You have to fight off an alien invasion with whatever is within arm's reach on your right. What will your weapon be?

[OneUmberJoker]

A tv remote and newspaper

My sleepy 11 month old. To be fair his twin has a bruise after he whacked him with a toy so maybe I'll be ok

Two TV remotes and a cushion but I am Perimenopausal and have some fantastic rages when the hormones overtake me so on the right day, I think could do some damage if it came to it

A Cockapoo and a Kindle. Both equally useless.

SPOILER ALERT!
Unless you are in an M Night Shyamalan film in which case, you're 100% sorted!

It’s a cup of black coffee.
At least I could chuck it in their face and leg it.

A 20kg kettle bell

My sick bowl. That should work!

pasta bowl I was eating my muesli from. The alien would get a brain injury.

Yes! I think you are the safest of us all!

Flower seeds and a cup of tea.

Although I’m pretty capable in martial arts, so I’d kick the fucker to death.

My glasses and my cat.

So, at least I could see where the aliens were to throw my cat accurately.

Battery operated fly swatter

My Dog and a plastic plate.

Bagpuss hotwater bottle 😂

An empty Mug, a stapler and a stack of A4 Pads.

Ooh! A reel of strimmer cord.

A small but fierce black cat. And a cushion.

I’ve got this.

A (heavy) empty ceramic pasta bowl and a fork. The fork should do some damage while they're reeling from being hit on the head by the bowl.

Crochet hook and some wool so I can either strangle them to death or gouge them

A couple of jellycats - I hope the aliens appreciates my sacrifice

A tea towel. I suppose I could wet the end and flick them on the back of the legs with it. Assuming they've got legs.

My cold…hopefully it’s Covid…I’ll make sure I sneeze on them properly

My tweezermans - I have both slanted and pointy in my arsenal.

A cushion. Perhaps if I beat them in a pillow fight they will sod off home.

My DM. I don’t think an 86 year old lady would do much, except perhaps confuse them utterly so they went away again…