You have to fight off an alien invasion with whatever is within arm's reach on your right. What will your weapon be?

[OneUmberJoker]

A tv remote and newspaper

Simple nourishing shower gel

A book entitled Philosophical Classics. That will keep them occupied for a while.

My 14yo DS. After a week of no wifi on holiday, he’s further attached to his phone than normal (which is bad enough). If an alien tried to disrupt that right now he would slay them with his bare hands 🙄

apart from that - a selection of crochet hooks and yarn, remotes, a stack of seriously heavy marble coasters, and a large cold glass of South African Chenin Blanc which no bastard, of this planet or any other, is getting their ‘hands’ on.

My dog

My partner. We’re fucked, sorry everyone

Cat

A book, a reading lamp and an open mind, if a superior life form decided to take over, I’d probably be all in.

A Twirl.

Dental floss.

Shit, I'm arned with a manicure set and an empty wine glass. WE'RE DOOMED!!

A piping hot cuppa and a crocheted cushion. I shall scald them with tea then unravel the wool to tie them up. I’m feeling confident.

DS1 - aged 18. For a mild mannered chap surprisingly feisty when push comes to shove.

Fly spray

My 8 year old. To be fair, she’s a fighter.

table mats, beer, PLJ (three pint glasses) and a phone

A chicken and mushroom pot noodle

Conveniently, a pair of big scissors.
Alternatively, my AC remote... I guess I could make the room too chilly so they would feel uncomfortable and leave.

Sarcasm, and my perfected Mum stare. I'm a postmenopausal women, and take no prisoners. Relax, I've got this.

The pug. He’d be better in an alien fight than the Labrador on my other side. The pug is tough stuff but the lab is a wuss, he’d be useless if the aliens were tall with beards.

A bottle of champers — only after I’ve polished it off, of course — and my fluffy, spoiled cockapoo sidekick.

He might lick them to death?

A hand towel and laundry basket full of my knickers and socks.
They would be really deadly weapon.

A velvet cushion. I could stroke them into submission.

Small black and white cat with few teeth. She gets a bit slashy if another cat comes too close but humans, noisy crisp packets and, probably, aliens she flees under the bed.

A big cuddly panda

A large plant 🪴 Triffids rule 😁