Daily Project round 8

[SpiritOfEdna]

A brand new shiny thread. Whether you want to do one extra thing a day, or a brain dump of what you have to do this is the place.

Old draughty house here too. I am resisting putting on the heat hard.

DH told me this afternoon he'd put on our electric blankets on low 'for the cats'.

I'm up late for me watching cheesy Christmas movies on netflix. Wishing we had glorious crisp snow here for Christmas!

best wishes all.

Heating is on thermostat and timer and has come on a couple of mornings so far. House isn't draughty but I like having bedroom and bathroom windows open at least overnight. It never drops below about 16c unless it's absolutely freezing out. I'm guessing because it's brought up to 19c a couple of times a day if necessary. Windows are shut during the day once the heat starts coming on regularly.

I have been know to override the thermostat for the cats as well @FourSeasonsLobelia And the room we use for wfh gets very chilly early afternoon so sometimes then as well.

Jobs today: book hair appointment. Wipe down kitchen and dining room windowsills.
Get a quote for some clearance work.

Hello all, everyone has been so busy getting things done and I'm over here struggling to stay afloat. My head is all over the place and I don't feel like I have anyone to talk to and even if I did I doubt I'd make any sense as everything feels like a big mess in my head.
Anyway, I must get on with things...someone is coming to service the boiler today so I need to empty the cupboard and put everything back neatly when they're done, I'd also like to clean out the fridge and make a start of Dnephews birthday gifts and buy a new bauble for the Christmas tree.

both of these popped up on my Instagram this morning and made me think of this group…I have sooo many loops open right now, literally years worth of loops. No wonder I’m struggling with everything…sorry there is some swearing in this video 🙉

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DOquyIVgf4C/?igsh=d2QyaTVxOXhobGh4

That is spot on @autumnangel I have a fairly new job and that is keeping a lot of tabs open in my head. Funnily enough I have been addressing that today.

Love to you and don't be hard on yourself xx

I definitely agree with that @autumnangel. The little niggles that make us feel we have so much to do and so much swirling around in our heads. Some are so easy to deal with but being in the right headspace to actually do that is another thing. But then the relief when we do things makes such a difference!

This thread makes such a difference to me. Just having a bit of a list and getting one thing extra done makes me feel a bit in control of my procrastination tendencies.

I have just been out for a gorgeous sunny walk around the fields. I got soaked yesterday but today is glorious.

I like seeing you on the Wordle thread @WinterFrogs! This morning was tough!

Just sitting with a coffee and will decide what extra task to do today. Dishwasher is on. Washing machine has finished so I need to deal with that. Oh - just remembered I washed the kitchen bin out earlier as it was smelling a bit. That’s my extra for the day.

@SpiritOfEdna - glad you got your car back. You have reminded me my personal trainer gave me a health tracker. I must find it and get logging stuff!

I love this idea of loops @autumnangel thank you so much for introducing it to me! Feels very real indeed. Most things domestically are still a mess here but today I got new (hideous) photos for my passport renewal. And we are on the fourth day running of sensible home cooked dinners which feels like a victory round these parts...

Wishing everyone many closed loops! X

Morning all. Feeling a bit ... not mentally coping well. Havoc is a handful and I'm at a bit of a loss. Been listening to parenting podcasts every night.

Plan is laundry, a grocery shop and pick up some trial contacts. I think I'll put laundry on now and get dc out for a good walk before I need to go to appt.

How old is Havoc @Mumtobabyhavoc ? She is a toddler yes? The toddler years are brutal and you have a little one as well. . Tell us what is happening- I am sure amongst us we have ideas that might help- as well as a virtual hug for you. xxxx

What support do you have IRL? Anyone who can give you a break for an afternoon? easier said than done I know- I know we did not have anyone for ours.

Thinking of you.

@Mumtobabyhavoc ,the literal day D turned three she turned into the BIGGEST pain in the backside, and started all sorts of frustrating and challenging behaviour. It was a shock and extremely unpleasant. Unfortunately I don't have solutions, just solidarity. I think we just held our breath and waited for it to pass.

Oh @Mumtobabyhavoc - sympathies and solidarity. It’s tough in the trenches. And you are right in the trenches. I’m sure we can try to help with suggestions and some support.

You have so much going on @Mumtobabyhavoc 🫂 No surprise that a handful of Havoc has caused you to run out of steam. A child in my family has pda behaviours and it is tough. Is it anything like that do you think? If so, there's support out there. The book 'The Explosive Child' comes highly recommended I believe.

Otherwise, sit tight and know that 'this too shall pass'.

All the things I want to say seem a bit trite. I'm sure you're doing all the right things 💕 It's just very hard sometimes!

I like seeing you on the Wordle thread too @Peridot1 It makes me smile when I see one of you around on the board

Hey everyone

Started this message 6 hours ago when I was waiting to pick dd up from school. Been hectic this afternoon

I spent the day listening to a band called The Virginmarys - very angry music to echo my internal rage 🤭🤭

Today i had to send an ebay parcel that I forgot I sold during the covid haze. The woman has messaged asking if it was on the way 😬🙈.

Now i'm watching bake off with dd, trying to get her to eat her dinner that has been ready for hours - pizza which she usually likes!

Then bed for her and shower and bed for me.

Tomorrow need to sort my car insurance, find out why my electricity bill is so high (£80 for me and dd for a month!) And then come home and tidy in preparation for half term next week.

@SpiritOfEdna i'm sorry, i forgot to ask you before how your car was doing, I did read your post but forgot to tag you! Glad its okay, what a relief! I get decision fatigue so badly, its the modern times we're living in!!

@Peridot1 I hope youre feeling less of the pressure today? Everything will come in its own time

@petalpower i'm finally feeling the autumn coming too! 🍂🥰

@FourSeasonsLobelia what a lovely day you had yeaterday! I'm always dreaming of a white christmas 😄, might get the songs on tomorrow

@autumnangel youre bang on about the loops I think 🥺 - ive got so many open. Do take care of yourself 💕

@Mumtobabyhavoc solidarity with you girl, i know its hard with toddlers, theyre by default unreasonable - and then having two young ones as well 💕. I do hope youve got someone who can give you a break

@SingleThreadJoiner2 same to you, wishing you closed loops!

Love to you all as always xx

I hope today has been ok for you @autumnangel . I’m not surprised your head is all over the place with what you’ve had to deal with. Are you still having bereavement counselling?
You just sound like an amazing mum @Mumtobabyhavoc and have a lot on your plate with two little ones and your mum to care for too. We’ve all been there with challenging behaviour from our children I’m sure. My children are now 25 and 23 and I can remember even now how difficult some days were. Sending a virtual hug and solidarity.
Today’s big excitement was the chimney sweep visiting (sounds so Dickensian!) so we can now light the log burner knowing that it’s safe and clean. I also chose a menu for friends who are coming to dinner on Saturday and went to my aqua fit class. DH has sanded the side of two doors that would not properly close (our bedroom and the family bathroom) which is a good job done. The house moves because of it’s age (500 years old in parts) and is timber framed so can be a bit temperamental.

Thanks for the kind words of solidarity and support. ❤️
Just sitting in the car in the Costco parking lit before driving across town to next appt.

Basically, my question is: is it f-ing normal for a 4 y/ o to scream bloody murder and throw oneself onto the floor kicking and screaming several times a day when things don't go their way? I have tried getting on their level, physically, to gently talk, hugging, sympathizing, ignoring, removing to bedroom for time out, then I finally snap at some point and end up screaming. This has been a cucke since baby was about 3-4 months okd. Havoc became a very different and demanding, argumentative child. Tantrums don't explain it enough. Starting to kick floor, wall, door. I am worried for teen years. Will I become afraid of my child?
Clearly, I'm feeding the cycle when I lose my patience.
I've joined two parenting groups, one for single parents, one for parents of littles, joined a parenting course, listen to podcasts about parenting every night, have spoken to pediatrician who thinks it's age, phase, personality, jealousy of baby and my parenting style. Says when I put Havoc into bedroom Havoc must understand why and if I go in before tantrum is over then I'm just teaching how long Havoc needs to scream until I go in.
Anyway, I'm not explaining it well and I'm in essay territory. 😵‍💫 Have got Havoc on list for counselling /assessment. I'm obv worried something might be wrong and of course I need to cope better. Every day is a screaming match of some sort.

If it makes you have a little hope @Mumtobabyhavoc my niece had full on tantrums as a young child (and particularly when her younger brother was born). I remember her laying on the floor in a park screaming and kicking when my poor SIL was trying to breastfeed the baby. We all worried how awful the teenage years would be but she was an easy teenager and is now 34 and a mum herself. It sounds as though you’re doing really well under the circumstances. If you’re a single parent to two little ones, a carer for your mum and still manage to do as much as you do with your children you’re an absolute superhero in my eyes.

@Mumtobabyhavoc dd threw her pizza at my head and instead insisted on sausage rolls 😄 - and everyone suspects her walking refusal is behavioural which means ive got a job on my hands figuring out why

Completely understand how easy it is to get down about their behaviour! Atp I just laugh like a madwoman!

I didnt know you were a single mum like me ❤️ - now I have more respect for you, you do so much for those children! Youre doing great, but definitely agree to have some tests done. In today's day and age it can't hurt.

It could be loads of things though, and at the very bottom is your parenting style.

Do you get a break? And when does havoc start school or pre school? xx

@mumofoneAloneandwell this thread and another I'm regularly on are respites from a lot. I don't typically give a lot of home life details. I'm at a bit of a breaking point atm, though. I mean, I just told Havoc, I said No. I said wait. Go in the living room and wait, please. Can we just have an evening without a fight, please.

I hate getting to this point.

A hand hold from me @Mumtobabyhavoc I can't offer advice as it does sound extreme, and it sounds like you are looking in all the right places for help. I am not surprised you are at breaking point. My children had their moments and littlest definitely does, but the autistic/pda ( apologies to anyone one who knows better if I'm using the wring terminology) child in my extended family is in a league of their own and needs extremely careful management.

I hope Havoc sleeps well so you get a break then. 💐

I also want to add that parenting style is right at the bottom of reasons for this. It's way easier being a nice calm happy parent when the children are easy ones. And a lot of the ease is simply luck, in my experience. My youngest was way more trouble than the others, and that wiped out smugness i might have had with the other two.

Hand hold from me too. To me tantrums at this age are extremely normal. I think the paediatrician saying that Havoc maybe having an extended period of jealousy over the baby is very likely. Also yes the age! The age!

Agree with @winterfrogs about parenting style. You are a loving, engaged, hands on parent. That is clear in every post you write! And we are on the other side of the world and can see that!

One of the best pieces of advice I ever had was 'If things are going badly, remember it's just a phase. If things are going well- remember that's just a phase too'.

Hand hold. xxx

@Mumtobabyhavoc ,how is Havoc with other adults? When my D was at school or having playdates everyone told me how delightful she was and so well behaved. Completely different from now she was with us or with my parents, it drove me crazy. I took it as a personal insult, I really did. Unfortunately I never cracked it, just held my breath (sometimes literally) and waited. And did lose my temper quite a bit I'm afraid. But knowing she knew how to behave with other people did help me feel less embarrassed. (she was a very early school starter as turned 4 in late July)

Thanks, everyone. ❤️
Despite all the challenges, there are a lot of wins.
Taking self to bathroom on own for pee, going on own fir poo and just asking for help to clean up, asking to go to bathroom when we're out (huge as was afraid of public toilets).
Very loving to baby; wants to help baby get dressed and changes baby's diaper! It is quite sweet and funny, actually. Baby loves Havoc. ❤️
Goes to bed willingly when tired lately (tonight!) without argument or tears.
Issues revolve around not listening.
Had a lot of time to think about this today. I think I'm pretty hard on Havoc, strict, I mean, and I need to say Yes, more. A lot of my No's are my issues and likely don't make sense to a 4 year old. I'm going to bring this up at my next parent support group for feedback, too.

So, got the Costco shop done. 😅 Got home and put dinner together: boiled corn on the cob, rotisserie chicken, I warmed some delicious Pane Roma in the oven, it's a new bread at Costco and delicious, especially smeared with lots of butter (!), put a fruit plate together (just strawberries, grapes, blackberries) and then we finished making the oatmeal choc chip cookies and had those for dessert. The kids played on the deck with the pumpkin family we've created and had a blast changing the colours of the LED candles I put inside them. 🩷
Baby had a bit of a meltdown, strangely. Didn't want to cuddle to go to sleep, kept saying I want to go (?!) and went to bathroom. I followed and sat on the floor asking what was wrong (to a 22m old)😵‍💫 and Why so sad, Baby? Finally baby just climbed into my lap to cuddle and I took us to lie down on the couch and I'm now afraid to move as baby is asleep. 😬😇🤫

eta also put clean clothes away this morning and all the contents of the over-flowing laundry basket on to wash before going out. Hung it up after dinner. Didn't get kids to school, but we did run around at the playground in the morning, looked for acorns and did a bit of parkour in the skate park. A woman was doing soccer training and sweetly kicked the ball around with the kids for a few mins.