You have to fight off an alien invasion with whatever is within arm's reach on your right. What will your weapon be?

[OneUmberJoker]

A tv remote and newspaper

A lipsalve. Two heavy glasses containing iced water, a tub of prescription meds….
Aha! A really heavy souvenir decorative ashtray thing that i could brain them with. (I don’t smoke anyway.)

3 charging cables so unless I can quickly strangle 3 of them I'm done for.

A thick fleece blanket, a very heavy rucksack, a hairband, nail clippers, an entire crochet tool box, tube of hand cream, multiple books and the cat.

When the alien war comes ladies we'll trap the aggressor under the blanket, cover its eyes with the hairband, beat it with the rucksack, poke it with the crochet hook and the clippers and crush it with the books. We can use the tissues to dry any tears caused by shock and our hands will be beautifully moisturised throughout.

The cat will be of no use whatsoever.

Also I really need to tidy up

The remote and DD's library book about Greek philosophers. I'll have to bore them to death because the remote is falling apart.

Cup of tea, TV remote and several cushions!

Not sure I’ll get on overly well so may divert their attention with some interpretive dancer, I’m not a dancer but hoping they’ll think WTF & move on 🤣

My son

He does work out and has a decent set of biceps

Playmobil camping scene, it's quite pointy

DH. He'd be useless.

A mug of tea and some hand cream. Maybe I can get them to slip on the hand cream and fall to their deaths and then have a mug of tea to celebrate?!

My knitting. I can either:
a) stab six of them with my double pointed needles or
b) ask them to figure out how to turn the heel while maintaining pattern in my self striping yarn, and watch their brains explode trying to figure it out.

further out on the coffee table is my planner for next term including the new seating chart which won’t work, so I could scare them to death with that?

Me phone and a glass of wine. I’d drink the wine first like

My two week old baby son, they will just need to look at his adorableness (if that's not already a word it should be) and they will melt❤

Phone power pack, glasses and a cushion
it’s a fairly solid full of feathers cushion so it might knock one of them out 🤔

Fan ,many creatures recoil at a breeze

Dh

A kindle, a cushion and DH. No hope 😂

Earplugs and an eye mask. I’ll put them in and on and pretend it’s not happening

Glass bottles.

My very small gig handbag. Very lightweight & not much use 🙄.

Maybe slightly better than the empty crisp packet, chocolate bar wrapper, and empty water bottle on the table, within reach of my left arm, though 🤔.

Sleeping cat.

Going by the size of him these days, he'll prove to be a rather useful blunt object.

The Usborne First Thousand Words in German Sticker Book.

That's it, that's all I have between me and the wall! I think it's safe to say if the aliens come tonight, I'm screwed.

Awwww!

A solid, structured leather handbag with quite a bit of metal hardware. Hey, it worked for Margaret Thatcher!

Bring it on! I have a veritable arsenal of weapons within reach!

A large TV remote control.
A small Amazon Firestick remote control.
Two ballpoint pens.
DH's mobile phone.
Two mugs (one with cold tea in it).
A small porcelain bowl.
A squeezy stress ball.
A weekly pill organiser (with 3 days worth of pills in it).
The September issue of Which?

A pasta bowl (used).
A tea plate (used).
A 60cm x 60cm sheet of quarter-inch toughened glass (that sits on the top of the coffee table).
A 60cm x 60cm coffee table.
A Tesco clubcard statement, still in its envelope.
DH's headphones.