You have to fight off an alien invasion with whatever is within arm's reach on your right. What will your weapon be?

[OneUmberJoker]

A tv remote and newspaper

A cat, my phone, some trifle and my knitting.

The cat is an arsehole so he’d probably take them all and win

A mouse. It's in my hand now so I'm ready. I could try a right-click!

Drink the wine and smash the glass!

A pair of glasses, a glass of red wine. But honestly, how my night has gone, and is still going, come at me bro

A Pawmi Pokemon plushie.

I think she looks rather fierce and would like to think she would protect me if the zombie apocalypse happened overnight.

My cat. He’d be bloody rubbish, he’s a massive fanny!!! 😳😳🤣

A cushion, I suppose I could smother them

Crochet hook reckon I could do some serious damage with that

Which book? That’s pretty much what I have — it’s a copy of The Age of Innocence. If the aliens speak English and I can persuade them to take an interest in 1870s New York, maybe we can have an entente cordiale.

A chihuahua 😂

A cockerpoo & an iPad…

Tartan Crocs, size 7!

I'll glass them with my pint of water, then stab them with the slate coaster. If they manage to survive my vicious onslaught, I could lean slightly forward and grab my desk lamp to bonk them on the head. If they have a head. Not sure I could employ my computer mouse, but I maybe could use my melatonin to make them sleepy. Reckon I've got a good chance.

Wine glass, remote control and a book of walks. The dog is just out of reach alas!

A sleeping 18 month old. Don't think she would be much help! 😆

2 litre water bottle, Ceramic coaster, Apple Watch & charger, asthma inhaler, tissue, Secrect Voices (women’s diary entries), The First Ladies books, ring holder, lamp, 2 cat hair brushes. I guess we could be inventive with those items.

A blueberry muffin and an Apple Pencil (could be a weapon I suppose).

Phone charger - I can wrap it around their necks!

Have you been watching Gilded Age. I have listen to American Heiresses of the Guilded Age on Audible and just listening to Vanderbilt: The rise and fall of an American Dynasty by Andersen Cooper whose mother was a Vanderbilt.

A packet of crisps, a blanket and peppermint tea - not exactly terrifying!

An instruction book on how to use a new composting machine. Perhaps I can compost the aliens?

A clingy springer spaniel who jumps at his own farts.

A pillow and my toddler. Those aliens dont stand a chance.

Dps pillows
I could whack them to death and then smother them just to make sure they had died

If this was half an hour ago (I've just got into bed) I could have bitch slapped them with my cross stitch and a random cushion

A novelty biscuit tin, nipple balm and some pimple patches.