Do you judge people who have never left their home towns?

[Waferbiscuit]

Genuinely curious to ask if you judge people who have never left their home towns?

I grew up in a family of diplomats who had lived around the world. We were really encouraged to move away and experience life in other cities and countries. I appreciate that is a privileged mindset and an experience that is not available to all. But I think my parents really felt that staying in your hometown your whole life with a friend group/social milieu you made in primary school limited or 'fixed you' in that time and didn't give you opportunity to grow.

I get what they mean but I'm also aware that in the past humans basically stayed within their communities and, unless they were part of nomadic tribes, didn't really aim to move away. At the same time I've lived in places in the UK (towns in Scotland, the midlands) where people not only stayed put but wanted to live across the street from their mom and down the road from their aunties - which I find a bit too tribal!

I read a book called David Goodhart called The Road to Somewhere in which he sort of divides the UK population into 'Somewheres' and 'Anywheres.' Somewheres are very rooted in their community, place matters and they see the world through that community. Whereas Anywheres are more modern, educated internationalist types who basically aren't grounded in their community and will happily move about for the right jobs. Somewheres tended to vote for Brexit, Anywheres against Brexit. This is a simplistic summary of his book but I thought it was interesting.

Anyway, is the view that it's good to move away unusual or normal and do you judge people who never move away?

I’m an Anywhere, I suppose. And I actually think there’s a lot to be said for living very close to your family. Of course, this only applies to people who love their family and their town - it’s very different if you live in a poverty-stricken place surrounded by relatives you hate. But if you love your town and your parents and siblings - that’s ideal! You can still travel if you want to 🙂.

I don't know their circumstances, but I do think their world must seem small. I can't imagine.

I envy people that are so content with who they are and where they are from that they want everything to stay as is.

I did move away for uni and work but came back 🤷‍♀️ it’s nice living in an area where I have close family and friends.

I grew up in a nuclear family with no local family and it wasn’t great tbh, I would have liked to have lived closer to my grandparents and extended family.

My dd has grown up with lots of extended family and I think it’s been really beneficial for all of us.

No I wouldn’t judge. There’s no formula for a happy life. Having moved around quite a bit as an adult I find I’ve become more adaptable
and have a wider range of experiences, but I also often feel a bit rootless and like I have no proper home.

I don’t judge no, as there is nothing to judge, just different life choices, a close school friend never left our small hometown, we are still in touch, and she still lives there, a few mins from her parents, siblings etc. going to the same oubsm restaurants etc she always has, still hanging round with the school friends who stayed, my husband also has some school friends the same, always lived in the same small town and always did local jobs.

we have lived in 3 different countries, inc mainland Europe, my own daughter has moved a few hours away for work, and did the same for uni before hand.

anecdotally I do find the people who don’t move far, tend to have smaller careers, ( unless they grew up in a major city like London, Manchester etc) and the travelling tends to be less far flung, like two weeks in Majorca kinda thing, those who move around often tend to be more adventurous. Not all, but a lot.

i don’t think there is anything to judge over, its just different strokes for different folks and being happy is key. I wouldn’t have wished to stay in my small hometown, so I didn’t, and my friend didn’t wish to move away. So she didn’t. And that’s good , right, folks should do what makes them happy. And if familiarity and being close to family makes you happy, then that’s what’s for you. If moving away and experiencing new countries makes you happy, then that’s what’s for you. It’s just different and neither is lesser.

I'm in Ireland and tbh yes I do judge and I can't understand how some people haven't stepped foot outside their town. We bought a house mostly because of house prices and the area we bought in looked so beautiful and came across as so friendly and welcoming, well I was wrong nothing but nosey holes and clannish, everyone is related to each other, the minute you reach 18 you buy a property beside your parents, you marry your neighbour and your kids go to the same school you went and your parents went to and the cycle continues.

I judge people for feeling superior because they have lived in several different countries and who sneer at people who don't live anywhere other than their home town/village.

I grew up in Greater London, lived in West Yorkshire for 17 years and have lived in South Yorkshire for 28 years.

DH grew up in the North East then lived in West Yorkshire and South Yorkshire. DD stayed in her university city to work for a couple of years after graduating and is now in another university city for post grad. When she qualifies she will go where she can find a job.

We have all upped roots, so moving on isn't a hurdle for us.

I don't judge, but I couldn't be a 'somewhere': far too claustrophobic and narrow minded. I am very much an 'anywhere', love to travel and have lived in France and Spain; although I settled in London 40 years ago and have never left. I think we have the best of both worlds here. Most of the people I know have lived in different places, but we have settled into a cosmopolitan community of broad-minded people.

No, my sister hasn't. I have but it was driven by work rather than a desire to move.

I’ve also never left London and I judge myself a bit for that. It’s rather pathetic as someone in her mid-50s that I have no idea what it’s like to live anywhere but London (I didn’t even leave for uni).

I think having an “anywhere” point of view is fine when you’re younger, not so fine when you start a family/grow older. Then you need to put down roots as you realise community matters.

A bit, yeah.

I think it's about contentment.

Somewhere people are content, they've found what they need to keep them happy and fulfilled.

Anywhere people struggle to be content, they're still looking for that feeling of fulfillment.

I don't judge either type of person, everyone is looking for the same thing. Some people find it more easily than others.

This is sort of tangential to the thread but I find when dealing with family that I get judged quite harshly for my decision to leave a small place and not go back.

It became clear just a couple of months ago that my dad has been expecting me to find my way back to my village. I left 35 years ago and have never been tempted.

There is quite a bit of 'you think you're better than everyone else', 'isn't this life good enough for you?' etc when you leave - but perhaps that's my nasty family.

My mum was a somewhere. She lived all her life within a 2 mile radius and never had a passport. She was one of the most broadminded, well read and interesting/interested people you could hope to meet. She understood people as though she'd lived a hundred lifetimes. Mum was full of wisdom and still taking evening class A levels 'for fun' into her 70s. She was at the heart of her family and community and her whole world was centered there.

I have been an 'anywhere' and have loved it. I've retired back to my home town. I've loved being out in the world but my goodness, the feeling of belonging, of home, of seeing the things my mum and her mum laid their eyes on every day and the walking down streets my dad did is a powerful, heartfelt thing.

Travelling only improves the mind if the mind is already open. Some people see more in a 100 metre walk than others do on a world cruise.

My mum always knew what it's taken me a lifetime to realise.

I've never left my local area and I don't give a toss what anyone thinks. Its a nice area and we've got everything on our doorstep: coast, countryside and cities. My family still live locally and we are close. I'd hate to not see them on a regular basis.

No I don't judge them at all , close family / friendship ties and all that .
I am the only family member that has lived in different places but I can see some advantage of staying out .

I don’t judge anyone, but as somebody who has had the experience to live in different countries (and have moved my kids to do the same!) I think it is such an enriching experience and changes you as a person. I think it’s a shame if people have the opportunity but don’t do it

Absolutely beautifully put and completely true.

I’m definitely an Anywhere in a family of Somewheres. My family all live within five miles of each other; that includes extended family! They do live in a nice, mid-sized city (<500,000 - I know that’s not mid-sized to everyone, but it is to me!) that a lot of people choose to move to so that helps.

But I get bored of my surroundings. I’ve moved several times, multiple countries, and I often think it would be easier—and more financially responsible—to settle somewhere.

However, I move with jobs that I want to do. And I wouldn’t have got to where I am career-wise without doing that. I couldn’t do what I do in my hometown, the opportunities just don’t exist.

I don’t judge others that don’t choose what I have. I feel like they miss out because I’ve seen lots of different things and have friends all over the place, but I often wish I could be satisfied with staying put. I just can’t.

It's a bizarre thing to judge someone for. Neither travelling nor living in another place makes a person more intelligent or interesting.

I have stayed in my home town (DH has moved) both DH and I do a lot of foreign travel and we both have degrees as will both of our DC. Neither of us voted for Brexit or put flags up. Our DC both plan to move away from our hometown and this is fine with us as we wouldn’t want to hold them back.

No because I'm one of them. It's not the 'home town' that means I'm happy staying here, it's the people. All my family live locally and I can just walk myself to my parents house, siblings house. Short drive to various other extended family members. If they all moved to god knows where I could move with them and know I'd be content wherever we all ended up. We are very close as a family, no dramas, no back story, no narcissism etc etc. I appreciate not everyone has that.

I'm not sure I agree with the somewhere/anywhere dichotomy. It sounds far too simplistic. But I haven't read the book.

I remember the moment I clocked that my mum really judged her friend for "letting" her daughters do their tertiary education from home and not moving away for uni. I've always been rather in awe of the fact her friend and her children clearly liked each other and stayed close. So no, I don't judge. But I do think the uni experience of living away in halls etc has value in its own right, quite apart from the academic side of uni.

I think it all depends on what people have done and if they're happy.

I've moved a few times, travelled a bit and settled in my home village as it's an excellent place to bring up children and we have a solid village around us. I'm very happy with my choices.

DH's cousin is the most well travelled person I know despite the fact she's never left her home town. Her job takes her all over the place and then she visits amazing places on holiday. She's got friends everywhere, and genuine ones - when she broke both her ankles last year she had one friend come from four hours away to help out, then another from two hours away. They're just as close as her local friends. She's one of the happiest people I've ever met.

Two others I know - one never left the village and one moves constantly but never explores the new places. Both as miserable as sin.

It's what you do with your choices that matter imo.