One who's parents were upset that her new house is more than a five minute walk away.
In both cases they are very close with their parents and other family who all live in walking distances. They spend lots of time together and all get on well. Cousins are friends with each other always got lots of family around. They love being together and it works for them.

Whatever make you happy is my philosophy. I'm a bit of an anywhere person but I've had to chase my career around the country a bit and I also was escaping my home town (even though my home town is a place lots of people would love to live) because I had some rough teenage years with bad friendship groups/relationships and uni gave me a fresh start.

I've now settled 100 miles from where I grew up and will probably stick here now I have the dream (project) house and DC to think about. Both my husband and I have family and friends who never left the vicinity of their home town, but if they're happy then live and let live, I don't look down on them. My Mum even came to live nearer me when I had a baby and put down roots Even though she'd lived in our home town for 70+ years. I wonder what my own DC will do. 😊

@SeaAndStars I also moved away but now live in a cottage close to where I grew up. Lots of family close by. I recently discovered that my lovely granny used to visit my cottage as a young girl to play with a friend who lived here. I can’t explain how special that feeling is.

I lived a 15 min walk from my family home for about a decade & now live a 30 min drive but lived is way for uni. I'm a Londoner though and don't fancy anywhere else.

"As an American friend said once, never act like you hit a home run when you started on third base."

Oh, I love that.

I feel envious of people who have been able to stay in their home area and keep close and happy connections to family and friends. I get pangs of wistful homesickness whenever I return for an event. But I think I enjoy them so much because I don't live there now so it's nostalgic for me. If I hadn't moved away, I am sure I'd wish that I had. Some of us had to move away in the 80s for work. We really did have little choice.

I agree that people judge those who stay in their hometowns but this Somewheres vs Anywheres theory is far too simplistic especially in the current economic climate.

DH and I have had to move back to the small town we grew up in despite there being 100s of places we’d rather be. We simply couldn’t afford a mortgage where we were living or the full time childcare costs we’d have if we didn’t have family helping out.

But then maybe that’s the point. I suspect some people I know who did succeed in moving away judge those of us who couldn’t afford to leave as much as they judge those who didn't even want to.

There’s definitely a classist tinge to it either way. I doubt anyone judges the people who stay in their naice towns or buzzing capital cities or considers them narrow minded for not leaving their homes and families behind.

That's pure magic and has given me tingles @Pixiedust49. If you unearth a marble or an old doll's shoe whilst gardening you'll have to wonder if your dear granny ever held it in her hand.

We’re ‘anywhere’s and so are our adult children.

I do judge ‘a bit’ people who just stay in the town in which they grew up.

Personally with dc I found it really helpful
to be close to family.

This is a really interesting concept. I’m an anywhere who is judged heavily by my somewhere parents. They see my moving away as a rejection of them and all they hold dear. I admit that I do slightly judge my friends who have never moved, though, and I’m now reflecting on why that is.

Do people judge Londoners who stay in London?

Travelling only improves the mind if the mind is already open. Some people see more in a 100 metre walk than others do on a world cruise.

So true.

I suspect anyone ‘judging’ a ‘somewhere’ is considerably more narrow minded than they’d like to admit. As if there’s only one way to be a person who still lives where they grew up

I agree. They just want to feel superior.

Depends on the town. I grew up in a town with very poor schools and limited opportunities. I moved away at 18, and while it hasn't been easy having no local suport, me and the kids have access to loads of thing that just weren't an option where I grew up. My sibling still lives there and while they're doing alright, I can't help but feel their own children would have much better prospects if they moved them elsewhere.

People who grow up somewhere nice and decided to stay, I don't judge, just think lucky them.

I used to judge people who stayed in my (very economically deprived) hometown. Several girls I grew up with had kids really young and ended up on benefits, living round the corner from their Mums. At the time I felt a bit sorry for them as well as judging their life choices. I suppose I thought 'if I can get away from here, anyone can.' Without realising not everyone wants to escape their hometown and of those who might want to leave, not everyone has the opportunity. Now I'm older and more aware of social dynamics, people's responsibilities and different kinds of inequality, I no longer judge and feel a bit ashamed that I used to do so.

No, because London has everything and to be born in London (or in many lovely, well-connected towns in the SE) is to win the lottery of life IME.

I'm one of the few on this thread who will admit to feeling a bit judgey about people who stay in their small town and never move, but London isn't a small town. The small town I come from has nothing - very limited job opportunities, no nice shops, no nice restaurants, nothing much to do of any note whatsoever - I couldn't wait to leave and would never move back. But if I'd been born in London I'd probably still be there.

A lot of people do just stay in their pocket of London for the majority of their time though if that makes sense which to me isn't that different to staying in another town et.

I don’t judge them but I’m more likely to find them boring and wouldn’t want to be one of them, I’ve enjoyed living in a variety of different places.

Yes, I do.

I think of them as small-minded and lacking imagination.

Some of us could never walk on same streets/play on the same beaches as our parents or grandparents as every generation has moved. I think if your parents moved for work/education/to escape, it's normalsed for your family. My parents both moved away (relatively, in pre-car ownership days), their children have moved away, one set of my grandparents emigrated and one set of great grandparents (other side). Of uncles who emigrated, their children and grandchildren have mostly emigrated as well. I think, generalising massively,you're probably a Somewhere or an Anywhere because that's normal for you.

at work i am the only one from the county
although i moved away in my 20s but came back to have my family. i live half an hour from where i was born, half an hour from where i grew up, a different place, and 45 minutes from where i work.
i think some work mates came down with their families, so a bit different and of course some left their families to come to this county to start their own families.

I personally can't imagine being satisfied with being in the same place my whole life. I think it's very dull, and in my experience the people who do that are a bit boring and seem very easily pleased with very little, but maybe that's a nice way to live? It just isn't for me. I hated my home town and couldn't wait to leave it, I go back occasionally to visit people and it's really such a backward place and the people who stayed have no ambition at all, their worlds are very small and they are mostly in pretty badly paid dead end jobs. It's a shame as some were very talented but have stagnated.
I met two sisters recently whose entire family all live in the same suburb of a town, not even just the same town, and were very proud that all of them live in the same few streets. I nearly died of suffocation just thinking about it!