Do you judge people who have never left their home towns?

[Waferbiscuit]

Genuinely curious to ask if you judge people who have never left their home towns?

I grew up in a family of diplomats who had lived around the world. We were really encouraged to move away and experience life in other cities and countries. I appreciate that is a privileged mindset and an experience that is not available to all. But I think my parents really felt that staying in your hometown your whole life with a friend group/social milieu you made in primary school limited or 'fixed you' in that time and didn't give you opportunity to grow.

I get what they mean but I'm also aware that in the past humans basically stayed within their communities and, unless they were part of nomadic tribes, didn't really aim to move away. At the same time I've lived in places in the UK (towns in Scotland, the midlands) where people not only stayed put but wanted to live across the street from their mom and down the road from their aunties - which I find a bit too tribal!

I read a book called David Goodhart called The Road to Somewhere in which he sort of divides the UK population into 'Somewheres' and 'Anywheres.' Somewheres are very rooted in their community, place matters and they see the world through that community. Whereas Anywheres are more modern, educated internationalist types who basically aren't grounded in their community and will happily move about for the right jobs. Somewheres tended to vote for Brexit, Anywheres against Brexit. This is a simplistic summary of his book but I thought it was interesting.

Anyway, is the view that it's good to move away unusual or normal and do you judge people who never move away?

Ah I love this. Reminds me of that song “The whole of the Moon”

Life is different now but my grandfather never left his local area and rarely left the village.

His work when I was young was taking visitors on boat trips and fishing. My grandmother took in visitors - including a few very famous actors (Hollywood) and my grandfather was friends with them. They lived on the beach slipway. When retired he lived on State Pension.

He was the happiest person I've ever known.

I do travel a bit myself - for holidays. And have encouraged my children to spread their wings. But we should sometimes realise we do NOT have to chase happiness. We just need to Stop. Breathe. And enjoy what we have in front of our eyes.

I do a bit, but it’s more that I can’t personally understand why you wouldn’t want to get out of a small village and find some independence. Especially if they’ve literally never left for education or work. Most of my family live within a 5 mile radius of where they were born. It’s a very different way of life, and certainly was never for me.

I feel like I’ve chosen my life, whereas I could have stayed in my village, got an alright job, and married someone I went to school with but I would have just been settling.

No I’m jealous of them.
I know a few people who never left the place they were born. They generally got married earlier and had children earlier but also were able to get on the housing ladder whilst prices were cheaper.
They were surrounded by family and friends they knew a long time so had lots of support. Now in their 60’s like me they have grandchildren and a loving family nearby.
Travel and seeing places might sound fabulous, but at the end of the day you realise it’s people who matter.

I live abroad and will most likely move again. I really wouldn’t judge someone for having a sense of belonging somewhere, I think I would actually quite like it. They always have someone to give them a hand or just have a cup of tea with, long relationships and deep connections. I’m not a sociable person so trying to make new friends is bloody exhausting and often either you are transient or the people around you are. I also don’t think it makes you stupid or incurious to stay home. Theres a lot to be said for it.

Still living in their hometown, no, I wish more people could find a living in their hometown and preserve those connections.

Literally never left their hometown, yes I'd judge that, it's a big world out there!

We cannot all be diplomats children, we cannot all live in London, and we are not all the same, if we were there would be nobody to look down on.

👏👏

Not at all

I moved 150 miles away because I lived in a city and it wasn't somewhere I wanted to bring my children up. My parents were born there, I lived there until I was 33. One of my brothers also moved while my parents and other brother still live there.

If I had been born where I live now, you can absolutely guarantee i would have been someone who never moved more than a handful of miles from where I was born.

Oh this is interesting to think about! I suppose I wouldn’t judge someone who decided to stay living in their hometown their whole life, because of all the aforementioned advantages such as strong family and community ties. I would probably find it sad and a bit limited if they never wanted to travel or leave their town for brief holidays though, whether that’s around the UK or abroad. I think at least seeing some different places to your usual environment is beneficial to everyone.

Sometimes I think I’d actually be happier if I stayed in my hometown with the same people I grew up with. I moved away at 24 and have felt a bit lonely and out of place ever since, and have found it a struggle to make friends after having kids. My hometown friends have simple but happy lives and a lot of them were settled before 30.

my old friend is a ‘small town girl’ who never leaves the area, maybe for 1 holiday a year the the exact same hotel. Seems boring but if she’s happy then that’s great

Some of us could never walk on same streets/play on the same beaches as our parents or grandparents as every generation has moved.

My parents are immigrants but that's why I wanted to stay in London, I don't feel
connected to anywhere else.

I'm not in Ireland but the area I'm in is like this. When I moved in the neighbour popped his head over the fence to tell me that everyone in the street was born in the street. He grew up in 45, then moved to 41 when he moved out. Most of my neighbours hardly leave their houses, let alone the town. They would definitely be the type to pack a Union Jack if they went on holiday. And yes, I do judge them. Racist, right wingers who have a fear of anyone who lives further outside the neighbouring two streets.

I think a lot is down to luck. Who you meet, what stage of the journey you get the opportunity to move.
You don’t sound like you had any base to move away from Op?

I live somewhere that is widely regarded as fabulous. A great inclusive community with many interesting people and high levels of affluence. I’m not sure where I could move too that might be better. I have made many attempts to move away ( jobs, husband overseas etc). Husband couldn’t wait to move to my home town.

Blue zones are predominantly developing countries, where multi generational living is a norm. It's often not socially acceptable to move away from parents, and much less consideration is given to "my little family". Culturally people are more concerned about the welfare of their neighbours, there is no not answering if the door if the neighbour hasn't made a prior appointment. No going NC either!

At an individual level I'd rarely judge, but I have met a few people who would have benefited from living their life in a range of more than 15 miles and having some broader life experiences.

Having worked in areas where few people move in/ out, it can create insular cultures and issues with things like multi-generational feuds, and lack of ambition. I've had incredulity for a 6 mile commute to work which amused me as it was one of my more local ones over the years.

But staying local can also create stable communities and be good for family support.

not really. Everyone is different. I know growing up I had to move around a bit and had to change school several times and hated it and envied the kids who had the full reception to end experience . I vowed when I had children I wouldn’t make them change and so once we settled down we have stayed in the same place but this wasn’t my hometown but pretty close ish. I expect my children to travel a bit before they settle down but there is a reasonable chance they will end up nearby but no idea. There are people who still live near where my childhood ended up and they seem happy. Hard to say really what is better or worse. Everyone has a different life journey.

I think this is far too simplistic.

I moved to the next city for my young adult life, and have recently moved back ‘home’ to care for my aged father. I have never lived anywhere other than my home county. Most of my best friends are from primary school.

However, I have travelled the world extensively - for work, in a voluntary capacity, and for holidays. I speak three languages. I voted remain.

So what category am I in?

I judge them but am also envious of them. I wouldn't want a life in one place, I want to live in and see different cultures, people and places. I judge them for living, what I see as (perhaps wrongly) a small life.
But, I also envy them. They are rooted and satisfied and want nothing more in life that they don't already have. Maybe this is where happiness really lives and they've cracked it.

I'm a "somewhere". I love where I live, I'm surrounded by supportive family and friends and enjoy living in this little bubble. I have friends who have moved across the world and live completely opposite lifestyles to the one I chose. They're very happy, but I can't think of anything worse! I am also very happy, and I'm sure they can think of nothing worse than having stayed here! Everyone is so different. I wear my "somewhere" badge with great pride, and would find it very patronising if anyone were to judge me for it.

Education is probably a factor. My guess would be that the 'anywheres' are more likely to have a degree/higher education and pursue career/lifestyle etc

No. No more than I judge people who decide to move overseas.

Why should I?

Goodheart's book struck me as rather superficial.

I think I do, secretly, judge yes. Feels a little limiting to have not broadened horizons. HOWEVER, I am from a very backwards part of the country and my experience of people who stayed is that they:
A) moan/gossip about friends/family
B) low earners and little ambition
C) have very set, limited mindsets
So I think maybe I'm skewed a bit with my view.
Each to their own though.

I do remember a teacher at high school telling me they went to the same school they taught at which I thought was really weird.

no judgement, tbh anyone that wants to still live in my hometown deserves a medal tbh 😂

I wonder if there's research done and these people may be happier

I didn't do it. I'm now back in my hometown, moved back aged 47. I really wish I'd stayed here all along. It wasn't feasible for work reasons I would say. But looking at people who've been in the community their whole lives, I think they've really got something.

Thanks for reminding me the name of the book @Waferbiscuit I was thinking about it the other day. I really hate the nature of things now - the kind of weight of expectation of knowing all the international shit that's going on and the fact that we're supposed to be okay with so many things - and I remember reading about this book and thinking it would be interesting.

I did have the privilege of working in the US a few times. Not long-term just on some projects. But there are so many ways in which the US feels like home. That might be because I was living in London which was okay for awhile but eventually became far too transient.

Everyone's going to have different preferences and I have no judgement either way. People like what they like - I get that. But I definitely need to live Somewhere.

I lived in five different London boroughs from age 19 to 47. I always knew my neighbours and helped them out (especially when I was young and they were old) and having a sense of community has always been really important to me.

I definitely know people who don't give a crap about it though.

In what way is it small?

That's a genuine question, but I am hoping for something less vague than "other cultures".