Do you judge people who have never left their home towns?

[Waferbiscuit]

Genuinely curious to ask if you judge people who have never left their home towns?

I grew up in a family of diplomats who had lived around the world. We were really encouraged to move away and experience life in other cities and countries. I appreciate that is a privileged mindset and an experience that is not available to all. But I think my parents really felt that staying in your hometown your whole life with a friend group/social milieu you made in primary school limited or 'fixed you' in that time and didn't give you opportunity to grow.

I get what they mean but I'm also aware that in the past humans basically stayed within their communities and, unless they were part of nomadic tribes, didn't really aim to move away. At the same time I've lived in places in the UK (towns in Scotland, the midlands) where people not only stayed put but wanted to live across the street from their mom and down the road from their aunties - which I find a bit too tribal!

I read a book called David Goodhart called The Road to Somewhere in which he sort of divides the UK population into 'Somewheres' and 'Anywheres.' Somewheres are very rooted in their community, place matters and they see the world through that community. Whereas Anywheres are more modern, educated internationalist types who basically aren't grounded in their community and will happily move about for the right jobs. Somewheres tended to vote for Brexit, Anywheres against Brexit. This is a simplistic summary of his book but I thought it was interesting.

Anyway, is the view that it's good to move away unusual or normal and do you judge people who never move away?

Some people see more in a 100 metre walk than others do on a world cruise.

Yes. ❤️

I judge you for being small minded and lacking imagination.

No, I don't live in my home town, and I'm more broad minded than you are.

i dont think so, i think they met their partner and decided to stay

I still live in the village my ancestors came to in 1759 apparently on canal barges. Most of the village is the same but it's not quite a 'local shop for local people' vibe
I've been on holiday abroad but I'm not particularly well travelled.
I encouraged my teenage DC to broaden their horizons but that didn't work and they are happily living and working in the same village.
Takes all sorts!

I still live in the town I was born in as does my DH! We bought a large end of terrace, 3 bed house with outhouse and garage and large back garden in my South Yorkshire village when I was 20. It’s paid for now, I’m 41. I will never leave, I don’t want to leave and have a lifestyle that means I don’t need to leave. We are in well paid jobs, have a lovely life, go away to other European countries every other month and on long haul holidays 3 times a year. Why would I change all that to live somewhere else in the UK?!

I dont judge them - people do whatever makes them happy but myself personally I have lived all over the UK, I plan to move when the kids are older to the seaside & settle down there.

I wouldn't judge either group.

But actually people moved around in the past more than you might think.

No. In fact, in some cases, I envy them. It was their close, supportive families and good friends that kept them there.

Why would you judge someone for that. People do what makes them happy. Some people don't have the opportunity to travel.

Yes, but those people judge me because I move every few years. You can't win! To each their own, I believe is the saying.

No, I wouldn't judge.

If you have a large, loving family, fall in love with the boy next door and live in a lovely place, why would you want to move away?!

I wanted to travel and definitely not stay in my hometown, but that's because my hometown is quite a dump. Family life was stressful and my friends mostly lived 10 miles away in my school town. Why would I stay?

Do you mean city/town or do you mean same area (village/suburb) in city/town?

It seems like there are a lot of "nomads" on here who are as small minded as the people they are looking down on for not moving away from where they grew up.

I moved a long way from my home town as a young teenager so a kind of rootlessness set in then, and I envy people who have a very clear sense of where they ‘belong’ - whether they still live there or not.

I judge people with chips on their shoulders who think that jobs, house prices, etc should be adjusted to them, so they never have to move from their town or make any effort, and who blame incomers to their town for taking jobs, putting up prices, etc.

If you look at the Blue Zones, where people live the longest, they are all areas where people have lived in their communities all their lives and have strong family and community networks.

If someone feels the need to keep moving it often suggests they have not found anywhere where they are content, and is not generally something to envy.

The place I live seems to be about 50/50 locals and people have moved there. In my DD1's primary school year, you could see the divide at school pick up. DD2's year had a similar mix of families, but was much less divided.

The people who have stayed local have much stronger family networks, which must be handy. If we lived near my DPs they would have happily got involved in pick ups and holiday childcare.

I think moving round has a lot to do with going to university. But also can be thought of like the phrase "first in my family to go to university". Until you've seen one of you family move away to live, it probably doesn't really occur to you to do that and, once someone has moved away, it is normalised, so you're more likely to do it.

I definitely don't judge either way. I'd love my DDs to live near us when they are older.

Definitely not.

Everyone can make their own choices as to how to live their lives. Travel / don’t travel. Flash career / basic job. Kids / no kids.

Each to their own. Nobody has the right to judge anyone else’s choices.

I don't judge but I know I wouldn't have liked it. I couldn't wait to experience somewhere else, including abroad. I still live far away but do visit my hometown regularly. It's sort of nice and easy as I know my way around, people, etc but a bit boring. I might have to move back when my parents get old and it's not something I would look forward to.

No I don’t, if anything I feel a little envious as I went to several different schools/colleges as we moved around the country a lot growing up. I feel settled now, have lived where I am now for the longest ever (by far) but for a long time I never felt settled anywhere.

i dont have any current connections with people in the village i left as a teenager

I don't think it should be a value judgement either way.

I do think culturally there is a lot of judgement on young adults who've not 'flown the nest' 'properly' and on their parents, but this is a fairly modern idea and far from universal.

The whole Somewhere/Anywhere concept presumes people who move out of their hometown can't become very rooted in their community later in life and just keep moving. I don't think that's how most people who leave their hometowns live. It also seems to presume that whether to stay or go is an individualistic choice based on what reads like personality types. For many people, it's not that simple.

I immigrated out of my birth country when I was 17 - I wasn't a modern, educated, internationalist type and I wasn't moving for the right job, I was a scared teenager crashing in someone's spare room. I had my roots and place destroyed & trying to figure out what to do next.

I've lived in the same community for a couple of decades now. I'm fairly rooted now, I can't imagine moving unless things were dire again, but I don't see the world through my community alone. I think that entire concept ignores that within any community, you get sub-groups and just different perspectives of the same place.

That sounds wonderful!

I live in a coastal small town in Cornwall, you can judge away but I would hate to live in London or any huge metropolis My childhood home is about 10 mins away and my business is here. Did move away once when I was married to exdh but came back when we split. I run a holiday letting company so need to be here most of the time, but I do go on overseas on holiday and normally spend Christmas away in Seattle as have family there. My now DH is also Cornish but he's often overseas for work
We cannot all be diplomats children, we cannot all live in London, and we are not all the same, if we were there would be nobody to look down on.

I'm Anywhere, definitely. I gained some things, lost others. I don't judge people who stay still, but sometimes I can't connect with them, for the lack of common ground (pun intended). I think being one or the other shapes you very deeply.

I wouldn’t know whether I’m a Somewhere or an Anywhere … something in between.

I have lived here for 10 years and am enjoying finally feeling part of the community, bumping into people I know everywhere I go, remember what buildings used to be because I’ve been here long enough to see change.

I most certainly don’t live where I grew up though, I don’t feel at home there at all really.

We moved a fair bit when I was 7/8/9 so that probably disrupted my Somewhereness. Didn’t really settle from then on really, until I had kids, and now I’m very settled and one of the main things I want for my kids is an undisturbed childhood. I can certainly imagine my kids spreading out across the globe though, if they get chance, and that wouldn’t be a bad thing either!