Just had a message come through on Messenger…

Jazzicatz · 2025-08-08T17:54:48+00:00

Just out for the day and checked my phone and I have a message from a stranger basically saying they think we share the same dad! This person is in their 60s, which would mean it was before my parents were together. They want a dna test to see if my father is also father to them. I haven’t replied yet, I am still in shock. What should I do?

Smallgnomethingy · 08/08/2025 18:58

Why do they think this? Would it benefit you to know?

Original poster

Jazzicatz · 08/08/2025 19:03

Smallgnomethingy · 08/08/2025 18:58

Why do they think this? Would it benefit you to know?

It would make no difference to me but I imagine they want to know as they don’t know who their father was.

OP posts:

PInkyStarfish · 08/08/2025 19:05

Can you see their photos? Is there any resemblance to you or your father?

Is your father still alive?

PashaMinaMio · 08/08/2025 19:10

Don’t make a knee jerk response.

It’s important for humans to know who their blood parents are and this person might have had a lot of pain & issues during their life which you could settle for them if indeed the DNA is positive but …
who knows what troubles they might also bring to your doorstep? Conversely they might bring wonderful news too.

Think it through. It’s not always like “Long lost family on the telly.” I know of both sides of the coin in my own family and an acquaintances family.
I hope it works out well if you decide to respond.

user9064385631 · 08/08/2025 19:13

Are your parents still alive is the pertinent question? If they are I think I would ignore for fear of causing unhappiness, let sleeping dogs lie!
If they’re not, I think I’d be curious to find out!

KateShugakIsALegend · 08/08/2025 19:13

Maybe listen to some of these episodes before you respond, for some wider context?

The Gift BBC podcast:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/brand/p0gd2dgb

BBC Sounds - The Gift - Available Episodes

Listen to the latest episodes of The Gift on BBC Sounds.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/brand/p0gd2dgb

youalright · 08/08/2025 19:14

If its legit I would do the dna test. It seems unfair not to everyone has a right to know where they come from no matter what the circumstances

Original poster

Jazzicatz · 08/08/2025 19:14

PInkyStarfish · 08/08/2025 19:05

Can you see their photos? Is there any resemblance to you or your father?

Is your father still alive?

There is a photo and there isn’t much resemblance.

And dad died 7 years ago, so there is no chance for them to have a relationship.

OP posts:

Original poster

Jazzicatz · 08/08/2025 19:15

PashaMinaMio · 08/08/2025 19:10

Don’t make a knee jerk response.

It’s important for humans to know who their blood parents are and this person might have had a lot of pain & issues during their life which you could settle for them if indeed the DNA is positive but …
who knows what troubles they might also bring to your doorstep? Conversely they might bring wonderful news too.

Think it through. It’s not always like “Long lost family on the telly.” I know of both sides of the coin in my own family and an acquaintances family.
I hope it works out well if you decide to respond.

Thank you, this is good advice. I am just feeling quite shocked at the moment.

OP posts:

MissAmbrosia · 08/08/2025 19:15

How did they come by this information would be my first question

Letstheriveranswer · 08/08/2025 19:17

If it was me I would respond in brief to say you need to process the news, ask for more basic information, and suggest you talk next week. Out of kindness to what the person has possibly been through with the not knowing. Don't agree to anything upfront.

Get to know them a little and then you can consider the many pros and cons and their motivations.

Ultimately you could agree to get to know them and establish the likelihood but refuse a DNA test.

MaidOfSteel · 08/08/2025 19:37

I’d give it some time to sink in and then, if you feel up to it, do what you can to help them. You can still help fill in a lot of gaps for this person even if you’re not sure about a relationship going forward.

I was able to pass on lots of photos and personal anecdotes to a distant relation who contacted me through Ancestry and I know it meant the world to them.

winzomm · 08/08/2025 19:46

My first approach would be to ask how he thinks you might be his sister, and take it from there. Have you any other siblings that he could/may have contacted also?

It's a lot to take in for sure, no wonder you are a bit gobsmacked! It could turn out to be a great thing, but it might not also. Take your time and tread warily.

Iwanttoliveonamountain · 08/08/2025 19:52

If I got such a message my first thought would be scam. be very careful.

Seaforme · 08/08/2025 20:00

I had exactly the same thing happen to me except it was my mum. I was careful, didn’t give any info about me and checked with my mums sister. Couldn’t ask my dad as he is difficult and probably the reason we (my other brothers) never knew. Mum had sadly passed away.
It was my nephew who contacted me and he had used Ancestry.com and had dna connected with another relative.
Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago (this happened in 2018 and we started an online communication) and we met! It was lovely and I was the first blood relative he had ever met apart from his son which obviously meant the world to him.
I would be open but careful. Good luck. I’m so pleased I have managed to connect with my mums first son. I know she would be delighted to know that we had met.

Netcurtainnelly · 08/08/2025 20:03

Agree could be a scam.

Lemonadeat8 · 08/08/2025 20:05

I’d ignore.

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 08/08/2025 20:05

Prepared to be flamed, but I wouldn’t have any interest in taking this any further. My first thought was would be they were after money.

I would also ignore/block.

BrendaSmall · 08/08/2025 20:08

If I received a message like this I’d ignore it because it’s more than likely spam
Have you typed the message number into google or who’s called me website?

johnd2 · 08/08/2025 20:12

Agree with scam, if that message was sent to 100 people, how many would it apply to? Have they scraped minimal information from something like Facebook or a genealogy website (that other people may have uploaded) and merged it into a message
Don't tell them any personal information and check your credit file

mindutopia · 08/08/2025 20:34

I would ask them some questions to get a sense of how they’ve found you and what information they have. Personally, if I had a sibling out there, I’d want to know. If nothing else, you may simply be able to rule a possible avenue out for them and then close that book.

I’d want to know a bit more about what sort of DNA test they had in mind and do my own research. For example, I’d want to know if they’ve already done an Ancestry test and what information that showed. I might consider doing an Ancestry test as well and we could go from there.

cyvguhb · 08/08/2025 20:49

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 08/08/2025 20:05

Prepared to be flamed, but I wouldn’t have any interest in taking this any further. My first thought was would be they were after money.

I would also ignore/block.

Edited

What a sad way to live, why would you assume that as a first thought?

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 08/08/2025 20:50

cyvguhb · 08/08/2025 20:49

What a sad way to live, why would you assume that as a first thought?

Show quote history

Because it’s a known scam tactic.

ninjahamster · 08/08/2025 20:51

This happened to my friend. Was a huge shock and her father had passed away. She spent some time digesting it and then agreed to a DNA test. It confirmed they were indeed half siblings. She’s really embraced her new sibling but other family members haven’t.

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 08/08/2025 20:53

I can’t believe so many people would just block and ignore a potential sibling.